I whispered to her. “Sweet baby, darling and honey. Dark is the night. The midnight hour leave us wanting for things we can’t have. Deep midnight is cold and lonely. Sometimes we must accept pretty lies and lull in new lullabies of hope.” Her sovereign eyes were asking me to stay and go in the same glance.”
Her pretty hazel eyes besieged me and she whispered. “Love divine had turn dirty. The pledge of love seem like the prayers of a fool.I have nothing left to give. I know only tears and regret.”
I brought her near and I kissed her forehead and caressed her flowing auburn hair and I whispered. “Time will make past love become distance love. The thirst for tender caress and kiss will slowly kill the pain of the loss of love sweet taste. In time, we will accept less. Everybody hurts. The lessons of love are fair. Love will not be a fairy tale and we will learn. Love is the sweetest wine and can be the most bitter kiss.”
Pretty woman gave me fake smile and she embraced me. Hiding silence tears. We fall together on her bed. I hold her like child and I’m whispering lullabies of places and things she wanted to do. I told her. “Tomorrow we will find Big Sur and Saturday, we will escape to San Francisco.We will drink in the breweries and laugh at ourselves for being fools in the dreams of love.
She gave me a smile and she whispered. “A grand adventure sweet Johnnie. This is what I need.”
Such tender words, it is very comforting and soothing to the weary soul, in all that reads. "Everybody hurts, sometimes" A good reminder to always be kind because we never know, what a person is going through. The song was very heartfelt as was this write. Lovely.
Posted 9 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you Roma. I agree. Each of us can take more or less in the emotion of love.
I learn a lot from reading you, sir, and for some reasons, your statements about love and pain and life remind me of Khalil Gibran. Great write as usual!
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you Blue. I'm honored to be mention with the great Khalil Gibran. I have his book above me. H.. read moreThank you Blue. I'm honored to be mention with the great Khalil Gibran. I have his book above me. His world and life taught us. Lead with love and kindness.
Since everyone has summed up the beauty of this piece, I will instead try to correct it in certain places where I found the Grammar to be lacking. I'm no expert at this but I will try to, to the best of my abilities.
I whispered to her. “Sweet baby..." Instead of a period after her, use a comma. (Same advice for other similar sentences.)
'The midnight hour -leaves- us wanting for things'
"Her pretty hazel eyes besieged me and she whispered." Again, use a comma here.
“Love divine had turn dirty. The pledge of love seem like the prayers of a fool.
had -turned- dirty, pledge of love -seemed- like the prayers...
I brought her near and I kissed her forehead and caressed her flowing auburn hair and I whispered.
Here, 'I brought her near, kissed her forehead, caressed her auburn hair and whispered' flows better. (If we keep your structure the same) though I would advice, 'I brought her near and caressing her auburn hair, I kissed her forehead and whispered,' though it can be changed up in quite a number of ways. The only issue is the flow using commas and 'and's'.
“Time will make past love become distance love." Is distance love referring to actual road distance or distance of time? if, and I am assuming it means the distance in time, the correct word to use would be 'distant' ..become distant love...
"Hiding silence tears" -Silent tears-
"I hold her like -a- child and I'm whispering lullabies of places and things she wanted to do." Now, here when you say 'of places and things' and end with 'wanted to do' it fails to make sense because one does not 'DO' places. It would be better to say, "of places she wanted to see and things she wanted to do."
"She gave me a smile and she whispered." Again, use a comma, not a period.
I really enjoyed reading it and picturing two heart broken individuals who have settled for each other's company instead. Powerful piece. Keep it up.
Cheers.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you for the help. I do appreciate. I will edit tonight. I do need a good editor.
Awe doll..
Her sovereign eyes were asking me to stay and go in the same glance.”
Hurts so bad she cant stand a savior through love and making love...had to read this several times first lovely word to last..rephrase..needed..no..wanted and did.
There is a fractal pattern here of the language used..as if getting sleepier..and cant formulate speech the same as it started..though the sentiment and heart remained..loved that..i think it was intentional..whatever the reason it worked beautifully for you..
Tomorrows thoughts can be of foolish thoughts that this is love...tonight lullabies and ease of soothe..she gives genuine smile and thought..yes i can hear her sigh and the sudden ease into your hold...now she can begin.
Read another comment..do they go? Not at all what matters..missed the heart of this woman. She might delight in the adventure..what she needs tonight is that smile.
Gorgeous ink.
By the by..have met these artists..love them and the
cover..maybe better than the orinal. (i duck sorry R)
Love and admiration
Jennifer
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
9 Years Ago
You have met the band, the Coors. They look like fun people to hang with. I like their music. Them.. read moreYou have met the band, the Coors. They look like fun people to hang with. I like their music. Them, Harvey, Nick Graves and Leonard Cohen. My muses for poetry. Thank you for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.
Foundation for a good story is expanded... did they go on the adventure... if not, why not?
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
They did. Big Sur, San Francisco and highway one. A road trip make the mind forget the problems of l.. read moreThey did. Big Sur, San Francisco and highway one. A road trip make the mind forget the problems of life. Thank you for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.
Oh gosh! i think i have mentioned about my sensitivity in my profile and recently i was ditched by a guy after a 4 years of relationship and after reading your lines i got that he will be back. you've written so well that 'just WORDS' can't really explain your presentation.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Sometime we don't want to repeat mistakes. Lost love teaches us. To appreciate the true love. True l.. read moreSometime we don't want to repeat mistakes. Lost love teaches us. To appreciate the true love. True love is when someone lived and died for you. It will come. Just need patience and always be careful. Thank you Princess J. for reading and the comment.
9 Years Ago
oh its ok and thank u again as u made me understood something which I really needed (Y)
As a fellow romantic soil, I found this on to be incredibly sad and full of regret. Why wouldn't the two characters in this piece desire the best in and for each other? And if 'they' weren't meant to be together, why settle for 'less than'?
Maybe I read it wrong, or maybe I'm still reeling from a recent betrayal and my perception is a tad off key, but in my never to be humble opinion, what kind of love simply settles?
Curious, out here in the deep blue Pacific....
Alisa💫
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Somethings cannot be. You can save someone and sometimes you are not the savior. When I was station .. read moreSomethings cannot be. You can save someone and sometimes you are not the savior. When I was station at Monterey for three years in 1992-1994. After my two brothers suicide. I learn to listen and pay attention. The ocean can bring peace and sometimes we need a friend, new location and some laughter. Thank you Alisa for reading and the comment.
I agree. Sometimes things aren't meant to be regardless of the .. read moreYou're very welcome.
I agree. Sometimes things aren't meant to be regardless of the hearts intent. And sometimes...life has different plans....this I speak from persona experience.
In no way did I mean to demean the beauty of your piece....I merely raised questions, that's all...
Wishing. You well.
Alisa😃
9 Years Ago
I didn't mine the question. Life is a constant teacher.
"Sometimes we must accept pretty lies and lull in new lullabies of hope.”This really sticks in my mind. Wanting or longing for things that cannot be is so very painful. I really enjoyed reading. Gentle tone. Nicely written
Lovely voice she has and your voice in this piece is equally beautiful. You have captured the feeling remarkably well. Your words beautifully composed..great ending..
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
The Corrs are a legend in England. Thank you Ladysue for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.
A Poet and writer who love to read and write.
My pleasure is reading about the bad and good in a life.
Also to honor the Poets/Writers of the past by reading their words.
Remember .. more..