I hate you, I love you

Just words

                   

       I hate you, I love you

I try to escape you. I try to flee your memory. I repeat secret words in hidden places in my mind. I hate you, I love you. I can't forget you.

In intoxicating dreams, I see you dear Elena. I repeat the memory of us. Your lover leaving you with me and she told me, "keep her busy," and she rushed to new territory to explore. You wrapped your legs over my lap, and lay your head upon my shoulder and whispered. "You are the only one who worship and love me. Please Johnnie. Don't run from me. Please come and stay with me. I'm alone all day. Every afternoon. I whispered a secret wish. You would appear at my door. Your adoring eyes making me feel perfect and beautiful. I need someone to make me feel sexy and wanted."

In real life, we end-up alone too often. We wait at the bus-stop for children and grandchildren. You and I. We arrive early daily.  Our eyes dart with consuming glances, making wishes of the small sin that cannot be forgiven. I told you often. We share one love, one lie and run from the amorous kiss. You would save me and I would make you feel free of a fake smile and lonely life.

You whispered to my wanting ear. "The wisp of the temptation of sacred kiss and unwashed memories. Leave us longing and lingering in things we should not taste or touch. If we do. Would we begin a legacy of need that would grow till we escape or die in a prison of a fragile and fake love. You are free tomorrow and I'm alone. Please come to me. If you hesitate.  Maybe you and I are just wishes and a tale of myth and tale" I told her. The vulnerability of falling into places of mystery. It will be imprinted upon heart and mind till death do us part. I hate you , I love you.  You are my first and last wish dear love. I will be knocking on your door in the morning my lovely Elena.

I arrived at your door and before I can knock you opened the door wearing a white t-shirt, flowing auburn hair, eyes of hazel green and showing me Winter pale slim legs and skin. You stood barefooted and so damned pretty. I told you. I'm here and you are so beautiful. You took my hand and you took me to warm and cozy bed. We lay in deep silence in hard embrace and I kissed your neck, shoulder, face and lips. You whispered. "Talk to me Johnnie. Make me feel like I'm the only one. Please listen to my dreams and hopes. Allow me to be real and make my aches of need to be covered with the sweet kindness of love. I want a thousand kisses and many morning dances. I want us to be beckoned by old needs of passion without regret and drink coffee till the 1pm hour daily.  I know we are the thieves of a blessed love that cannot be seen or brought to the real daylight. You can escape now or stay. Create a utopia for two empty people needing reasons to be alive or be left with a love barely attempted."

I kissed her a hundred times and I whispered. All things fall into place. You and I are destined to find the same road one night. You are my Agnes and I shall become your Hemingway. I will never leave you or forget you my dear Elena.

                        I hate you, I love you



                                 John Castellenas/Coyote

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Author's Note

Just words.

Reviews

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jac..]

If you loved someone for a long time and they left, they take a piece of you with them. It leaves you drained and discontent, oftentimes that empty space takes a long time to fill. I can relate to this for that reason and it's a scenario that unfortunately most of us will experience at least once. The story you create here is both beautiful and shattering, you can sense that much of yourself was imprinted into these words. Thank you for sharing this touching and truthful write.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right Jack. The people we loved. Become a part of us. Thank you for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

You are welcome, it's a pleasure.

[Lovecraft]

I can relate to this piece quite a bit. It resonated with me, revealing emotions I never knew I truly had. Good work, dude!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the comment. All of us hold deep and wild passion. Sometime we just lock it up.

[Lovecraft]

Yes, and we never reveal it sometimes.

[Jon Roggie]

We have many loves. Some stay with you. The fourth stanza sums it up.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Jon. I appreciate the comment.

[Papaya]

Heartbreaking... We all want that happy ending but it's so rare that it ever happens that we begin to accept and move on but always with a piece of someone's heart in exchange for a piece of your own.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right. Life give us what we deserve. Thank you Ana for reading and the comment.

[Tina Kline]

what a very moving story, very emotional. The desperate need to feel wanted and loved. We all feel it from time to time. This is a very emotional and gripping write. Fabulous!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Tina. You are very kind.

[Adil]

Ur thoughts are so real and honest..loved ur work a lot..thanks for sharing..:)

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Adil. I appreciate the comment.

[Hope514x]

These words this story is so strong I think this by far of the top pieces !
I will be re reading this

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Hope. I appreciate the comment.

[Dave]

I love the imagery you paint with your words. I wish I could say that I was never there, never done that, don't have those feelings, but I would be lying. I foolishly betrayed the one who sacrificed so much for me. I was fortunate though, she was and is a very loving and forgiving woman. For all of that there is never a day that I don't think of the other.

[Coyote Poetry]

Some woman can steal our mind and thoughts. Thank you Dave for reading and the comment.

[Valentine]

So often love and hate are on the opposite sides of the same coin. Many people love who ever they happen to be with at the time, no self confidence. Valentine

[Coyote Poetry]

Love can leave us bare. Confident in love can be dangerous. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[The dark story]

Touching...Ravishing...I am tongue-tied. It is imbued with passion, love and emotions so strong that they grip you tight,like in a trance. I am amazed your memory is so alive, so vibrant. This reflects how deep an impression it have had on you. You are an outstanding poet. And as Wordsworth has said, poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions recollected in tranquility. Your verses just nail it.
I am so glad to be here and read your works. Thank you so much for sharing. Have a good day sir 😊

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Atiba. I appreciate the kind words.