Jennifer

Just words. I found the poem in a 25 year old journal. Had to re-written.

  Jennifer

I called my Jennifer from the pay-phone in downtown Monterey in early Spring 1992.  She had been haunting my memories and I needed to hear her voice.

She came here last January from Michigan. We walked the city of Monterey, drank Irish coffee and we held hands like forever lovers. She pretended we had hope and chance. I knew from her sad eyes, when the plane left the ground for her home. I was alone.

Jennifer answered with a surprise. I told her. I needed our last words to be good words. I didn't want a empty-ending without a proper goodbye. She was my world for 5 years and love bleed to no ending when the doors were never closed.


She held silence and she answered. "Dear Johnnie. You want the world. I'm with a child and I'm not free to roam and discover the wild world. I was a dead weight for you. My screw-up life would of dragged you down with me."

I told her. You would never be a burden for me. I will give you the world if I could, but I'm okay dear Jenny. In Monterey I'm coming alive gain. I suicide the big storms of Winter, almost was killed. I have been free-climbing the western coast. Testing my limits. Everything I do. I wish you were with me.

Jenny voice became sad. I knew she had to say goodbye and she told me. "I'm glad you are reaching your dreams. You were locked-up here in Michigan. Now you know the taste of freedom. Please live for me too."

I told her. Jennifer, please come to Monterey. Come walk with me on the pier of Monterey, let's find the place of love again.  Let's sing and dance on the bay and find new hope and joy. We can rebirth old dreams and create new ones. Please come to me and become like children with love, walk barefooted on the sand and built sand castles together. Let's drink sweet wine and find our laughter again. You can find your hunger to love and laugh again with me in Monterey. We can sit with your daughter Tiffany and watch the sun fall into the sea nightly.

Jenny laughed at my words and she told me. "Johnnie, you are too sweet and forgiving. I loved you once. Was a young heart who was protected by you. Today. I'm bury in things I can't control. I can't come to Monterey dear Johnnie. I have traveled too far to know peace."

I whispered. Monterey is so beautiful and alive. Please come to Monterey and I can help you. I need to see you one more time. I need to see your face and to hear your words. Today you have fear and maybe you can learn to know happiness and joy again.

Jenny told me. "I can't come to Monterey. You have found the proper way to live. I have accepted my self-made prison. We held love once Johnnie. Love cost plenty and I don't have anything left. I love your memory and kindness. It is time for you to leave me behind. Please enjoy Monterey for me and don't kill yourself. I love you Johnnie and good bye.

I sat by the Seaside beach. I watched the sea dance with the rise of the midnight moon. I said a silence prayer. Please lord take care of Jenny and Tiffany.
                              John Castellenas/Coyote

Author's Note

Some sadness can stay with you forever.

Reviews

[Clara]

John, this is heartbreaking and my heart breaks to read that this is something you've gone through. You describe the experience in such detail... your thoughts, your feelings, the moment.

Some sadness does stay with us forever, and I think it is because we've lost a part of our heart when we gave it to them.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right but does become less with time and distance. Thank you Lara for reading and the comment.

[Clara]

You're welcome! :)

[Erik T. Jackson]

Damn bro. that poem got me misty-eyed over here... I don't know what I was expecting, but that sure wasn't it. It had me hanging onto every word, thinking about a love that I have lost from the past. Great job...

[Coyote Poetry]

Those old love can take us to old wishes. Thank you Erik for reading and the comment.

[Zahra]

Beautifully described and touching. "Some sadness can stay with you forever." very true.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Zahra. I agree. Some memories are permanent tattoos.

[Celie Rose]

Your writing is beautiful. I felt as if I were there. I could see the scenery. I could feel the emotion. You have touched my mind as a writer should. Thank you so much.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Celie Rose. I appreciate the comment. I believe love never attempted become the wishes of old men and women.

[Teresa Elde]

This story carries a lot of power in it's words. I expected it to be much longer but was pleasantly surprised, a perfect example of how the word count doesn't define the power of a story. Well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Teresa. I appreciate the comment.

[Connie]

some people stay in our hearts for always. thank you for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right Connie and thank you for reading.

[AaronFreitas]

This is deep and beautiful. It tells the story of a deep love, one you weren't ready to just give up on. Sometimes we try our best but still strike out and it's out of our control. I loved it John... awesome write!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Aaron for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[Valentine]

For some people, they think of the one that got away...more often that the one that stayed with them. Guess that is the nature of the beast. Valentine

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. Some people are keepers and some people are runners. Jenny was a runner. Thank you my friend for reading and the comment.

[Stan Lee]

Wonderful piece of writing as always. Very moving. I have one suggestion. Change the second last sentence to "I said a silent prayer." Makes grammatical sense then (said the hypocrite) :) Thanks for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

I appreciate the help and the comment. Thank you.

[H. R. Dwyer]

I watched the sea dance with the rise of the midnight moon - I like this.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the comment. The Pacific ocean is a perfect place to gain your mind back.