I hope I make it till the Spring..

Old poem with a re-write.

I hope I make it till the Spring…

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

 A old poem. I learn I wasn’t important after second brother committed suicide in 1989. I learn to be kind to friends and family. Silence is better then speaking negative words. 

                       I hope I make it till the Spring…

I hope I make it till the Spring.
The Spring is when the world comes alive.
When the Winter days fade away to memories and
warm days heat up the hearts and dreams.

Yesterday the cold of Winter was for us to hold on tighter,
to keep each other warm, but somehow life had become a
search for a reasons to be alive.

I looked into the past, but I don’t feel hope.
I saw the many mistakes made and
I can see the many beautiful moment too and
I feel the beautiful moments, they haunt me more than the bad.

I remember when life was easy.
All dreams were in reach.
Today I feel that my life has become a useless journey.
Just aiming at useless dreams, not needing affection.
Like love creates more pain than sweetness.

Where do you look to bring laughter where there is only sadness?
Where do you find smiles when life becomes only a journey toward death?

Am I a coward?
Because I fear tomorrow.
Am I the cause of my own pain?

I feel I have chosen my journey.
For I have touched the pinnacle of love,
reached power and money but I was never complete.
I never found happiness.

Maybe I chose the wrong direction.
I wish to be born anew.

I know only I can open the door to love and forgiveness.
I must find new dreams and hope.

Where do I begin?

I seen to fall on the same path. Money and work.
I don’t need friendship and I don’t even need the gentleness
of a woman touch.

Am I pass the road to know happiness?
Can I find the thirst to be happy?
Is it too late to learn to love?
I don’t know if I have any desire left.

In the Spring.

Maybe I will feel strong again.
Feel the energy of hope.
Maybe the warm days of Spring will rebirth the desire
to love and know laughter again.

In the Spring.
I will find hope again.

                     Coyote
                  John Castellenas

Author's Note

Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

John,

Life is a journey that does not come without pain, that cannot be savored without suffering adversity, that cannot be enjoyed to the fullest without having had that nothing's emptiness of loss ... Wonderful thoughts set to pen of page, here John ... I do know something of loss, emptiness, purposelessness, regrets, and memories that can never be relived again ...

Marve

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Marvin. After two suicide of brothers in 1988 and 1989. I learn to be kinder.

[D. Mansfield]

I feel you on this one brother. I'm I. The same pattern and not liking it. Suicides on both sides of family, somedays if it weren't forbidden , I could join. I get passed that I'm not allowed lol. Good poem

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend for reading and the comment. Suicide had become common now. The children need opportunity.

[Ted Kniffen]

I too hope you make it to Spring John ... I have a feeling you will. There is much to live for ... those old days of pain and emptiness I believe have been filled with love.
We cannot live in the past, we must keep moving forward.

I like this one a lot John .. keep writing Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Ted. A very old poem. I have lived through many Springs and I hope. Many more.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Dear, Cayote Poetry, it is treacherous the mood swinging, temperamental season.
I eagerly await each step of a continuum yet photon to see my hopes and dreams.
Your questions are existentialism. The reason for living, the reason for hope, the reason for why?
A metaphysical question. Be assured. Loss, is crushing, but no matter what
the reasoning is God. God is God. God is great,
sincerely,
Maynard.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. A old poem. I lost two brothers to suicide in 1988 and 1989.

[1809 Black Plague December]

Love you, Cayote Poetry. My sentiments are with you.

[AYVID N]

I lost a loved one to suicide and I relate deeply to your words. My limited wisdom tells me that when facing such a loss, we must strive to find that lost loved one in the people we have with us and around us. We must learn to fill that gaping vacuum with love. There is hope and healing out there if we can but reach for it. Thank you for this very introspective poem.

[Coyote Poetry]

Hello dear dear Divya. Suicide teaches us. Many people prefer death over life. I have written and thought about it for many years. I still can't grasp.

[red93]

'Nothing is more beautiful than Spring'. Fabulous meditation Coyote - another Rebirth, as the World is always reborn, renewed - Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree my friend and thank you for reading and the comment.

[Celie Rose]

I also like Spring. New beginnings, rebirth, renewal, fresh start. Those are the words I think of.
"Am I a coward? Because I fear tomorrow." It is okay to fear tomorrow as long as you don't get stuck there. Taking one day at a time lessens the fear. Stay in the moment. Focus on (positive things) in the present moment. We have no control over tomorrow but we can live each day to the fullest. I enjoyed reading your poem. Thanks for sharing

[Coyote Poetry]

A very old poem dear Celie. Thank you for reading and the comment. Spring, the birth of life, the birth of nature and the rebirth of love.

[Betty Hermelee]

This poem is filled with despair, without hope, looking towards the end... but only you can help yourself to reach greater heights of self love and then perhaps some joy in your life.... maybe when spring arrives.. and the air is fresh. when you've had trauma it is difficult to see through the mist... but you must try, for life can give us happiness if we begin anew. ..feel the warm days of spring... breathe deep.
we must love ourselves first, then we can enjoy the seasons....Thanks for sharing!
Warmly, B

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Betty. A very old poem. Written in 1989. I keep alive to ensure I don't forget. Listen and be kind. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[Betty Hermelee]

You're very welcome John
Warmly, B

[light and ashes]

Such a wonderful read, Coyote.
Well worth my time spent reading.
This was like experiencing the four seasons, and chapters of your life, the best, and the worst, and how it takes it's toll on you. Life starts feeling like something that you are plagued by instead of the gift it is. Something I can understand well.

[Coyote Poetry]

We will have the bad seasons and the good seasons my dear friend. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[light and ashes]

You are very welcome, Coyote.

[Dave Brown]

They are quite humorous, those season thingies
I think Spring is the big winner, although I really enjoy a colorful fall,
But! when I am knee deep on the roof, shoveling endless snow, in the middle of a frigid winter storm, all I want is some hot summer beach weather!
Then, come middle of summer, and a three month super drought, heat dome, dumps on us, frying everything in sight and I am drowning in sweat, I'd love to go winter down hilling with the gang, on a big old sled
Never completely happy

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the Spring and the Summer Dave. I live in Michigan. The days of Winter can be ugly and thank you for reading and the comment.