Too late for forgiveness...

Very old poem with a re-write.

(My brothers Scott and Chuck. Scott committed suicide in 1987, Chuck committed suicide in 1988.)

Too late for forgiveness

A Poem by Coyote Poetry
 A sad one. If you feel death is more important then life. Please call me. Maybe I can help.

 Too late for forgiveness…

My second brother put into the cold earth in 1988. Death by their own hands. The hangman rope more tempting than life. Left many to swim in bad decisions and not enough kind words.

The things I believed in. Became useless and not fruitful anymore. Words said without thoughts or kindness.
Left my soul in blackness. I wished too late to take back words that degrade a life of a brother.

I learn the important things we must believe are  simple and plain. I learn we must rise and fall. Cry and laugh. Beg and demand. I chisel my brother names into a old Oak tree. I asked the Spirit of life and death to forgive me for being a b*****d instead of a friend/brother. Silence and loneliness left me be to the solitude of pen and paper now.

I learn we are all mortals. Too blind to see beyond our own glory, our won story. Till names of the dead are carved into your chest. Today I remember two strong boys who showed no fear. The hidden demons no-one saw. Took them to a rope and no goodbye.

Their death made me more gentle in action and in words. The dream of wealth became less needed. Now I offer a open door to friends and family. I will listen to someone who is struggling and try to help. I don’t believe you can be forgiven.

Lonely graves of two scared boys are permanent scars on a mind and heart. No-one cared that they saw death sweeter then life. I wished I’d listen to a wise grandfather. “Nothing good to say. Say nothing. Negative words and actions can caused permanent damage.”

Better to be a friend then be standing by a casket saying a final goodbye to someone you loved.

                               Coyote

Author's Note

Written in the early nineties.

Reviews

[Stella Armour]

Your grandfather's words were right, but often unkind words are said to others in the heat of the moment and cannot be taken back.
I would think John that your unkindness was only a small contributing factor in their unhappiness, poor boys must have been in a delicate place from many angles to have taken this way out.
We cannot take back the wrongs we have done, but we can learn from them to make the future and the future of others a better place.

[Coyote Poetry]

When we are young. We don't know. People are fragile. Thank you dear Stella for reading and the kind words.

[Stella Armour]

A pleasure John ..

[lightsong]

I feel ashamed of myself to even comment to this, because I have no words, and what even are the words to leave here? I tried before to leave some but I failed, but I'm here today to let You know that I've read it, to let You know You're forgiven already from that painful moment because it's simply never was and not your fault, but what happened shaped You, opened your mind to a new most meaningful purpose in your life, no wonder that You are one of the kindest and caring persons, bless You my friend, bless Your beautiful heart and soul ✨💖✨

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. Was a heavy lesson. I didn't know. Everyone is different. Need more or less. Better to listen than to lecture.

[lightsong]

so right my friend, specially those whom are in pain or in turmoil, they want someone to listen not someone to lecture them and judge them why they didn't do this or that.

Bless You my friend, and may your heart be filled with gentleness and warmth ✨💖✨

[The Ink Chapters]

These words are the exact reason I would never put my family through this. When we die we pass our pain and sorrows onto those we love. It becomes a burden that living with is heavy to carry. I wish you the best in life, and hope that you still manage to live for them and yourself . All the best, and very brave writing!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like to re-post. A reminder. We must be kind to each other and thank you for reading and the comment.

[The Ink Chapters]

I think a persons pain is valid however, and that leaving the world too soon is not ever an easy decision. I’m sorry for your loss

[wordman]

you never know what demons haunt them,what goes through their minds
touching write john

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. Somethings, we learn to live with.

[wordman]

i guess we have to ,but we don`t have to like it

[John the Baptist]

The actions taken by our younger selves can haunt us in later times. I perceive the speaker feels some unkind things said to brothers contributed to their grim endings. It's possible, but not certain. Depression itself can drive one to suicide for no apparently valid reasons. That the speaker has learned a lesson from these tragedies is all the punishment that is necessary. Living in guilt would only add a third name to the casualty list.

[Coyote Poetry]

Life is lesson and more lesson my friend. This was a old lesson. I became kinder and I learn to listen. Thank you my friend for reading and the comment.

[Viktoria]

Such a brave piece of writing, dear Coyote. I think it is wonderful that you have taken the tragedy and turned it into something positive. That would be immensely difficult to do. That you have done this and use your experience to help others is very inspiring. Life is fragile and we never really know what goes on in the minds of those around us. Harsh words are always inevitably shared, but should soon be followed with forgiveness and apology. Thank you for sharing your snippet of life and the wisdom learned from it in this touching piece of writing. 🌹

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Viktoria. Most of us learn the hard way. Not all people are the same as us.

[Haley]

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing a sibling and the grief and pain that you must've gone through. This was a beautiful, haunting write.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Haley. Pain become lesson. Now I listen and I pay attention to my family and friends.

[CMC]

The sentiments are absolutely beautiful, and heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing them through your words

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Christopher for reading and the kind words. Some people are holding on with a thread of hope. We must be kind to the people we care for.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear John... when we are young... there are so many influences... I never had a brother or a sister to talk to and listen to. I somehow feel that it was not you that caused their actions.
No one ever guided me... and I wish someone close had talked with me. My Mother never knew I was confused... but I was never abused by family. It is important for family to guide the younger Siblings, and there may be times such as yours when what you said or did not say was perfect. There are no tried and true instructions. gently, Pat

[Chris Shaw]

So sorry for your loss Coyote. A heavy burden you have carried with you over the years. We gain wisdom as we age. When we are young we often don't have the sensitivity to appreciate that words can be like weapons. And young people can find it difficult to articulate their feelings when they are in emotional turmoil. Hindsight is useless after something of this magnitude has occurred. Time is the best thing we can give to others. Time to sit and listen, because a listening ear can make all the difference between life and death. The photos of your brothers broke my heart. May they RIP. I have learned only with age the importance of a listening ear and to hold back words when I would prefer to lash out. However, I feel sure that your words alone were not enough to make them take the course of action they did. It was far more likely to be an accumulation of many small things. I have a grandson of 22 who lives with me. He has the most sensitive soul and I watch him like a hawk because he is very easily upset by stuff that others might brush off.

Chris

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Chris. I have my four grandchildren and four children. I want to speak and I don't. Better to listen and try to help.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

So sorry for your loss
You mustn’t blame your words or actions you were young back then
You got wiser with age
It’s a tragic thing suicide I know I’ve lost two dear souls
Thanks for the write
Try to forgive yourself if you blame yourself for any part of it please
I had to
It’s still hard

[Coyote Poetry]

I have accepted their death and I learn. Be kind to the people we love and who we befriended. We have lost a few on the W.C to suicide. Thank you dear Julie for reading and the comment.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Oh I didn’t know that re w c
How truly terrible
Take care x