The cold blooded lover

Old memories lay heavy in hidden places.

      The cold blooded lover

My bad karma led me to you in 1986. You were tire and wore-out and needed a gentle touch and kind smile. I have not forgotten your wanting hazel eyes and your beautiful face. I was trying to drink myself to death and you wanted someone to truly love you.

Desperate and pouring emotions dancing with the Devil, allowed the will of the heart to bathe is wishes and lies. The hope and wishes of needy people lead to the tragic tale with only poor ending and many tears.

I loved your hazel eyes and wild spirit. You looked at me like I was your salvation and a safe place. Our love wasn't allowed. You belong to someone else and I was just a cold blooded lover looking for one reason to be alive.

We found each other in the East side bars of Detroit.  The whiskey, wine and beer made us indulge in hell-bend carnage and arise hope in the dark water of impossible.  We open doors that should of been locked and secure.

I remember your face. Your begging smile wanting me to tell you. Come live with me and leave this depression life. The strong whiskey made us feel safe in the twenty dollars hotels and we infused ourselves with desperate and passionate love. Where lovers find peace in midnight hours. A second of  shelter and peace, then daybreak bring real world and real face.

Tonight I watched the midnight moon and  I remember you. How I left you like everyone else did. You ran for the west coast and found more greedy men and early death.

Today no-one speak sweetly of you. I wondered how you died and did you ever find love? I whispered to the sleeping Gods. Please take a lost angel into heaven. She did not know tenderness or kindness with us here in this world. She was too sweet and kind for us greedy men. She gave everything and she accepted little back in return.

I remember you. I remember your hazel eyes and your beautiful face. I remember a beautiful woman who knew hard roads and little kindness. I love your memory and I wish I was kinder. Old age had taught me. Gifts of love are rare and they are our sweetest days and night.

Lovely one. I remember you.

                           John Castellenas/Coyote

Author's Note

Just words.

Reviews

[Drama Child]

"The hope and wishes of needy people lead to the tragic tale with only poor ending and many tears." Favorite line, and so strongly written and true. It sounds so much like a "if only" story. If only... you asked her to stay with you, if only... she realized her true worth and could have seen herself like you did.
Beautiful Writing!

[Coyote Poetry]

Some people find bad roads and the wrong people. Break your heart when they find dead-end. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[revalatia]

I like this piece :) ...A bittersweet homage to a time and place nicely reflected through your words. It makes me wonder who might think of me when time takes it's toll..
Thank you for sharing!

[Coyote Poetry]

I wondered the same question and thank you for reading and the comment.

[Valentine]

So much is said in this write. I really like the idea of this one. Valentine

[Coyote Poetry]

This is one of my real poems. Real sin cannot leave you. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[Colette]

Hey Wow Coyote! Where to begin? I've been a bit MIA, but still wallowing in unrequited love. Are you from Michigan? Did I not know this? I grew up in the D! I'm now living amongst coyotes in Phoenix!

Anyway...your words...wow. Of course the melancholy moves me, perhaps cuz I identify with it so much, and because I truly value when someone can allow their self to be vulnerable and share their heartache and woes with others through written word (if no other way).

"I was trying to drink myself to death and you wanted someone to truly love you." mmm *snap *snap < if I was at a spoken word event and you were reciting this, that's my reaction ;)

"The hope and wishes of needy people lead to the tragic tale with only poor ending and many tears." < tru dat!

"We open doors that should of been locked and secure." < Wow.

"How I left you like everyone else did. You ran for the west coast and found more greedy men and early death." < haunting. Wow. Just Wow.

thanks for sharing JC, and I'm glad I meandered this way this morning, as I'm off to a somewhat rough start.

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad Colette. I appreciate the comment and I hope your day become better.

[Lauren]

This a beautiful and heartfelt poem that brought a story to life. I could feel the sadness you wrote within it's lines, and see moments pass through my vision as if they were on a television. Loved it, and all the emotion within it!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading. Deeds done good and bad. Become part of us.

[J. F. Charleston]

A great, but sad story my friend. Always enjoyable.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. Real life teaches us lessons.

[Karmee]

Oh wow, this is really good. such a sincere write from the heart

[Coyote Poetry]

Best words written are true and were lessons. Thank you Kitseth for reading and the comment.

[RomaJ]

This makes me think of all the people, I've met along the way. Never really knowing what kind of impact was made in their lives. (I can only hope, it was all for the best. )
It narrows down, until there is only one, I guess. Our soulmate.
And those chosen few, who remain...good friends.

Still, there is always that one person. For some reason, burnt into our memories.
It is heart-breaking to find that their life was cut short.
Especially for a lovely and gentle soul.

Only God knows why, our roads ever crossed. Everything happens for a reason, as they say.

Even if, "bad karma led you to her" on that fateful day. I'm certain you were just what she needed at that time and place, in her life. To have known a "gentle touch and a kind smile." However brief, is something to be always treasured.

Hopefully, her soul finds the kind of peace, she yearned for in life. A very heart-touching read.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree Roma. Life is fair to some people. They accepted less and been mistreated so long. Don't remember kindness no-more. Thank you Roma for reading and the comment.

[Lord of mad men]

Cool. It is a very good kind of darkness

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you. All of us hold darkness near.

[Ardra]

I remember your face. Your begging smile wanting me to tell you. Come live with me and leave this depression life. ... how these words of yours are soul stirring ... loved the story and sad to know she met with early death..maybe life was kind to her in that way...love reading your stories... appreciate for sharing these tales with us .. and her soul will smile reading it.. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I hope she is. Dear Ria. Some people are born to know sadness and chaos only. Thank you Ria for reading and the comment.