Insidious

He waits

like a snake in the grass

ready to strike

an insidious creature of the night

disguised as an angel of light

but I know

He smiles at me with a face full of lies

and I smile back

hidden

in my own disguise

secretly planning my escape

He is full of rage

I feel it permeating off his flesh

like an odorous poison 

in search of prey

Inwardly I shudder 

but on the outside 

I remain calm

accommodating

Silently

I tiptoe around the outskirts of his vision

Making my appearance only when needed

to pacify his jagged soul

He plays his part so well

at first I was fooled

but then the cracks started to appear

slivers of blackness 

started to ooze out of his soul

and I saw

clearly

without a doubt

the thing that lies within

I pray that it leaves him

releases him from its deadly snare

But does he want it to go

or is it his friend

I look at him with eyes 

that are hidden behind a broken smile

and he looks back

searching

waiting

like a snake in the grass

ready to strike

an insidious creature of the night

Reviews

[AK]

This poem is brilliant, Carolann! I love the way you repeated a part of the first stanza in the last stanza--it makes the reader feel like the poem, though has ended, has just begun (I don't know if that makes any sense to you:P).
I love the transition of emotions in the poem, first 'he' is your opponent and then, you wish that the devil leaves him, almost like you are his well wisher.
Moreover, the poem was extremely well written and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Hope to read more form you ~
AK

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you so much AK :)

[AK]

My utmost pleasure :)

[Overrated-World]

Tells a endless story.
great :)

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you, Glad you liked :)

[Jessie]

Wonderful penning! And so much depth to it! Twas beautious dear :D

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you :)

[Emerald Seas]

So many ways to take this poem. Quite a writing :)

[Baby Ricochet]

I'm working on a poem that's going to be pm request only cause its to offensive to post on line and one of the characters is a snake.
So this poem is rather syncronistic with mine. That's all kinds of fucked up. I did like this poem. Thanks cookie.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you. That is all kinds of something that's for sure :) I'd like to read your poem when its done so give me a heads up if you like.

[TheJordBaker]

I love how you have taken a feeling we can relate to and made a thing of art from it. The way it's written allows me to feel every word and become the writer, their emotions and their desires. nice work.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you :)

[GlacialStars]

How? Uh? What?

Why is this such a great poem? First of all you caught me off guard. I read the title and I wasn't expecting this kind of scheme. I thought it was going to be a regular simplistic poem but not at all! So much hidden meanings, so many secrets that lie under every word. And this charade....this masquerade that both characters engage in, you lie to me so I'll lie to you. It was magically put together...I just can't put it into words...there's so much to say..

The fact that you said it cracks and let's off a black ooze is as if you are referring to the deceiving mask the creature wears. Or that these lies that are created makes him seem bad but within he might have good left. Like you said he can get rid of it unless it became his friend.

And this lying game continues until the end of the poem and we notice that the poem doesn't have an end to show the vicious cycle and the lying that persist through time.

Lastly, I like the thing you said about angel of light and snake. We can see where this comes from, it can only be from the snake in Genesis and Lucifer as the devil, the lies as his doctrine and his broken smile because he doesn't fool you.

Awesome as always my dear friend please continue writing you are great at it xD!

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you so, so much. Means a lot :)

[GlacialStars]

Of course! Just saying the truth

[Carolann Dowsett]

:)

[Salar Majak]

i love the repeatition!, the rage, the hate that flowes with this poem of yours, the discription that is absolutly perfect! great peice!

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you so much :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

this is good, i suppose many people can relate to this situation of wanting a part of someone, but hating the rest

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

I am getting so confused now......ALL the world is AWAKE!
I'm speaking to people in the USA...AND Australia for heavens sake....Mind you...I'm off to sleep soon.....

[Carolann Dowsett]

Haha have you finished the next chapter yet? I'm waiting in suspense lol no pressure though :) Here it is 10.30am Tuesday morning :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

Well good morning to you...it is twenty minutes to midnight here..there is 6 inches of snow outside....I have written just about 16 chapters of the book and will post 2 more before I go to bed...

[Carolann Dowsett]

Oh wow cool well done. I'll have a read this arvo, looking forward to it :)

[Frieda P]

I know this insidious night constrictor, you tell the tale so well.

'at first I was fooled
but then the cracks started to appear
slivers of blackness
started to ooze out of his soul'

Love it!

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you Frieda. :)

[KeeD]

like a snake in the grass
ready to strike
an insidious creature of the night" so creative, brilliant word choice accompanied by an amazing rhyme.
The poem was dark and this insidious creature could be perceived to be so many negative people that come across our life. For me it could be my temper it's always lurking like a snake in the grass. Great write, this one definitely one of my favorites from you. Favorited, 100/100

[Carolann Dowsett]

Thank you so much Kee. :)