Something is wrong with me.

Bukowski had stole my soul.

                  Something is wrong with me.

Something is wrong with me. I am like a Bukowski  poem gone wrong.

Bukowski told us, do what you love, even if you must be alone, you must go hungry, be homeless and know hard days. Go all the way or just become a mountain that don't move.

I have become the mountain now, never moving, accepting life as-is.

Once I wanted to save my world, write the great novel and live near the sea.

I befallen and I can't find my real face.

I feel I am becoming more stone and rock than human skin.

Once I drank to feel alive, once I sought war to know I was alive.

Love was never my strength, patience is my enemy and kindness is forgotten.

Bukowski would tell me. "You did a fool's dance for the rich men.

Skinned off your real face and be-face with liar eyes.

Now accepting, just enough.

Remember Johnnie, never trust a man who doesn't drink.

Drink the strong whiskey till you can see,

then, your sleepy eyes can be awaken by the taste of the whiskey.

You will see, you are swimming in s**t."

Something is wrong with me. I have become the Hemingway's ghost.

I need the tropical sea, quiet places and polite woman.

I have none of these.

I need to follow Hemingway's advice. Finish one project and work on one thing only.

End at good open statement so you can find the flow of thoughts again. I need to bleed

to paper.

I met Bukowski once in California in the early nineties in a Tavern. I had a lot of cash and I bought the 

whiskey and we drank. He liked me and he told me. Write hard words, honest words. Make

the people feel your suffering. I didn't know who he was that day. His last words were very cool. He told me,

"you write like s**t, but suffer some more and you will write better."

Maybe I am where I suppose to be? 

Maybe I wasn't brave enough?

Maybe I didn't drink enough?

Dancing Coyote

Reviews

[JE Falcon]

Dancing Coyote, it is always the Bukowski's that get the free drinks and the fame for writing lies and spelling truth. Or is that selling truth? --- When it comes to being a famed poet, it is 50% fate, 20% being in the right place at the right time, and 30% good relatable writing. With me, I've never been where I should have been at the right time, so fate was somewhere else when I sat down at the bar (make that Bars). I'm still working on the 30% after ample suffering, and I gave up the drinks because they were never free. --- So, take heart and be you. Like every great pioneering poet, we have to die before we can find greatness. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right my friend. In life. Bukowski lived okay. He didn't complain. His books sell better today then in the past. Today my life is okay. I have good health and five grandchildren. Thank you my friend for reading and the comment.

[The Ink Chapters]

This evokes so much familiarity. I absolutely love the line “you write like s**t but suffer some more and you will write better.” I truly believe to my core that experiencing tragedy is the greatest way to create beautiful art. There is so much potential in tragedy. It brings forth humanity and it’s suffering. And to those who struggle it brings a sense of grim belonging. I can’t tell you how much these words spoke to me. As someone who is in a very dark place I always know that my pain provokes a need to express my thoughts and pour them onto pages. But to hear some of my personal thoughts described by your writing is truly touching. This truly spoke to my soul and is very inspiring to continue even in the hardest times of my life.

[Coyote Poetry]

One day we question. Do we like the person in the mirror, we see? Thank you for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[MoriartyMesa]

i had too google a few words,

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. Happy New year.

[MoriartyMesa]

your one of the best writers i have had the pleasure to read.

[Patricia]

I can feel this one, that search for happiness, something bigger and better then the lowest point of life which has a tendency to be bottomless. Just for the record alcohol is never the way to a muse no matter what a genius poet says. The world is not kind and I have seen many kind men being taken advantage of by very self absorbed women, they will suck the life and money out of you. You did however took that pain and wrote a wonderful poem and that makes you a poet.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Patricia. I quit drinking when I got marry. Can't drink and raise the children.

[Re-Pete]

this reminds me so much of the thoughts of my muse thoreau. a sobering write that holds much wisdom and truth and recipe for self-examination and prioritizing what is important. i have learned to make myself rich with nothing. your ending 'maybe's speak volumes. we mustn't dwell on them and just live and be. things are what the are, should we not be the same? your title actually tells me the opposite. if we can be honest with ourselves and have such a conversation then all is okay in my book ... :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Pete and I agree. We get what we deserve.

[Chris]

He had a clue, so very few did then. He passed it on...to capable hands.

[Coyote Poetry]

He was brave and he lived his life, his way. Thank you Chris for reading and the comment my friend. Happy New year.

[emmajoy]

I've read many of your poems or tales about the many ladies in your past life, each and every one of them full of passion, friendship, need and times vitally important to you. But this poem, John. has a completely different touch, result ~ meaning. Would be interesting to know where and when you met Bukowski within your experiences with the ladies. For sure B. taught you the true foresight and thanks for a wisdom learned through day to day experience.. the value of experience as a gift that only a man can absorb through being his own man as a man,NOT a woman's man. Never mind how or why. Does that make sense? Bukowski took me (Em) aside mentally, took me time to understand just a little of the Male Mind obsessed by an acceptance of self without apology. Now i need read him again, thanks to you.

[Coyote Poetry]

Bukowski told the truth. Few wants to hear the truth. Thank you dear Emma for reading and the comment my dear friend. Happy New Year and I wish you great happiness and great success in 2021.

[emmajoy]

Should have wished you and your family everything you wish yourselves and each other in the coming year. If we all do the best and safest things, life will improve in every way: new priorities discovered. darkness drained from day to day goings on and yet again, the pleasure of sitting or dancing around bright light.

[Laz K.]

I have been watching (not reading) Bukowski on YouTube recently. He definitely had a hard life, and the successful writer we know was a latecomer, and a flower that bloomed in a dirty city dumpster. He was a fascinating individual - broken, sad, but real. Your poem does have a "Bukowskian" mood. He was the tormented, modern man many of us can relate to.

[Coyote Poetry]

I drank with him for three hours. He was a character. I wish I knew who he was. I believe, he liked me. Because I didn't know he was famous and we talked. Thank you Laz for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[Stella Armour]

He told me,
"you write like s**t, but suffer some more and you will write better."
Now that was good advice in my opinion John, only life and it's trials can make us both strong and yet fallible. All the experiences we learn from eventually make the words we can pen into better poems and prose. An easy life has no depth of character.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree dear Stella. We must lived to have something worthwhile to write. Thank you reading and the comment my friend.

[Stella Armour]

Most welcome John :)

[Vicki T.]

And thanks for introducing me to Bukowski's work! I will be reading it all day!

[Vicki T.]

What a beautiful and relatable poem. Listening to advice. Or not taking advice. Makes you wonder. I like how you put the words together. There's so much there!

[Coyote Poetry]

You will love Bukowski. "The Most Beautiful Woman In Town" is my favorite. He is bold and hard. I wish I could write like him. Thank you Vicki for reading and the comment. His books are outstanding.

[Vicki T.]

For what it's worth, after reading more from him, I think your writing is much like his.