Dark days of Texas

A new story had begin.

                                      Dark days of Texas

Another hot day in Texas. 110 degrees and the ground so damn hot. Old man John had put his horse in the Austin horse stable. Too hot to ride and a good time to drink and wait. He looked at the mirror in the Last Chance saloon and he saw a very old man face. When he rode with  Samuel Hamilton Walker 30 years ago. They called him handsome Johnnie. Now his face damaged by the sun and seven scars from Dirty deed Eric knife 10 years ago. All his friends just called him Old man John. He accepted the name without complain. They could have called him worst.  He thought of the Wolf woman. He loved her so and he looked to the walls of the tavern and whispered. Thank you Wolf woman Sherry for saving my life and staying with me. She was mighty pissed off when the Texas Rangers begged him to come back for one more mission. Dirty deed Eric was roaming and killing again. Wild buck Jalan came to his homestead in the Rio Grande Valley. He was lucky  Wolf woman didn't carve off his balls off. Wild Buck Jalan was a old friend. We served together in the Civil war.  He could fight like three men and he could kill with knife or gun with skill and speed. I saved his life plenty of times and he saved my life often. He was from Atlanta and he escaped in 1861 and joined my unit. He was about 140 pounds then and today. Fat and mean as an wild boar. Few black Texas rangers but I befriended him and few men would mess with Wild Buck Jalan. He treated racism with his blade across your forehead and a kick in the face.

He did miss Wolf woman. He remembered after Dirty deed Eric carved-up my face, sliced open his chest  and broke his legs. Then left him in the desert to die and be food for the coyotes. He thought  he was dying and he was dreaming. He saw a person dressed in a bear coat with the face covered. He didn't know if man or woman? She came to him and behind her was a large wolf.  She lowered herself and removed the cover from her face. She put her face close to him and she whispered. You dead or alive you damn coyote. He looked a her pretty face and blue eyes and he whispered. Ain't dead yet pretty lady. Maybe you are the Devil or an Angel? Maybe I'm dead? She smiled and she whispered. Can't kill men like you. Devil don't want you and you are born in Texas. Texas men need a bullet in the head or they crawl like snakes into pit and be reborn. He liked her from the first moment he heard her speak and he told her. I'm glad to have seen a woman before I'm dead. Better than that Dirty deed Eric face, my last thoughts.  She smiled again and she whispered. You ain't dying and you are talking too much for a dying man. Dying men like you. Always talking pretty words and they are meaningless. She picked-up his 200 pound body and she carried him like a child. She put his body over the donkey and he passed-out. His last memory till reaching her cabin hidden in the hills.

When he awoke. He saw Wolf Woman Sherry cooking food in the kitchen and she was wearing only her underwear.  The hot Texas days and night. Leave little need for clothing in the house. He liked what he saw. Longs legs and meaty woman. All of a sudden he felt a animal near. The wolf was eye to eye with him. Liked he read his thoughts. He looked at the wolf and the wolf looked at him. Sherry yelled. El Diablo, go to your bed. She came to him with food and fork and she told him. Don't talk and please just eat. You are lucky I saved you. Your Texas Rangers killed my husband and I thought about feeding you to my wolf. My husband, an Apache.  You killed him on your raids. I don't like people and I don't like you. He looked at her long auburn hair and pretty face. He wondered how a woman lived alone and separated from human life. She saw the questions in his eyes and she told him. If you shut-up. I will tell you my story. He shook his head in agreement. 

