I hate you, I love you

Just words

                   

       I hate you, I love you

I try to escape you. I try to flee your memory. I repeat secret words in hidden places in my mind. I hate you, I love you. I can't forget you.

In intoxicating dreams, I see you dear Elena. I repeat the memory of us. Your lover leaving you with me and she told me, "keep her busy," and she rushed to new territory to explore. You wrapped your legs over my lap, and lay your head upon my shoulder and whispered. "You are the only one who worship and love me. Please Johnnie. Don't run from me. Please come and stay with me. I'm alone all day. Every afternoon. I whispered a secret wish. You would appear at my door. Your adoring eyes making me feel perfect and beautiful. I need someone to make me feel sexy and wanted."

In real life, we end-up alone too often. We wait at the bus-stop for children and grandchildren. You and I. We arrive early daily.  Our eyes dart with consuming glances, making wishes of the small sin that cannot be forgiven. I told you often. We share one love, one lie and run from the amorous kiss. You would save me and I would make you feel free of a fake smile and lonely life.

You whispered to my wanting ear. "The wisp of the temptation of sacred kiss and unwashed memories. Leave us longing and lingering in things we should not taste or touch. If we do. Would we begin a legacy of need that would grow till we escape or die in a prison of a fragile and fake love. You are free tomorrow and I'm alone. Please come to me. If you hesitate.  Maybe you and I are just wishes and a tale of myth and tale" I told her. The vulnerability of falling into places of mystery. It will be imprinted upon heart and mind till death do us part. I hate you , I love you.  You are my first and last wish dear love. I will be knocking on your door in the morning my lovely Elena.

I arrived at your door and before I can knock you opened the door wearing a white t-shirt, flowing auburn hair, eyes of hazel green and showing me Winter pale slim legs and skin. You stood barefooted and so damned pretty. I told you. I'm here and you are so beautiful. You took my hand and you took me to warm and cozy bed. We lay in deep silence in hard embrace and I kissed your neck, shoulder, face and lips. You whispered. "Talk to me Johnnie. Make me feel like I'm the only one. Please listen to my dreams and hopes. Allow me to be real and make my aches of need to be covered with the sweet kindness of love. I want a thousand kisses and many morning dances. I want us to be beckoned by old needs of passion without regret and drink coffee till the 1pm hour daily.  I know we are the thieves of a blessed love that cannot be seen or brought to the real daylight. You can escape now or stay. Create a utopia for two empty people needing reasons to be alive or be left with a love barely attempted."

I kissed her a hundred times and I whispered. All things fall into place. You and I are destined to find the same road one night. You are my Agnes and I shall become your Hemingway. I will never leave you or forget you my dear Elena.

                        I hate you, I love you



                                 John Castellenas/Coyote

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Author's Note

Just words.

Reviews

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jac..]

If you loved someone for a long time and they left, they take a piece of you with them. It leaves you drained and discontent, oftentimes that empty space takes a long time to fill. I can relate to this for that reason and it's a scenario that unfortunately most of us will experience at least once. The story you create here is both beautiful and shattering, you can sense that much of yourself was imprinted into these words. Thank you for sharing this touching and truthful write.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right Jack. The people we loved. Become a part of us. Thank you for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

You are welcome, it's a pleasure.

[Tony Jordan]

So very sensual. Your skills at painting scenes like this are excellent. She is beautiful.

I hate you, I love you is an awesome piece.
Thanks for sharing it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Tony. I appreciate the comment.

[Tony Jordan]

Welcome Coyote.
:)

[barleygirl]

This is a well-described & relatable situation. I can feel how it must feel to have this other person seemingly using you for her own comfort, to fulfill her needs, yet not really giving back to you in kind. Thus, I understand the conflict in the title so well. It's hard to resist offerings of love, but it's so hateful to look at the other side of this punishing give-and-take.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the comment. Temptation can be wishes. Sometime kind dreams create good poetry. The poem came to me in a dream.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

These aren't just words.. The emotions behind it tell everything and more.. When we can't be with the one we so want to be with, the love we feel towards them feels like a curse and we are bound by it in a chain.. I was deeply touched by this piece.. Good work!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend for reading and the comment. Somethings we cannot have.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Indeed.. You are welcome ☺

[Lyn Anderson]

an absolutely riveting and beautiful story. It is difficult to convey the complexity of emotion that comes with an affair, yet you do this in a sympathetic manner, and with ease.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment. I appreciate the help.

[Giulia King]

Wow, a masterpiece! Beautifully written and a wonderful work on this piece, my friend!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Gullia. I appreciate the comment.

[Ken Simm.]

Oh I empathise with this. Especially the small sins part. I also find myself agreeing wholeheartedly with dear Emma. Certainly a dramatic piece.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. Sometime no winners. Just accepting what is left.

[emmajoy]

'In real life. We end-up alone too often. We wait at the bus-stop for.. '

Yours are never 'just words'. You uncover your memories and share the most incredible past.. one with both terror or passion.. and, to be honest, i've noticed far more of the passionate pieces have been posted in more recent years. Guess love, true love, passion, affection always remains, even hidden, even thought forgotten.. it all embeds selves into every layer of a person who's lived.

Your words above are dramatic, thus so very visual, they near hurt. Your attitude was, still is gallant.. chivalrous, if you like.. the gentle soul of you creates wonderful poetry.

'I will never leave you or forget you my dear.. ' must have been said and is, by so many.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. I agree with your logic. In old age. Passion is remembered.

[Ardra]

Wow…that’s all I can think of after reading this one..
So beautiful and touching the story of two people who cant be together..still completing the empty space in heart and soul… heartwarming.. hugs :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Ria. Some dances can be dangerous.

[Ardra]

haha :P dance should be dangerous otherwise what is the fun