Brianna

Just words-a 1994 poem with a re-write

                            

                                             Brianna

Pretty woman danced alone.
Her body dancing freely to the good songs and
she had no concern for the observers of her dance.

I went to her in her quiet corner of the dance hall and I asked to sit with her. She smiled and she told me. A free country still my handsome soldier. But be careful. The Devil hides in strange places.

I smiled and  I told her. I met the Devil. He liked my company and he told me. I had a lot to accomplish still. She laughed and she told me. I like Long Island ice teas, men who want little and who escaped before the morning light.

I smiled and I told her. No clean people my new friend. All of us are dirty with sin. Life is just trickery to make us want more. She looked away as I ordered the drinks and she turned to me and asked. Soldier, I'm dirty with sin. Left people I loved behind and dirty with a hunger I cannot be fulfilled. You better walk away.  Better to not start a story leading to a bad ending.

I took her hands. The hands were afraid at first and than she held my hand tightly. I whispered to her wanting ear. I want a woman with a million miles of living. I don't need the innocence of clean heart or mind. I want to feel the dirt of another the same as me. I know what the hopeful and young at heart can see and feel. Perfect love turns black with time dear Lady.

She smiled and she told me her name is Brianna. I told her my name is Johnnie. A Fort Hood soldier looking for a woman wild and free. Not looking for Jesus. Looking for some kindness of happiness. Her eyes begin to shine and she laughed at me and she gave me a quick kiss. She whispered to me. You make me smile and I liked your honest voice. If you can dance as good as you can talk. Maybe I will allow you to buy me a cup of coffee after the club is done.

Some Ray Charles  songs come alive from the speakers. The song "Georgia on my mind" is playing. Pretty woman asked. Can you two-step my Johnnie? I took her hand and we lead her to the dance floor. I brought her close and we moved to the song. She fell into me and she held me tightly. She whispered. Love is not enough. Us heartless people are just grasping at hope in the chaos of lies and wine. I told her. Love can be sweet and pure. Love can be dirty and unwelcome.  Sometimes the people who love freedom over the walls and the locked doors. Can find each other for moment. Maybe we can be the lucky ones?

                              John Castellenas/Coyote

Author's Note

A rewrite from a old poem.

Reviews

[Shannon]

You write about a good time with a veil of melancholy over laid. Makes it both more real and, somehow more wild and free.
I am curious about how it felt to go back that far and revive an old piece. What progress you saw. Was there something you lost along the way that you would rekindle?

[Coyote Poetry]

Can rekindle what was lost. New life and places. Both people will change. I do keep in contact many old loves still. Thank you Facebook.

[Lyn Anderson]

I remember this story. It is beautiful. Still has the same feel, just slightly more structured. Good reworking without changing the feel. It is helpful to go back sometimes and see older poems with fresh eyes.

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. Old poetry do need a re-write. Thank you for reading and the comment my friend.

[Jon Roggie]

Sweet while it lasts, and sad when you have to leave. Nice one.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right Jon and thank you for reading.

[Carolynn]

Wow - the honesty you weave between the two conversations is remarkable. It was as if all the hidden thoughts and conversations people may hide when first meeting someone were just laid out on the table in pure honesty and truth. I bet a relationship with that kind of start could last much longer than they think - I really enjoyed this Coyote :)

[Coyote Poetry]

It did. Lasted till I had to be transfer to Fort Steward, Georgia. All of us need good company and laughter. Thank you Carolynn. I appreciate the comment.

[Pryde Foltz]

A man that can two-step is worth his weight in gold. Great write, Coyote:)

[Coyote Poetry]

I learn to two-step in Texas in 1992. Texas was fun. First place I visit where women asked men to dance. Thank you Pryde for reading and the comment.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

I love the music of Nicks.
Your narrative writing here is so like those scenes in these types of places.
The soldier is relative today and the past.
Seeking love is relative always.
Thanks for penning a scene of exchange.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Josie for reading and the comment. I love Stevie too.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are welcome! She is a classic and her music was something I often played inside my light blue 1979 Camaro along with Tom Petty, Ac/Dc, and Joan Jett.

[Coyote Poetry]

Me too my friend.

[Sami Khalil]

Fun, nostalgia, and memories with great wisdom about life and women. I lived in Tx. and this brought back great memories. Thank you good sir for sharing your wonderful works and experiences...)..........................

[Coyote Poetry]

Texas is wonderful. I was single and young. I was station six years in Texas. Best days and nights of my life. Thank you Sami for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.
Coyote

[Sami Khalil]

I love it. You are welcome...:).................

[Papaya]

I want a woman with a million miles of living.

Wow. You really do have some great lines! I loved every little bit of this one!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. I appreciate the comment. Life is fair. People swimming in the same creek can find each other.

[Papaya]

Yes. Very true. Always enjoy your ultra romantic writing Coyote.

[H.L. Cerveise]

I love this story poem. The talking dialog often comes across poetic just like I am sure you intended. There are many lines I like, below are some of them.

"Life is just trickery to make us want more."
"I whispered to her wanting ear"
"I want a woman with a million miles of living."

Those are just a few I liked above. There is more, but you get the point.

Well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the help. I do appreciate.

[barleygirl]

One of my all-time favorite pickup lines: "I want a woman with a million miles of living." Your barroom conversations are so unique & interesting & honest, you should write a book of pickup lines for other dumb, bumbling guys! *smile* I love your point of view & your deep-rooted sense of independence. I'm also amazed you can remember all these lucky ladies' names to use in your poems! I love the Fleetwood Mac song you've chosen, which works perfectly with "Brianna" . . . *smile*

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you my friend. The song took me back to Texas. Good song can be good muses.