She touched the bandages on his face and chest. She whispered. You lucky to be alive. You almost bleed-out. I had to burn your face and chest some. To stop the bleeding. You will be ugly, but you will be alive. Now be quiet and I will tell you a sad tale  with a sad ending. I have my wolf now and no-one bothered me. They call me the Wolf woman. Native Americans and white people. I scare the hell out of them. Years ago I was a young nurse and  I came out-west from Boston.  I worked at one of your small settlements outside of Laredo. The soldiers came mainly. I treated their wounds and they were thankful. They were foolish times. Brother killing brother and the war found Texas. Gray killing blue for the sake of no common sense reasons. One day a few soldiers brought me a Apache. He was beaten and bleeding. The soldiers told me. Keep him alive till tomorrow. Going to hang the savage in the morning. He was handcuffs and silence. I treated his wounds and cleaned him up. He was wearing only a small cloth and he held silence. I fed him like I'm feeding you. He ate the food and after he was was done. He told me. Thank you kind woman.  I asked him. You speak English? He smiled and he told her. Yes, when I must. He was tall, strong and his eyes kind and gentle toward me. The soldiers looked at her like a piece of meat. Few woman were around. After I fed him. I went back to my work. I had two patience and I was tire. About 6 pm, two soldiers came in drinking and talking loud. I asked them. Do you need something? They came to me. Tossed me on a patience empty bed and stripped-off my clothing. I closed my eyes expected the worst and I opened my eyes. I saw the Apache put the fork I left near him into the back of the neck of one of the soldiers and the other soldier got a foot into the his face. He jumped on the soldier and he broke his neck. The Apache came to me and he handed me some clothing and he asked. You okay little one? I'm sorry I killed them in your hospital. I rose-up and I embraced him. I thanked him a thousand times.  We left for the desert and we found his tribe. He told them I saved him from death and the other Apaches accepted me as their own. I became their medicine woman. Me and Winter Hawk got together one night and became one. Simple Apache way. After his death. The wolf he gave me. My only friend. All the Apaches are dead and gone. I became the Wolf woman and I like it.

Old man John was awoken from his daydreams and thoughts by Wild buck Jalan. They drank whiskey and they watched Loca Amber do her snake dance on the stage. They liked the Last Chance saloon. Few fights and available woman for Jalan.  They discussed Dirty Deed Eric as the darkness took over the Texas sun. Old man John told him. Dirty deed Eric is near. He is so damn mean. He robbed his mother and killed her dog. He so lonely and hateful. His only friends are the desert snakes and the wild dogs. Wild Buck Jalan told him. He is the blackest, meanest and ugliness man in Texas. he killed his brother for the last cigarette. How we going to catch him? He hit and run like a rabbit in heat. Leaving only death and blood behind.  Old man John touched his Walker's revolvers and he watched Loca Amber kiss her snake and he told him. We will find him. Kill him once, then kill him twice to ensure he is really dead. He has no friends and he killed his mother's dog.

Two-pistol Tammy came over and she smiled. She told them. Can't kill dirty deed. He is the Devil son. We need to bury his ugly a*s 20 feet deep in a un-marked grave. Pour some acid on him and before we bury him. We need to piss on his grave. Wild buck Jalan smiled and he agreed. He knew Two-pistol Tammy story. Dirty Deed Eric killed her sister and her lover. Raped them and hung them on the front porch of her house. She yearned for this day to repaid this debt. Double-shot Shirley came over and she told them. You can't kill Dirty deed Eric without me. It takes the devil to kill another devil. He may be ugly, he maybe the meanest, blackest and coldest man in Texas. I going to cut-off his head and his balls. Hang them from my kitchen lamp. Shirley looked sad. Please Handsome John. He killed my husband and burn-down my farm. I need to make him die slowly and painful. Old man John smiled and he told Shirley and Tammy. I will be honored to ride with you ladies. Wolf woman will be glad to see you. She is here in Austin. She is burning sage and seeking information.

Dirty Deed Eric saw a Mexican family going South. Him and his gang attacked them.  He murdered the husband first. The wife and child tried to run.  Dominic the butcher and Sweet Cheryl Lee made a bet. Cheryl Lee told him. One shot each for a silver dollar bet. Dominic the butcher smiled and he told her. I will take the bet sweetie. She raised her rifle. Two shots and both mother and daughter laid dead. Dirty Deed found some bottles of tequila hidden in the bags on the donkey. Cheryl Lee and Dominic the butcher sat on the dead Mexican father body. Dirty deed Eric handed them a bottle and he raised his bottle to the sky and he thanks the Mexican in Hell once day for the good drink and the man bleed out into the desert sand.

