Chapter 8A Chapter by Casey Francis"Get away from me." I pushed him away, but could barely muster the strength to move him even an inch. He stood up and took a step away from my bed with his hands up. "Okay. okay," he did as I said, making sure not to upset me any more than I already was. "Explain." My voice was cold and hard. It made Marcus flinch with hurt. "Okay. I know what you saw and I know what it looked like. It wasn't that at all. I mean yes, she kissed me, but it was purely onesided. I didn't want that. I didn't want to hurt you. I went inside to make sure Jen didn't leave anything and then Marcia popped up out of nowhere and said Jen left something in the restroom. She told me to follow her and then she pulled me into the bathroom and closed the door and kissed me right before you walked in." He took several deep breaths waiting for me to respond. I wanted to forgive him. I knew my heart did the second I saw him, but I didn't want to give into him that easily. I wanted him back. I wanted him to hug me and kiss me and make me forget it ever happened. I wanted him to show me that he cared. "It's okay, Marcus." My voice had lost all feeling. I went numb. My heart ached in my chest. "I just need some time. I can't go right back to the way it was. I need to think and to let it sink in. Promise you'll give me time?" "I understand. I promise. I am so sorry, Alex. I really am." He made his way back to my bedside as he spoke. He sat down next to me and rested his hand on my cheek. My heart did backflips when he touched me, but I needed to keep a straight face. "I still have a lot of questions about you and everything, but that'll have to wait. For now, I won't ask questions or anything. We need to just stay friends for now, okay?" The hurt in his eyes ripped a giant hole in my chest. "Okay." He gave me a sad smile and kissed me on my forehead before standing up. He walked over to my closet and opened the door. As he walked in, he turned around, "I'll be here whenever you need me. Just say my name and I will be there before you can blink. I mean for anything, okay?" "Okay." The tears started to flow quietly again as I watched him close the door. As soon as the door closed I jumped off my bed and ran to my closet door and threw it open. Marcus wasn't in there. I fell to my knees and cried. I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted him, but I needed to build myself back up. I couldn't continue to be vulnerable like I was. After a long while of tears had passed and my eyes swelled from sadness I stood up and walked over to my bed. I was exhausted. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about the things he said. I didn't want to think about him. I didn't want to feel. sleep was my only saving grace at this point. I fell onto my bed and closed my eyes. Sleep didn't come for me as I had hoped, though. I just laid in bed and thought bout everything that I didn't want to think about. Every time I closed my eyes, Marcus' face would pop up and remind me of everything I felt that night when we kissed. I wanted to call out Marcus' name just to see him again. I knew I couldn't do that. It would only make things more difficult that they already were. Once I thought of calling him it never left my mind. I thought about it over and over again until I made myself mad for wanting to see him after how he made me feel. I didn't even know how felt. That's what upset me more than anything. I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted to be in Marcus' arms, but I also wanted to yell at him and tell him I never wanted to see him again. Even if it wasn't his fault, I was still mad for feeling the way I do about him. It infuriated me. I swore I would never let some boy get to me the way he has. I don't know how long it was before I fell asleep. When I finally did, I dreamed of Marcus. I dreamed of that night. I dreamed of our kiss, the way it felt, the way he looked at me. When I dreamed of that night my heart didn't ache. I was happy. It felt so right being with him. I woke with dried tears on my cheeks. I knew what I wanted. I wanted him. I wanted to be with Marcus. I just didn't know if I was ready for a relationship. I didn't even know how they worked. I've never been in love or even had a crush. I've always focused on my studies. Now, it didn't pay off in my favor. I needed to get my priorities straightened out. I needed to figure myself out. I got dressed for school and told myself I was going to be okay. That everything would work out and Marcus and I could be happy. I just hoped we could be happy together. I wanted to be with him. I just needed to pace myself. I couldn't run into this completely blind. I had questions I needed answers to. Once I got my answers I could go from there. I needed to take one step at a time. © 2014 Casey Francis |
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Added on March 5, 2014 Last Updated on March 5, 2014 AuthorCasey FrancisSapulpa, OKAboutI'm seventeen. My full name is Cassandra Lynne Francis. I'm really open and sort of awkward, but isn't everyone? I love writing. It's always been a passion of mine. I hope everyone enjoys my work! more..Writing
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