Dear Elisabeth

A young woman writes a letter to someone whose memory is hunting her.

Dear Elisabeth,

I found a videotape when I was cleaning up the house, it was a video of you and me painting togheter. I can't remember that you and I have ever painted together, I can't remember you and I doing much together. Oow Elisabeth, sometimes I think that my memories of you are so twisted. Do I make them better in my mind or do I make them worse? I can remember very clearly that you called me names, I can remember that you were always away and I can remember that you would never take me with you. But I think I didn't mind that. I think I liked being away from you. 

This video has confused me so much. Being away from you was easy before I had seen it. You were the bogeyman of my life and everything was your fault. Because of you I have always been insecure and it was your fault that I didn't have any friends. If you had been there for me more offten I would have had a better life. Maybe you were there for me all this time but I just didn't notice. 

When I went to say goodbye to you my hair was straightend, I wore a large, black sweater and black jeans. I could feel their eyes burning in my back. I walked all the way up to the front and sat down. I sat there numb. When it was time for me to give a speech I tripped, I heard Cyntia lauging. I got these cold shivers. I don't know why, but she still gives me chills. When I was standing at the front of the church I saw how many people were there, there weren't a lot. Were you such a hated person that not more than fifteen people would attend your funeral? 

Often have I been sad because you never took care of me. I am your daughter, you are suppost to love me! So why don't you? What have I done wrong to not deserve the love of a mother? I was a child the first time you made me feel like nothing. Since then I have gotten used to being called names by you, to being pushed around by you and by being shoved in a corner. Maybe the worst part of this story is that those weren't the worst of times. It hurted even more when you didn't even talk to me at all. During those times we lived in the same house but you didn't even acknowledged my excistence. You cooked for one, you didn't speak to enyone but yourself, you walked away without saying goodbye.

This videotape has confused me too much. It was easy to hate you if you never loved me at all, but this makes me think that deep down you did care for me. I can't take this. After seventeen years of abuse I can't be tortured by you anymore. I am about to make the same decision as you did. I can see now that some battles are too big to fight. Life isn't made for everyone and I am obviously too weak for it. 

Goodbye world.

See you soon Elisabeth.

Goodbye,

Femke.

Author's Note

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, this isn't my first language and I am dyslectic! If there are any grammar mistakes please let me know.
Also this is the first story I have ever let anyone else read so I would love to hear what you think of it and how I can improve!
Thank you for reading :)

Reviews

[ll. wheeler]

while reading this i could imagine everything very clearly. at first i didnt know who the writer was, but then as i read on it made more sense. great job! wow!