                      ----

Author's Note

Chapter one. A new effort for something new.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Nice to find that you're writing another book-length story. This is a very complex cast of characters & your storytelling is realistic for the times. I like the way you use rustic, gunslinger lines such as cutting off his balls . . . you talk too much for a dying man . . . run like a rabbit in heat . . . & so much more. The way you pepper your description & dialogue with these awesome phrases, it really builds characters that are memorable & bigger than life.

One glitch I noticed . . . paragraph 1 the guy is 140 lbs . . . paragraph 2 the guy is 200 lbs . . . & to me, it would be more like 240 lbs if the guy is "fat & mean" as you say.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear friend for reading and the help. I do appreciate.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Love everything about it. I can see and feel the colorful characters and the grit of the hot day. Great storytelling! Mesmerizing from the first sentence. The Ballad of Wolf woman Sherry and Old man John - I'm a fan!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Annette. My new story I'm writing now. I appreciate the comment.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Coyote, Wolfwoman Sherry is such a great character I love his interactions with her especially the image of her face close to his asking if he was dead...I laughed when she says 'the devil don't want you and you are born in Texas' overall a really great western feel to this story, with great characters, rough, ugly and beautiful...layered with life and experience. The storytelling reminded me of Louis L'Amour's books my father read all of his books and in my very early teens I had read a few as well. You've got some gold here. Mahalo for sharing. Izzy

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. I needed the positive comment.

[Island Hippy]

You're welcome

[MsJewel]

This is fantastic work John. It has great flow. You capture the reader with your descriptions which allows us to "see" the characters. You have an amazing imagination. I'm looking forward to reading more. :) Julie

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Julie. I appreciate the positive comment.

[Papaya]

Very captivating John, I really like the wolf woman character you've created. Good to see a woman portrayed with strength. I'm really excited about this new project of yours. Looking forward to reading more!

[Coyote Poetry]

At work three days ago. Woman came in. Pretty, tall and young. A country type girl. She bought two sets of covers and pillows. I asked her. New house? She told me her wolf, her fox and the goat shedded on her bed. I added her to my story. Thank you Ana for reading and the comment.

[Papaya]

Awesome,I love that she's an inspired character!

[ms. barrie]

a compelling piece that vividly captures one's imagination. tho quite compelling, there is a subdued vulnerability you wrought within the portrayals of the emotions of the characters, a desperation//longing that adds realism to this piece.

i really enjoyed, (& appreciated) the effort, time you took to share with us the historical times, events that you weaved into this, this keeps the reader engaged, at least for me, always a bonus to learn something new//something you can take away

this is a brilliant chapter/beginning & i do hope that you'll continue with this. thank you for sharing, dear friend- x

[Coyote Poetry]

I will write more tonight. A ideal I got at work last week. A change of pace for me. Thank you for reading and the comment my friend.

[Norbanus]

You have the potential her for a captivating yarn. Your mix of the rough, ugly side of the old west with modern perspective may well go over with some, but it is unrealistic and needs a solid edit to reduce repetition, wordiness and the 'telling' style.
Repeating words, such as 'old man' four times in the first paragraph, takes away from the emphasis on the character's age.
To make this a viable western this tale needs an action opening and to find a way to expose the backstory, rather than 'telling it' as an info dump.
'Too hot to ride and a good time to drink' is an excellent line but even that line cannot overcome an opening describing a hot Texas day.
When reading an action packed drama, the reader must first suspend their disbelief at unlikely events. That's hard to do when presented with a slow action beginning and such issues as woman described as little heaving a 200 pound man, with a broken leg, onto a horses back.
Perhaps an opening during one of the horrendous scenes described by any one of the characters, would get the story moving and help to set progress and pace.
I'd love to read more about 'Old Man John' and the Wolf Woman, but they need a path to trod which lets the story unfold and their characters with it.

