6 Years Ago

Something I wrote late one night. While in another episode. !!!TW self harm!!!

If I could meet my younger self from 6 years ago, 

from when my family and I moved from the only home I've ever known (Houston) to a different town I wasn't too familiar with (Seguin) the place I still refuse to call home,

yea hateful I know... 

I would ask her "doesn't it burn" or 'why do we do this to ourselves"

"doesn't it hurt sitting here in the after-school program taking those pink detailed scissors that you colored in with expo markers and sharpies to your wrists in front of everyone?"

 "What ever happened to that I don't care what people think attitude the confidence we had? I need it now and its nowhere to be seen" 

I would take her hands in my own as tears flow down my cheeks I wouldn't say anything then I would pull her into a hug and apologize for everything and tell her its not her fault,

now she wouldn't know what I am talking about so she would be confused,

 I would turn to her after I let go and tell her how beautiful she is and to turn her life around because she gets too hurt in the future, 

I would ask her to go down a different path so that she could live a better life where she isn't sitting in her room at 1:24 in the morning writing in her notes app as she cries herself to sleep with cuts all down her thigh or puffy eyes from crying since 5 in the afternoon,

 to save her from a future of constantly making friends for them to leave, 

or planning out her death every other week, 

or when things finally start getting good only to be torn back down again,

 to have nights where she sleeps peacefully, 

to where she isn't texting her best friend saying she regrets how things were left the last time they seen eachother,

 I just want her to be safe and okay, I would apologize once more and tell her to be strong as I tuck the hair behind her ears and draw stars on her wrists telling her that she is perfect the way she is and she doesn't need to please people all the time, 

I would wipe her tears if she has any before disappearing to be brought back to the present with the very scissors that started it in my hands as I hold onto the memory of the day I lost my innocence....

Author's Note

I know its not really a poem but I don't know what category of writing this would fall under.