I hope I make it till the Spring.

A old poem. I learn I wasn't important. I learn to be kind to friends and family. Silence is better then speaking negative words.

                       I hope I make it till the Spring.

I hope I make it till the Spring.
The Spring is when the world comes alive.
When the Winter days fade away to memories and
warm days heat up the hearts and dreams.

Yesterday the cold of Winter was for us to hold on tighter,
to keep each other warm, but somehow life had become a
search for a reason to be.

I looked to the past, but I don't feel hope.
I saw the many mistakes made.
I can see the many beautiful moment too,
I feel they haunt me more than the bad.

I remember when life was easy.
All dreams in reach.
Today I feel that my life has become a useless journey.
Just aiming at useless dreams, not needing affection.
Like love creates more pain than sweetness.

Where do you look to bring laughter where there is only sadness?
Where do you find smiles when life becomes only a journey toward death?

Am I a coward?
Because I fear tomorrow.
Am I the cause of my own pain?

I feel I have chosen my journey.
For I have touched the pinnacle of love,
reached power and money but I was never complete.
I never found happiness.

Maybe I chose the wrong direction.
I wish to be born anew.

I know only I can open the door to love and forgiveness.
I must find new dreams and hope.

Where do I begin?
I seen to fall on the same path. Money and work.
I don't need friendship and I don't even need the gentleness
of a woman touch.

Am I pass the road to know happiness?
Can I find the thirst to be happy?
Is it too late to learn to love?
I don't know if i have any desire left.

In the Spring.
Maybe I will feel strong again.
Feel the energy of hope.
Maybe the warm days of Spring will rebirth the desire
to love and know laughter again.

In the Spring.
I will find hope again.

                     Coyote
                  John Castellenas

Author's Note

I lost two brother's to suicide. I wrote this poem after my second brother's funeral in 1988. I learn to the kind voice in a life. People need a kind word and a place to feel safe. Thank you for reading. I found the poem in a old journey locked away.

Reviews

[quinfinn]

"but somehow life had become a search for a reason to be" just wow.... this is by far one of the best of your writes i have ever had the pleasure to have read. spring is a time of renewal, as you so wordfully point out, but we , being human and having faults, aren't always ready or willing for that renewal. John, this is a beautiful piece of prose, definitely one for my faves. well done , sir poet!

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

wow! there were so many thought provoking questions here.

i enjoyed this poem of yours

[The Analog Kid]

Lots of questions, brother Coyote. Sometimes time to change. Great write as always.

[David Scott]

The poem feels like what some call a "mid life crises". I think those of us who live in constant reflection have this many times in our lives. Beginning at our youth and maybe never finding eternal spring!
I loved the concept and the write was an easy flowing read. A few spelling and grammar slips to correct, but easy little fixes that did not mess things up for the read.

[Coyote Poetry]

Wasn't a mid life crisis. Was a wake-up call to change my ways. I did. I made time for family and some fun. I learn money was okay. Better enjoy life too. Thank you for the comment.

[Distant horizons]

I feel these words so profoundly. In loss, we lose more than just the bereaved. We lose the aim our life was taking and the reason for it. This is a beautiful work. Although hope is out of sight, you end with the hope of seeing it once more, so it is not lost. I truly do hope you find your way onto the path that is right for you. Excellent, thought provoking words.

[Enid Blake]

This poem is just filled with emotion and I love the wisdom of your musings. So many different paths we must walk in our lives, but I enjoyed the optimism you offer a glimpse of in the final lines.
An inspiring read Coyote :)

[Tomi]

wow, this is truly deep and very sad. Ironically the pursuit of happiness is a sorrowful one. I know it's been a while but my heartfelt condolence for your loss. This is a very emotional and Amazing poem. 1988 is a long time ago; this is a testament to the longetivity of Art and the heart. Thank you

[SarahV]

This poem is oozing with emotion it's great! I especially love these two stanzas:
Where do you look to bring laughter where there is only sadness?
Where do you find smiles when life becomes only a journey toward death?

Am I a coward?
Because I fear tomorrow.
Am I the cause of my own pain?

- Beautiful words! Anyway keep up the good work!

[kingblaq]

Wow! This piece actually made me think clearer than I've in a loooong time.
"Am I a coward?"
This is a blessed poem. One of the best I've read this year.
Bless you for sharing this piece.
...
P.S. I'm sorry for loss man

[мalғy]

This poem is such a eye opener and it was a great thing to do express yourself and your feelings, and it is sometime shard for people to achieve that in what they write and I give so much appreciation is this piece, Great job keep on writing

[stephen dillon]

good work just watch for the spelling errors but all around a nice read