I hope I make it till the Spring.

A old poem. I learn I wasn't important. I learn to be kind to friends and family. Silence is better then speaking negative words.

                       I hope I make it till the Spring.

I hope I make it till the Spring.
The Spring is when the world comes alive.
When the Winter days fade away to memories and
warm days heat up the hearts and dreams.

Yesterday the cold of Winter was for us to hold on tighter,
to keep each other warm, but somehow life had become a
search for a reason to be.

I looked to the past, but I don't feel hope.
I saw the many mistakes made.
I can see the many beautiful moment too,
I feel they haunt me more than the bad.

I remember when life was easy.
All dreams in reach.
Today I feel that my life has become a useless journey.
Just aiming at useless dreams, not needing affection.
Like love creates more pain than sweetness.

Where do you look to bring laughter where there is only sadness?
Where do you find smiles when life becomes only a journey toward death?

Am I a coward?
Because I fear tomorrow.
Am I the cause of my own pain?

I feel I have chosen my journey.
For I have touched the pinnacle of love,
reached power and money but I was never complete.
I never found happiness.

Maybe I chose the wrong direction.
I wish to be born anew.

I know only I can open the door to love and forgiveness.
I must find new dreams and hope.

Where do I begin?
I seen to fall on the same path. Money and work.
I don't need friendship and I don't even need the gentleness
of a woman touch.

Am I pass the road to know happiness?
Can I find the thirst to be happy?
Is it too late to learn to love?
I don't know if i have any desire left.

In the Spring.
Maybe I will feel strong again.
Feel the energy of hope.
Maybe the warm days of Spring will rebirth the desire
to love and know laughter again.

In the Spring.
I will find hope again.

                     Coyote
                  John Castellenas

Author's Note

I lost two brother's to suicide. I wrote this poem after my second brother's funeral in 1988. I learn to the kind voice in a life. People need a kind word and a place to feel safe. Thank you for reading. I found the poem in a old journey locked away.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

"but somehow life had become a search for a reason to be" just wow.... this is by far one of the best of your writes i have ever had the pleasure to have read. spring is a time of renewal, as you so wordfully point out, but we , being human and having faults, aren't always ready or willing for that renewal. John, this is a beautiful piece of prose, definitely one for my faves. well done , sir poet!

[Anna]

This is a beautiful, amazing poem. I'm sorry about your loss, but I admire your courage. You have an amazing talent!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Coyote, I enjoy reading your work because you always pen the contents of your heart into each line.