Chapter 7

I woke up with my dress still on. My eyes were swollen and dried mascara had stained my cheeks. I walked to the closet. I reached for the handle then stopped. I was in no mood to think about Marcus, let alone see him. I couldn't understand how he could do such a thing to me after we had just shared something that I thought was really special.

I pondered more on it and thought maybe it wasn't as special to him as it was to me. He had been with many women in his life and I was just another to add to the list. The thought made my heart physically ache. I stopped trying to wrap my head around it and ripped the closet door open. Marcus was nowhere to be found.

My heart nearly burst with the pain surging through it. I wanted him to be here. I wanted him to explain what really happened. Another part of me was glad he wasn't there. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing him right now. I was too hurt to even see him, but it seemed that all I could was think about him.

My classes were a blur. Lessons didn't stick with me as usual so I didn't understand the assignments. Jen spoke to me about her regular gossip, but my mind was too foggy and my heart was too numb for me to be even remotely interested in anything that happened during the day.

"Alex?" Jen's voice came through the fog that filled my ears and mind.

"Huh?" I hadn't been listening at all, just focusing on the throb that pained my chest.

"I've been saying your name for five minutes and you haven't responded to anything I've said at all through lunch! What is wrong with you today?" Her voice rang in my ears.

"Nothing, I just have a lot on my mind. Don't worry." My own voice sounded foreign to me. The lie tasted foul on my tongue.

"Hey, Jen!" The one voice I knew would throw me over a cliff suddenly rang out. ''Alex." Marcia's voice changed as she muttered my name, only acknowledging me for Jen's sake.

I didn't say a word for the rest of lunch. I sat in silence until I couldn't listen to her voice anymore. I stood up abruptly and threw away my food and stormed out of the lunch room with Jen's and Marcia's eyes burning into my back. I walked into the girl's bathroom and went to the sink. My eyes wouldn't cry. My chest didn't hurt with pain; it burned with a rage I couldn't put a lid on. The anger boiled up into my throat. The fury tasted tempting to lash out and release my anger.

I just gripped the sink and breathed slowly. I turned on the sink and splashed water on my hardened face. I walked out of the restroom and walked to my locker as the bell rang, signifying the end of lunch. I grabbed my books and headed to class. I sat in my desk and opened my binder.

A note was in the very front of my binder with my name neatly written on the front. I picked up the letter, debating whether or not to read it. Making up my mind I slid it into my pocket and prepared myself for the lesson I wasn't going to be able to focus on.

The day's end couldn't come soon enough. When it finally did, I nearly ran down the halls and out the doors straight home. The feeling I got at lunch hadn't subsided at all. It only grew as I thought more about that night. I wanted to hate him. I already hated her. I wasn't able to convince myself that I hated Marcus, though, no matter how hard I tried.

I finally reached my house and walked up the driveway and through the door. I climbed the stairs up to my room and threw my bag in the floor and flopped my body onto my bed. I wanted to cry. I needed to cry, but the tears and angry sobs wouldn't come. I just laid in bed in silence until I remembered the note.

I rolled onto my back and dug in my pocket for the paper. I pulled it out not knowing what to expect or who it was from. I knew who I wanted it to be from, but I knew that wouldn't make things easier on me. I closed my eyes and let out a long breath.  I opened my eyes as I slowly opened the note.

"Alex,

I know that what you saw looked bad. I know that explaining what happened in a note is very cowardly to you. I don't want you to think lowly of me, even though I'm sure you do after the party. All I can say is that I know you felt something special between us that night and I promise I did, too. I still do.

Please give me a chance to explain. In person. I want to show you that I care about you. There are so many things I want to tell you all at once in this note, but I would prefer to do it in person. I hope you'll let me explain. I understand if you don't ever want to see me again, but please, if that is the case, tell me in person after I explain everything; everything about that night and about me and anything else you want to know.I know you have questions and I also know you are very hurt.

I am sorry, but please, let me apologize in person. If you want, after I apologize and explain, you won't have to see me ever again. Just let me explain. Please.

Marcus"

My tears felt warm on my cheeks. The sobs that wouldn't come out earlier all came out in a blubbering cry. I wanted him to explain. He was right, I had so many questions, but I don't know what it would do to me if I saw him right now.

I finally just shouted into my pillow. I continued to sob into my now soaked pillow as I felt my bed shift under someone's weight. They began to stroke my hair and coo me to attempt to get me to calm down. I looked to the side to see Marcus sitting on my bed with a sad smile on his face as he wiped a tear off my cheek.