Something is wrong with me.

Bukowski had stole my soul.

                  Something is wrong with me.

Something is wrong with me. I am like a Bukowski  poem gone wrong.

Bukowski told us, do what you love, even if you must be alone, you must go hungry, be homeless and know hard days. Go all the way or just become a mountain that don't move.

I have become the mountain now, never moving, accepting life as-is.

Once I wanted to save my world, write the great novel and live near the sea.

I befallen and I can't find my real face.

I feel I am becoming more stone and rock than human skin.

Once I drank to feel alive, once I sought war to know I was alive.

Love was never my strength, patience is my enemy and kindness is forgotten.

Bukowski would tell me. "You did a fool's dance for the rich men.

Skinned off your real face and be-face with liar eyes.

Now accepting, just enough.

Remember Johnnie, never trust a man who doesn't drink.

Drink the strong whiskey till you can see,

then, your sleepy eyes can be awaken by the taste of the whiskey.

You will see, you are swimming in s**t."

Something is wrong with me. I have become the Hemingway's ghost.

I need the tropical sea, quiet places and polite woman.

I have none of these.

I need to follow Hemingway's advice. Finish one project and work on one thing only.

End at good open statement so you can find the flow of thoughts again. I need to bleed

to paper.

I met Bukowski once in California in the early nineties in a Tavern. I had a lot of cash and I bought the 

whiskey and we drank. He liked me and he told me. Write hard words, honest words. Make

the people feel your suffering. I didn't know who he was that day. His last words were very cool. He told me,

"you write like s**t, but suffer some more and you will write better."

Maybe I am where I suppose to be? 

Maybe I wasn't brave enough?

Maybe I didn't drink enough?

Dancing Coyote

Reviews

[JE Falcon]

Dancing Coyote, it is always the Bukowski's that get the free drinks and the fame for writing lies and spelling truth. Or is that selling truth? --- When it comes to being a famed poet, it is 50% fate, 20% being in the right place at the right time, and 30% good relatable writing. With me, I've never been where I should have been at the right time, so fate was somewhere else when I sat down at the bar (make that Bars). I'm still working on the 30% after ample suffering, and I gave up the drinks because they were never free. --- So, take heart and be you. Like every great pioneering poet, we have to die before we can find greatness. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right my friend. In life. Bukowski lived okay. He didn't complain. His books sell better today then in the past. Today my life is okay. I have good health and five grandchildren. Thank you my friend for reading and the comment.

[Viktoria]

I feel this is a real writer's piece, Coyote. Delving into the dark, futile heart of existence, pondering its meaning and what it means to be alive and feel alive. It's the trait of the writer or poet to seek out such answers and spill them on the page so others less adequate with the pen can read and learn for themselves. I found it fascinating you drank with Bukowski. That must have been a very interesting experience. Perhaps I will take his advice, too, and suffer some more. I appreciate the read here. 🌹

[Coyote Poetry]

He was right dear Viktoria. I was young when I met him and many hard lessons made me see and write better. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Laurierose]

Gosh, these words seemed like they were pulled from you. It' interesting knowing what life without doing what one loves is versus how things could be. The grass will always appear greener, even from so far away. The transparency is what leapt out from the page and the courage and self awareness is what made the appeal all the more heartfelt and a page turner. Simply wonderful. Great read.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Laurierose. When old age take over. We look back and we wished we did more.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Well.!! Much of this piece resonates with me also. However I don't feel there is something wrong with me, I'm just getting older and slower. Maybe we think more before acting. Maybe we stopped running and walked steadily forward. Life is one long lesson. I enjoyed this piece.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. I hope I am wiser in old age.

[Pryde Foltz]

Intriguing write. But I have to say that most writers make pitiful life coaches. That said, I love where his inspiration took you on this one:)

[Coyote Poetry]

Bukowski didn't try to teach you. He wanted you to decide your path and live well, fearless and real. Thank you dear Pryde for reading and the comment.

[Fran Marie]

this cuts to the quick
the heart of the matter
so to speak ..

the writer has to bear his
soul and say it like it is
the harsh reality of life
itself fills the poets pen
with poison so it can
be let out on parchment

raw words that have
an impact on the reader
while releasing our
own pain

nice work

[Coyote Poetry]

Bukowski befriended me because I didn't know who he is was. We talks about life, woman and drinking. I learn later he was famous. He didn't like being famous. Liked to be left alone and I understand. Like Salinger. He didn't want to hear the naysayers. He told me. Write for yourself and make it sweat life as-is. Thank you dear Fran for reading and the comment.

[Relic]

A lot of times, experience and age offer the best writing. What we do in that experience and age will hold the subject matter we can choose from.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree my friend. The longer we live. The more we have to tell or not tell. Thank you my friend for reading and the comment.

[Haley]

Such a raw and inspiring piece. The questioning of how things would have gone differently in your life, wanting or wishing things had gone differently. It is hard to have your own life be moldable and not set in stone, to go with the flow and not stick to a rigid plan, and even in the flow, how fast can you alter your behaviors or decisions? Really great job,

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Haley. You are right. Life rarely fall in line with our dreams. We learn to accept less.

[I Am Svetlana]

Eventually, I feel we all need to take some time to bleed onto paper, no matter who you are--just let it all out, be honest and see what transpires along the way. Just writing my thoughts down can take a huge weight off my shoulder, if I feel I've had too much going on internally. The blank page will always be the one thing which will come to understand and accept you, no matter what you say, it will never dare to share your secrets. Why would it? We all must feel there is something wrong with us come some point or another in this lifetime, but you know what...? That's what it means to be a writer, we feel life around us more than any normal person would...

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right my dear friend. All of us. One day. We look into the mirror. Ask the face in the mirror. Am I where I suppose to be. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Neville]

Raw yet so well written and filled with so much of life's true grit that my eyes started to water after only half a dozen lines in ... Top job Coyote ..

Neville

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Neville. I appreciate the comment.

[Neville]

... My pleasure entirely Coyote ...... Neville

[Dave Brown]

many thoughts here that quite likely many of us feel but fail to relate too.
The issue of aging always brings regrets and life seems to pass so quickly but there is always, at least some time left to do, until there isn't
This introduced my to some more reading
Thanks for your thoughts

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Dave. One day, we question who we are? Did we do enough?