Alone in the darkness

Some people lose their way and can't find real peace.

                                Alone in the darkness

The chronicle of life are stages. We can act many parts. We can be soldiers, lover, abusers and takers.

Sweet Peggy called me and requested me to come to her home. She was alone and scared. In the many years of knowing her. I watched her grow from a carefree young woman to a drinking and  desperate woman who confused lust with love.

Once we danced like free and content children. The world was ours to take. We were fearless and unbounded by the the challenges of our world. Today Peggy sat with booze and small dreams. She lost her great dreams upon the confusion of wrong turns and wanting too much.

She tried to blame everyone around her. I saw in her eyes. She knew she was to blame for where she landed. Lonely and in destitute place.  Alone in the dark she called my name. I went to her. I held her and told her. She would be okay. She  smiled and told me. "It is okay Johnnie. I have learn to accept less. Love is for the lucky. Sometime we must accept who we are."

I tried to revive her laughter. I told her love will come when it suppose to. Perhaps some people never had the ability to love and hold on forever. Maybe our greed was stronger than our heart. Peggy told me. "All I got is the desire between my legs. I need to be needed for a time. To feel I'm more than flesh and bones waiting to die and be forgotten."

I held sweet Peggy. Her sad eyes asked me. Was she truly alive or was she just another woman to add to my resume. I spend one week with her and we danced, laughed and I tried to bring her back. Her last words to me were. "Thank you Johnnie, you still try to love me still. You want me to know joy and happiness. Please be my friend. I need you more than you know. You make me feel alive."

I left her to go to California. We held to  love on the thread of kind words and too much distance.  I lost her between war and travel. I wonder did Peggy find her way? I did learn. Love will come. Took me 37 years to know true love.

          Coyote/John Castellenas

Author's Note

A old poem with a re-write.

Reviews

[Ladysue]

John, your story has a blend of melancholy and hope. though sad and confused she was, we don't know how it turned out for her, but you left a mark of hope and aliveness that touched her in some way that is memorable. I love how you said..'I did learn. Love will come.' and to finally know true love is priceless..

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Ladysue. I'm digging into old journals of poetry. Funny how some people leave their mark upon us.

[Caradoc]

I feel like Peggy right now...

[Coyote Poetry]

I fell into depression after my two brother killed themselves. Took me two years to come alive. The pen and paper was my savior. I re-started my life. One morning. I took what I could carry and went 3000 mile away and learn. Can't allow the past to kill off your hope. I hope you are feeling better. I changed my life completely four times. Change is necessary. We can't heal if we are swimming in the same mess.

[Caradoc]

You have many words of wisdom to offer the world. Don't ever stop sharing them. They are the bridges and ladders that help those that come after find an easier path through life.

Thank you.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Traci]

John, this is a bittersweet portrayal of love. Oftentimes one gets lost, and only their mark is left upon us when the relationship ends. Memories that last a lifetime. Wonderful re-write, thank you for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for reading and the kind words. It is always hard when you can't help someone. Peggy taught me. You must want help to find the light of hope again.

[Cryingkate]

I am learning, I might be slow at it but I am finally getting it.
We cannot wipe every tear from someones eyes.
Everyone has to walk their own journey to find their home and place of love and light.
When we try to fix everything all the time, we are only meddling and taking needless burdens on ourselves and taking the lessons from someone else to grow.
There is a time and place for helping.
I think your heart knew you did all you could and sorrowfully had to move on.
You Knew... Sometimes we take our own sorrows or pains and we feel like we have to help all those with same heart and if we don't we might feel regret.
But it isn't so.. If it was then how many broken , lonely hearts could we surrender our own life to?
What value can we be so split into so many pieces? We can't.
We have to accept that Divine will has all things planned and everyone gets the same measure in the end.
Who Sustains the moon and stars? Who holds them in place? The same great master, creator that can surely takes care of us whom takes care of the tiny sparrow.
the same who leads the Geese home yr after yr.
It's all in his plan.
When we can do each day, what we can do for someone, then we have done our part. Then nothing more can be done. You went to Peggy when she asked you to, You brought to Peggy a ray of light thru friendship, You Brought her that piece of Love, It was up to her after that to climb up or stay where she was, But at least she had that piece of love to hold onto as she stayed in her darkness , if that's what she did.
That is her journey, If you would of stayed she would of probably only learned to lean on you and never really grow from the inside out.
Well that's my thoughts. :-)

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe you are right. I believe we must decide if we want to be happy or sad. Peggy got lost and sometimes no-one can help you till you decide you want help. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Ren Grace]

I loved this poem because of the short story feel to it and the sentences touched my mind and heart, good read.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Lauren. I appreciate you reading and leaving a comment.