A Crawling, By Ants Under [ dedicated to RMS ]

A Crawling, By Ants Under

Rendered; And The Scars Of It.

With All Restrictions And Renunciations
Of Years Gone Before Ourselves, It Is
Possible To Speak Of A World Sublime,
While Verging Upon The Most Feverish,
Gasping, Quaquaversal Madness

(That Of An Abandoning, Erebusian
Consciousness, A Mysterious,
Mythical Recognizable)--Continuity Of
Erethismic Upheaval In Psyche--Uttering,

Falling Tangled, Into Pellmellodious,
Melliferous, Synaptic Symmetries,
Alternating In Dissonance Of Such
Introduced Push--Eyes Effusively Absorbing;

They Are Smoldering And Uninhibited,
In A Blazing, Rhythmic Rocking, Engendered
Androgynous, And Oscillatorily There, At
The Eclipse, Out Scene, All Moist, In

Umbilical Blood Singed Recesses,
Panting From Such Interior Painting Of

Another New Theory
Of Intimate Relativity.

© Carol Maric
All Rights Reserved
© 2007 Carol Maric - Being: The Obsession, Continued . . . A Raging Epidemic !

Reviews

[Candace Dawn]

Wow, ya know
this was clever and polished. I feel foolish just trying to comment on it. Your spectacular use of language outshines most works of art I have viewed. This was groovy man.

Candace

[Nikki]

i think the depth of language is overshadowing the topic a bit. i think that this is overflowing with passion, but im left a little wanting.

thanks for the read!

-Nikki

[Li Li]

Yeah.....I am confused. :)

I can see the depths of this....and I really am admiring your sense of language. You have a way with words that is for sure. I felt like I was trapped in a Labrynth while reading this. So much going on here.

But, I admire it. I may not have completely understood, but I will let it be known that I was here.

Much love,

Li Li

[Penelope Allen]

I could almost hear this read aloud with relish and much lip smacking as each multi-syllabic word is rolled off the oral production line and recorded for posterity. You sure can't say that words fail you. I do believe I know what your topic is but don't care if I'm wrong because I've got the right to make up my own song. Keep writing and I'll simply hum along.

[Cari Lynn Vaughn]

Such linguistic gymnastics! Wow! I do tend to agree with the other reviewers though. It is difficult for the typical lay person to understand. The all-caps style detracts from the poem as well. Having said all that there is beauty in what you wrote. I like the science metaphors.

[Kristen R. Heyl]

I would have to say that your poetry isn't the kind I am used to reading. A dictionary had to be in my hand for a good portion of this and that isn't how I enjoy poetry but I understand that it's your style and way so all I am going to leave you with is that sometimes less is more and sometimes more is less.

[Leah Simone]

There were a couple words I had to look up. It almost felt as if this was written with a thesaurus in one hand and the pen in the other. I have noticed you tend to overuse capitalization quite a bit. This technique alone disrupts the flow for me. As much as I look to literature to broaden my vocabulary at times...a tool to learn underused words....I felt the piece was too clinical to be intriguing poetry. There was no luring of the spirit to visualize or comprehend what you were conveying. It was more like a dull ranting by a professor none of the students understand....the class they dread....where half of the students are doodling and the other half are asleep or daydreaming save for a few little "goody goodies" sitting on the front row taking notes with sweaty palms in fear of the inevitable "F" because even they don't get it.

You are obviously intelligent and passionate about your theories, based on other works of yours I have read, but I sincerely encourage you to rethink the caps and find a way to invite your readers to READ you rather than drive them away. -Leah

[Sandra Rose Waybill]

the first verse is great!
It takes a little time to understand the rest, and maybe one has to sense ones way thru rather than think ones way thru when reading it, but I like that!
it is what stems from the atmosphere of reading, rather than the read words themselves, that speaks to me.
I guess it simply needs to be read in a different way in order to gain understanding, and perhaps no two readers will find the same comprehension inside!

[Karen Kalbacher]

I hate to echo what everyone else is saying here...but I don't understand it. What are you trying to say? Is there some cleverness hidden in it so well that no one sees it? I'd love an explanation of your thought process on this one.

[J. Patrick Darrow]

Either this is deeper than the recesses of space, or I'm clueless. I can't find the meaning.. the metaphor, the reason, or the rythmn. Hell, it looked like half the words came from the final round of the national spelling bee. I had to stop half way through and dust off the Webster's just to figure out the words..Quaquaversal, Pellmellodious, Erebusian, Oscillatorily.. I mean c'mon.. I hate to expose my own ignorance, but here I'm unashamed, because I'll bet over half the people who read this will be wearing a bald patch on their heads from scratching. Perhaps you might consider a preamble to the poem to let the reader have a small clue as to the direction your mind and pen are heading. I've read some of your other work, and was impressed.. this one lost me. Experiments don't always go well, and I think you wrecked the whole lab on this one.. Just try to focus on your audience.. I occasionally use "big" words in my work, but the context makes for easy translation.. your context just further confused. My vocabulary felt very inadequate in this piece, but thanks to you and Mr. Webster I learned a few new words.