A Promise of Light

“Mrs. Hanson is dead.”

Kate felt the impact of her husband’s words as they shocked the center of her heart. They reached her veins, and flowed through her like a relentless river. She felt heavy as she collapsed against the armchair behind her. Nick’s garbled voice spoke to her through the phone.

“Kate? Are you okay?” He asked.

Her jaw remained clenched. Silence was her only defense.

“The school just called. She had an allergic reaction, a bee sting I think.” Nick went on.

 He was familiar with Kate’s way of coping. When Dr. Baron diagnosed their son Nathan with Asperger's syndrome five years ago, Kate sat in his office rigid and guarded. It wasn’t until they got in the car that she let herself cry, her stiff stature dissolving into a pool of tears. He could picture her, sitting in the house alone, her mouth sealed shut, and a vein bulging through her pale pink skin.

Kate released her jaw and she fought against the cries trying to escape her throat.

“How am I supposed to tell the kids?” She said, exasperated.

Nick faltered. “I...I don’t know Kate… I really don’t. I wish I could be there, but I won’t be able to get a flight out of Atlanta for a couple hours.”

“I understand.” Kate said flatly.

She really did understand. But how was she supposed to tell her children that their beloved teacher had died? And from a bee sting? She looked at the time, 2:45.

“Um, I...I’ve got to go. I have to pick the kids up.” Kate said as she sat up and got herself together. The phone was wedged between her ear and her shoulder as she shrugged on her jacket.

“I’m so sorry, Kate. I love you.” Nick said softly.

Kate absorbed the warmth in his words.

“I love you too” She replied with sincerity.

Kate drove down Sycamore Drive, mentally preparing herself for what was about to happen. Mrs. Hanson was a third grade teacher. She was young and bright, and she was so good with the kids, especially Nathan. Nathan and Violet were twins. Although they were born only minutes apart, they could not have been more different. Nathan was very intelligent. He was strong in math, and science. He was fixated on animals, but not for the purpose of nurturing. He liked to study them, and learn how they worked. His bedroom was filled with various terrariums, each holding a different kind of animal. He had an old notebook filled with his observations about each one. Violet however, had a way with words. She wrote stories and limericks that were wise beyond her years. She was able to capture powerful emotion in her writing, something which Nathan couldn’t even fathom. Violet loved Nathan, and she had the patience of a saint. Without Violet, Nathan never would have been able to attend public school. Through all of Nathan’s struggles, Violet was his light. At times, it seemed that she was able to lead him out of the darkness.

It had been five years since Kate had gotten a hug from her son. She had never heard the words “I love you.” escape from his lips. It had been a struggle for Kate and her husband, to love him so unconditionally and not even be sure if he could love them back. Kate felt guilty for thinking it, but she hoped that Mrs. Hanson’s death would elicit an emotional response from Nathan. His tears only came in the form of tantrums and fits when he didn’t get his way. She would give anything to see light in his eyes, to see some sort of sentiment.

Kate pulled up to the school. Kids poured out of the doors smiling and laughing as they made their way to the buses. Violet and Nathan piled in the car. Kate steadied herself. She didn’t want to worry the kids before she had to.

“Look, Mom!” Violet said passing a paper to Kate, “I drew a picture for Daddy when he comes home from his trip!”

Kate admired the picture. It was a scribbly version of her husband holding a briefcase, and stepping off an airplane. In the corner there were three people exclaiming “Welcome home!” Violet had drawn herself and her mother with outstretched stick figure arms. There were lopsided grins on each of their faces. Violet had drawn Nathan’s arms down at his side. His mouth was a straight red line.

“How was your day, Nathan?” asked Kate encouragingly.

“It was fine” He said flatly, “We had a substitute teacher. His name was Mr. Russ. He didn’t know a lot. He didn’t even feed the iguana right. I had to show him.”

“He was funny though!” Violet exclaimed. “He told us a joke. Do you want to hear?”

