Don't Cry
A Poem by Caroline Grimm
seeing the hatred in your eyes reminded me of the scars on my thighs saying I'm sorry won't suffice for you and I know that to be true that hurt me more than you think I can no longer blink I fear I will cry to have no feelings I will try I screwed myself over now I can't be saved even by a four leaf clover because to forget that look I will need more than luck and far more than a buck I'm sorry for what I did I hope you know I hid I only let a few tears flow and now the hate for myself will continue to grow I hope you know I cried And that another part of me died
© 2025 Caroline Grimm
Reviews
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* “I can no longer blink”
Umm... so this unknown person, who is addressing someone unknown to the reader has lost the ability to blink? Naaa
This line perfectly illustrates your most pressing, but easily fixed problem: You’re forcing the wording of the line to the needs of the rhyme, as if the act of rhyming was the important thing. But it’s not.
The rhyme is an accent—the tink of a cymbal, not the thud of a drum. And the rhyming words must fit the thought being expressed so perfectly that the rhyme seems almost accidental, and as natural as breathing.
There’s a LOT more to writing metrical poetry than there appears to be—enough that we can’t fumble our way into perfection. Remember, they offer poetry-related degrees, and we have to assume that at least some of what they teach is necessary. Right?
My favorite example is the lyrics to the song, "The Twelfth of Never," released in 1957. Look at the opening:
- - - - -
You ask how much I need you, must I explain?
I need you, oh my darling, like roses need rain.
You ask how long I'll love you; I'll tell you true:
Until the twelfth of never, I'll still be loving you.
- - - - -
Notice the clever trick played on the reader: The speaker is replying to a question the reader supposedly asked, placing that reader INTO the poem, as the beloved who has asked that question. And since it’s one we might ask of someone who loves us, the answer is inherently interesting (especially since, if it’s a good answer we might use it).
So with “You ask,” and without realizing why, the reader is emotionally involved. That’s brilliant writing, because this one line makes the rest of the poem meaningful to the reader.
In response to the question of how long their commitment will last, the speaker dismisses it as supposedly obvious. Yet it’s a critical question, so the seeming disconnect again draws the reader in, with the unspoken comment of, "Well yes, you absolutely must tell me, because I need to know." So, given the attitude placed into the reader with that thought, it feels as if the poem is directed at us. And that’s a HUGE hook. Right?
The response is 100% allegorical. It says, in effect, “I can’t live without you,” but does it in a pretty and interesting way.
The question/answer sequence then continues with a clever twist, Love will end, but on a date that’s an impossibility.
It’s emotion-based writing that calls up context that already exists in the reader/listener’s mind. But even had they never heard the expression “like roses need rain,” it would be instantly meaningful.
It’s part of a song, but this first verse, for me, is a perfect example of emotion-based poetry.
Let's take it one step further, and look at the FLOW. It's metrical poetry, so it rhymes. But notice that the rhymes aren't the obvious Moon/June type, and the words fit the thought so well that the rhyme seems incidental, an accent rather than a drumbeat. And, each line has the same cadence: seven beats per line that the reader, or singer, will fall into, enhancing the experience.
Make sense?
The problem behind the problem, as I see it, is that for the author, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in our mind. But too often, for the reader, every line acts as a pointer to ideas, memories, events, and outcomes, all stored in *OUR* mind, because we forget to give the context that will make the words meaningful to the reader.
Aside from the great lyrics, it’s a pretty song. The most popular version of it was recorded by Johnny Mathis in 1958 A live recording, later in his career, is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PnPnSjCUnc
So...how do you acquire that knowledge? Well, a great start is to read the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He will amaze you with things about the flow of language that you never suspected.
Mary Oliver’s, Rules for the Dance is another excellent resource.
And for nonmetrical poetry, her, A Poetry Handbook is a gem.
https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html
So, dig in. I think you’ll find that not only is it fascinating reading, it adds options and solutions to your tool kit that make the act of writing easier and more fun for you and the reader.
Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334
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Added on January 21, 2025
Last Updated on January 21, 2025
Author
Caroline GrimmSeguin, TX
About
Im a poet, photographer, artist, and I'm trying to write a few books, I'm emo/goth, and have multiple mental disorders, sometimes life just gets hard and writing is a relief. Huge fan of gory works so.. more..
Writing
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