Devil in a Pink Dress

I tried to reach my inner hatred. I don't think I reached it. Something else needs to inspire me to create something full of anger.

Whats wrong with you?
Look what you did!
In a matter of seconds everything I had
You destroyed

It seems that anything can go
Smashed into tiny pieces
In no more than a few seconds
That's not what I ask now

It's what kind of person can do it?
A heartless creature from hell, That's who
That creature seems to be
Prowling down the street to it's next victim

A horrid pink dress covers her disgusting body
I see red horns coming out of her head
A spike tail swishing between her legs
Heels taping down the road

Lies, Hatred, Rage
My eyes look down at what she has done
My heart torn out of me in pieces on the ground
The parts won't fit together in the same way before

Blood courses through my veins
Hot and steaming with revenge
I scream and her to turn around
I let my actions speak for me

The evil in a girls body is finished
She won't cause pain anymore
My deed is done, my duty is fulfilled
No one would've stopped me anyways

Author's Note

Goodness, I need help badly on how to fix this poem.

Reviews

[Mike]

I think you should use a little bit more actions shes caused such as stealing a guy breaking your feelings or a friend turned foe somewhere along those lines i personnally like the poem just needs a little bit more description but overall this i think is a more unexlpored theme so go and pioneer :)

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for the helpful suggestions! I'll get on it. I know it's been a long time but maybe since it's been so long I'll be better at it.

[Coyote Poetry]

Need to expand the poem. Explain her evil and how she was done in. For a short poem. You made your point loud and clear. The poem had great possibilities for a short story. A interesting poem.
Coyote

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for your helpful feedback!!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Destiny Crawford]

I like the mystery in this one. This poem lets your mind decide what the girl destoyed. That is a very unique way to catch a readers attention.

I really didnt think that this poem needed a lot of fixing. Just a few touch-ups. Just try to keep the anger consistant through the entire poem. At times I felt like you relaxed a bit in your words. But it was only slight.

I also liked how you described the girl in the poem. You described her as a devil with horns and a tail. But what you left out is; whether she is an actual devil or not. But that also lets you use your imagination and decide for yourself is she is or not.

Overall, really nice poem. :)

~Destiny

[Heromen Selena]

Oh some people didn't like how I left things for the imagination to figure out. I'm glad you like it :) I guess I'll have to decide for myself if I want to change it or not. Thank you for your thoughts and helpful feedback :)

[Shy Girl]

Not sure that you need more anger...just a more focused direct line to that emotion. There are breaks in the focus much like taking a breath to calm down and then start again...(at least that's what I see and hear when I read it) I personally loved the piece...

"Never underestimate the power of self-hatred". That's another one of my fav lines in a book I love to read. It just comes out in degrees...low to high. :)

[Heromen Selena]

Okay thank you for pointing that out to me! I'll try to fix it.

[Starcaller]

I think it is a good poem. It reminds me of those movies with the popular girl being that huge jerk everyone fears and hates. Not sure if that is what you where aiming for but it is a really great poem XD

[Heromen Selena]

Kind of! Thank you for your thoughts :)

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

It's really not that bad. In fact, it sounds almost like it's about my stepmother. I love the anger you expressed here, the rage speaks to me. I especially love the first three stanzas!!!! If you haven't reached your inner anger here, I don't know how you could express it!!! Lovely!!!!

[Heromen Selena]

Oh I'm sorry your stepmother is like that :/ Thank you for your review!

[Elizabeth Porterfield]

Lol:) she just doesn't know how to deal with her pain like a normal human being. Its ok bc I won't let her hurt me anymore:) and you're welcome

[Shay]

i can feel the anger in this poem, u did a great job and the title fits perfectly

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you :) I suck at picking a title so I'm glad this one worked out alright!

[luna11]

Woah! I feel your anger. This poem expresses your hatred very well. It's full of angry feelings for this devil girl in her pink dress.
I know what it's like to loathe someone like this. I can tell this girl is full of everything you hate. It's really hard to explain your hatred and anger for someone in a poem, but from the first line this poem screams how you're feeling to me.
xx

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you so much! :)

[~Lizzy♬]

I think you did an excellent job finding the inner hatred. Well done!! :)

~Lizzy~

[Heromen Selena]

Thank you for your support! :)

[quarintine_deathangel]

You reached the hatred pretty well from what I've read. Nice way to let out the problems though, I know someone like that people are dealing with in my life, they absolutely hate the person and can't find anything on them to prove it, I'd say lead them into their idea of perfection then trap them and give one good beating to the person. Apparently they deserve it. Enjoy the advice XDD

[Heromen Selena]

Haha thank you :) Time to formulate my battle plan!

[Alex Vidmar]

I think this is pretty damn good just the way it is. Keep me posted on any updates and new works though. I love your writing.

~Alex

[Heromen Selena]

Oh thank you! I appreciate your interest