“The joke was stupid Violet.” Nathan said “It didn’t make sense.”

“I’d like to hear the joke.” Kate interjected.

“Okay, mom,” Violet began “What did the horse say when it fell down?”

“I don’t know. What?”

“I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddyup!” She said gleefully, bursting into laughter.

Kate forced a laugh. Her mind was on Mrs. Hanson.

“Mom, horses can’t talk. It doesn’t make any sense.” Nathan argued.

Kate fixed her eyes on the road. They were almost home.

As they entered the house, Nathan bolted up the stairs towards his room.

“Nathan!” Kate called. “Come back down here, I need to talk to you and your sister.”

“Mom, I need to feed the animals. It’s 3:15. They always eat at 3:15.”

“They can wait a little longer, Nathan.” Kate said, wringing her hands nervously.

“No, they can’t. They always eat at 3:15. I need to feed them now.”

Kate gave up. “Fine. Feed them fast. Hurry up.”

Kate sat on the couch next to Violet and put her head in her hands.

“Is everything okay, Mom?” Violet asked with concern in her eyes.

She had the same brown eyes that Nathan had, but there was a glimmer of life behind hers. Nathan had no life, no light. His eyes were like two black rocks, sitting still even as the sea washed over them. 

“No, Violet. Things are not okay.”

Nathan came back down the stairs. He sat on the couch opposite Kate and Violet.

“So what is it? I want to watch my show soon.” Nathan said hastily.

Kate exhaled, and put her hand on Violet’s knee.

“This is going to be hard to hear,” She began “And it’s okay to be very sad about this.”

Kate kept her breathing steady, as Violet climbed up onto her lap.

“Mrs. Hanson passed away this morning.” Kate said holding Violet close to her. Nathan sat still, his eyes were fixed on the floor. Violet broke into sobs, and buried her face in Kate’s chest.

“How?” Violet asked through her cries.

“A bee sting. Some people are allergic, and can get really sick if they get stung.”

Then Nathan spoke up. “Do you know that only female bees sting? They carry venom in a sack. Male bees don’t do that.”

Violet tore her head from Kate, and glared at Nathan. Her brown eyes were on fire.

“I hate bees!” She yelled “I hate them! I hate them!”

Then she melted back into Kate’s arms. Kate rocked her, while Nathan sat restlessly.

“Can I watch my show now?” He asked.

Later that night, Violet was asleep in Kate’s bed. She had exhausted herself from crying. Nathan was in his room, making observations in his notebook. Kate stood in his doorway, watching him watch his hamster as it ran on its wheel.

“It’s time for bed, buddy.” Kate said. “It’s been a long day.”

“I’m Nathan, not buddy.” Nathan said climbing under his sheets.

“Right, sorry” she said sitting on the edge of his bed. “How do you feel about Mrs. Hanson? Are you sad that she died?”

She was praying for a yes. Please let there be light in his eyes. She thought.

“I don’t like that she died.” Nathan said slowly, his face remaining stoic.

Kate snapped her head up to look at him. There was a small flicker, a promise of light.

Nathan went on. “I don’t like that she died because I don’t want Mr. Russ to be my teacher. He doesn’t know how to feed the iguana. I think we’ll have to get rid of her.”

Kate closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek. Any promise of light was gone.

There was no light.

 

Author's Note

First draft.

Reviews

[MAC]

your first draft is excellent. a very "human" story that captures the reader from the first line.

[Carly]

Thanks for reading!

[KeeD]

A very realistic approach through this story, there can't always be a happy ending, this was a more relateable story, was human. Right from the start you captured the reader with an interesting turn of events and kept me glued throughout. Really good writing

[Carly]

Thanks so much!

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

What I like about this story the most is the mix emotions...you got death, but you also put humor in it as well, which expresses that humans need to laugh when they're under so much stress. And the ending is so, so realistic, that there can't be always light at the end of that dark tunnel. I can not wait to read your future works.