If you must start the story at this point, here are a few suggestions for the opening paragraph. I've put them in parenthesis so you can find the easily, if you are interested by searching for '('

A hot day in Texas. 110 degrees and the ground so damn hot.(cut these first two sentences. 'A hot day in Texas' is too cliché, even for a melodrama.) Old man John had(cut 'had'. It takes the reader out of the moment.) put his horse in the Austin horse(cut repeated use of 'horse') stable. Too hot to ride and a good time to drink and wait(cut 'and wait'. It is wordy and adds nothing.) Old man(cut 'Old man. We've already identified him as old. Insert 'He) looked(replace 'looked' with 'glanced.) at the mirror in the Last Chance saloon and he(cut 'he') saw a very(cut 'a very old man.' Adverbs seldom help. Insert 'that his title of 'old man' fit him well.(Insert paragraph break.)
When he rode with Samuel Hamilton Walker 30 years ago. They called him handsome Johnnie. Now his face, damaged by the sun and seven scars from Dirty deed Eric knife 10 years ago, was anything but handsome. His friends just called him Old man John. He accepted the name without complain(t). His enemies called him worst.(Insert paragraph mark)
He thought of (cut the)Wolf woman. He loved her so(.) and(cut 'and') (H)he looked to the walls of the tavern and whispered. Thank you Wolf (W)woman Sherry for saving my life and (for) staying with me. She was mighty pissed off('Pissed off is a modern term when used in mixed company. Until the most recent times a man would never have used such a term, in the presence of, or about, a woman a man respected. If you are going to use 'pissed off' blend it with the next sentence. Insert ', when the) Texas Rangers begged him to come back for one more mission. Dirty deed Eric was roaming and killing again. (Insert 'His old friend, Wild buck Jalan came to(cut 'came to'. Insert 'Showed up at') his homestead in the Rio Grande Valley. He was lucky my Wolf woman didn't carve off(cut 'off'. Insert 'his' balls off. Wild Buck Jalan was a old friend(cut 'was a old friend'). We served together in the Civil war. He could fight like three men and he could kill with knife or gun with skill and speed(cut 'with skill and speed). I saved his life plenty of times(cut 'plenty of times'. Get specific. Where did Old Man John save his life? What battle? and he saved my life often(cut 'my' life often'. Again, be specific about when) He was from Atlanta and he escaped in 1861(He was from Atlanta? Was he a slave? What did he escape from?) and joined my unit. He was about 140 pounds then and today. Fat(Fat, at 140 pounds? Cut the word 'Fat') and mean as a wild boar. Few (Cut 'Few'. Insert 'There were few black Texas rangers but I befriended him and (Insert 'helped him join the ranks') few(cut the second use of 'few')Consider using 'Not many) men would mess with Wild Buck Jalan. He treated racism with his blade across your forehead and a kick in the face.(A black man in those times, who didn’t tolerate racism would simply have been killed. How about presenting Wild Buck Jalan as a man who ignored racists and soon earned the respect of all those who worked with him.)

All the best with this story,

Norbanus

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for the help. I do appreciate your time given. I like making Wild Buck Jalan fearless and careless. It is the western days. Few lived 40 years.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

As always captivating and filled with a mix of the rough, ugly side of people and their gentler one. Good characterisation and story progress and pace. A few issues putting use of English aside for the most part. It is 'patient' or 'patients' when referring to people in hospital care. Not sure how the Wolf lady managed to heave a 200lb man onto the back of a horse but in any case she would probably have killed him by moving him without first splinting that broken leg you told us about!
And it is highly unlikely a man would 'bleed-out' from facial wounds?

[Coyote Poetry]

Seven wounds to the face. I re-edit now. The story came to my mind at work. I appreciate your reading and the honest opinion. Wolf Woman is strong like horse.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Even seven wounds to a face are unlikely to cause Bleeding out. A major blood vessel has to be compromised for this to happen unless done like the death of a thousand cuts!