The Question

Hours Earlier!

Amanda Grace was no ordinary human being.  She was special, magical, everything Alexander ever dreamed of in a wife; and when he proposed, she just sat there looking at him, mouth agape.  Then she said no; nothing before, nothing after, just no.  He didn't wait for an explanation.  Their was nothing left to say.  Alexander didn't know how to handle it, handle her.  So he walked away, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get her off his mind.  

It was dark and raining outside.  Alexander sat in his office, staring over at the ring on his desk.  He didn't really know how long he had been sitting there, but he knew it had to been a while; because he was hungry.  It seemed like all of a sudden his life meant nothing and truly it wasn't anything without her in it.  Alexander felt a part of himself leave when she whispered the word he had feared of hearing when he knelt down and popped the question that would change both of their lives.  He was about to get up and make his way to bed when a knock at the door sounded, five pounds.  He figured he would just turn in for the night, thinking that whoever it was would go away.  A couple of seconds later the door bell rang and five more pounds.  The knocker was persistent.  Alexander lifted himself up from the bed and dragged his feet to the front door.  Not thinking to look through the peephole, he swung it open.  For the first time he felt the air fill his lungs.  Had he thought to look through the peephole he might have just left her standing there...who was he kidding, he loved this woman and he would try to fix what had been broken.  

"I'm sorry...I couldn't...I didn't mean it like that..." Amanda gasped, the tears streaming down her face.

Alexander let her in and shut the door, locking it.  It was New York after all.

"Amanda if you don't feel the same way, I understand.  Actually, no, I don't understand.  I...I thought everything was going well.  I love you and I thought you loved me back.  I really thought you loved me, but when you said no in the restaurant for everyone to see...I just... lost all hope..."

"Yes."

"Yes? Yes what?" Alexandra asked in drunk confusion.

"Yes, I'll marry you, you fool." The smile she had stomped on when he left lit up the room.  The sparkle in his eyes was clearly noticeable and for the first time Amanda Grace realized how much she had hurt him.  She took his hand in hers and led them to the bedroom.  

"Lets get some sleep; we can continue this conversation in the morning.  You look like you haven't slept in weeks."

"I'm not tired."  He mumbled, curled up in the covers, already half asleep.  

"Hush now, close your eyes, sleep."  With that his eyes drifted shut.

Amanda watched his chest rise and fall.  She really did love this man and she felt guilty and ashamed that she ever made him feel otherwise.  

"I love you Alex.  I don't know how you put up with me."  She kissed his cheek and cuddled in next to him, falling into a peaceful slumber.  

In many ways their lives were only just beginning.  Sleep had never come easier, for either of them.

Sure they would have their ups and downs and they would fight, doesn't every couple.  Right now, at this moment though, neither one could be happier, cuddled in next to each other.

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

Great story!! Telling such a story in the way you have takes some know-how on how to construct it to not be a bore, not add too much, and not take away from how the reader will connect to it. I'm not used to reading stories because they take a long time to read and comment on a site where I'm used to poetry!! lol

The "hours earlier" was priceless. Don't lose that in any edit you do. The first paragraph starts off with Alex's name and it feels it is about to chain all these "he's" together and it doesn't!! These things are not easily discovered if you have not had someone read this of look it over with an unbiased view on it.

The fourth "section/paragraph" got me confused as to who was saying what because the quotes are off a bit, and the dialogue goes back and forth without breaks in it. So, rearranging that would make sense. You are, certainly, a beautiful girl to read. A part of me wishes that I got to hear you read this TO me in a video or voice of yours. : ) Such a wonderful and sweet story to share...

For a story that has 629 words in it, no words sound repetitive or lost its traction in the building of the story. Maybe, a little history on the two involved so we feel empathetic to their feelings more, and you have done so in a small way with the "how you look when stressed" look that she points out, where it looks to be that he hasn't slept in weeks. lol

Another part in your story:

"Alexander sat in his office, staring over at the ring on his desk. He didn't really know how long he had been sitting there, but he knew it had to been a while; because he was hungry. It seemed like all of a sudden his life meant nothing and truly it wasn't anything without her in it. Alexander felt a part of himself leave when she whispered the word he had feared of hearing when he knelt down and popped the question that would change both of their lives. He was about to get up and make his way to bed when a knock at the door sounded, five pounds."


....How did he get home and approach his bed?! He was in his office and I was thinking that he had a pull out sofa in his office to rest, but what followed didn't allow for that to be so. : )


There are 32 commas in the story, but about 5 are in the wrong place and matter little, but there are about 5 that HAVE to be there. In time, if they are noticed, I'd say go for it and play around with your story first, if you decide to, and go from there.


Beautiful, Cassandra.... xoxo -Your Mark