[Carly]

I tried to make this story very human and relate able. Thanks for reading!

[snaprabbit]

"They reached her veins, and flowed..." - don't need the comma here.

"She said, exasperated." - exasperated feels like the wrong word here. If you're exasperated you're fed up with something, and that's not really the situation here. Something like, "She choked out over the threatening sobs..." might work better.

Also, the above point will help cut out the repetition of "said" because you use it twice for two of Kate's lines in a row.

“I love you too” She replied with sincerity." - the wording's a little awkward, "with sincerity" - it's be better if you dispensed with the tag and got inside Kate's head a bit, i.e. "I love you too[,]" she replied, hoping she sounded as sincere as she felt."

"Violet however" - needs a comma before and after, - "Violet[,] however,"

"Without Violet, Nathan never would have been able to" - think I mentioned this in the other review I did. Point here where you can cut back the repetition of the names and just have "Without her, Nathan..." - because we already know who the "her" is.

“It was fine” He said flatly" - "It was fine[,]" [h]e said flatly," - don't need the capital because it's not a new sentence.

"It doesn’t make any sense.” Nathan argued" - should be a comma not a full stop here at the end of the speech because you've got it followed by a tag. It's only a full stop if an action follows, i.e. "It doesn't make any sense." Nathan frowned.

Violet bursts into tears a bit suddenly. Admittedly, I've never given news like this to a child, but I would have expected a bit of shock/disbelief before accepting the bad news, especially for a young kid. It all kicks off in the space of two lines here.

Solid ending to the story and the dialogue from Nathan is really well written. The majority of what I've said above is little nitpicks with punctuation that really are not a big deal as far as the actual story goes. Enjoyed reading this one a lot as well. I think the formatting went a bit weird though, because there are bits of speech taking up two lines or more and each line stays indented.

Once again, great job with this piece and I hope this helps with any revisions.

Jamie.

[Carly]

Thank you! It will definitely help me out later

[Felicity's Eve]

This is an incredible story! You've captured the depth and sorrow of the family's issues perfectly. I did feel that this was disjointed in some places and a lot more compound sentences could've been used, but this is of course the first draft :)

[Carly]

Thanks for reading! What parts felt disjointed to you?

[Richard Man]

As a teacher experienced with autism and asperger's syndrome I can relate deeply and profoundly with the behaviour of Nathan: You have described this with sensitivity and depth. The catatonic freezes of Kate's emotions are indicative of her relationships with others... again well observed and portrayed. Great story.

[Richard Man]

However.... I feel it unlikely that husband on a business trip in Atlanta is going to a)Know about Mrs Hanson's death and b) Phone Kate specifically.
This is an unconvincing device to start the story. Though the statement "Mrs Hanson is dead" is.

[Carly]

Thanks for your review! I wanted this to be solely Kate's journey, but I also wanted it to be clear that there was a loving husband/father in the picture. I think I may have found a better way to do it.

[Ada Slowe]

Oh, great story. You're such a talented writer :)

[Carly]

Thanks for reading!

[Ada Slowe]

You're welcome :)

[KurKota]

Very good write ! It describes a very specific situation of a condition. By using twins, it seems as if it is to utilize the two different typical reactons of those that have it. I am not at all aware totally of these attributes since I haven't had occasion to be around it, but you do an excellent job, through this story to convey it. I liked it alot....Thank you, you are very talented.

[Carly]

Thank you for reading!

[KurKota]

My pleasure ...

[nostal]

Sorry, I'm just loitering by, shamelessly self-promoting myself. People cough read cough my cough new cough story. Enough said.

[Carly]

I'll certainly read your story, but why don't you stop loitering and read mine?

[Marie]

I don't see any mistakes. There is nothing that needs to be cut; nothing that needs to be changed.
I like the fact that you didn't give it an upbeat ending but finished it in a way that seemed right.

[Carly]

Thanks for the review. And I agree, and upbeat ending would not have been right at all.