Occupied

The motel on Riverside Drive is usually pretty vacant. The stained carpets, old mismatched furniture and chipped paint don’t exactly make it appealing. Guests are infrequent, and when they do come they typically stay holed up in their rooms, hiding from life. That’s the beauty of the Riverside Motel. Its discrete location on highway 36 makes it a perfect place to get away, and all for a low price of $53 a night. After over 50 years of owning this motel I’ve seen quite a few characters come and go. It’s usually businessmen, young lovers looking for privacy, kids on the run, and then once and a while you have some creeps come through. After their arrival, you can most certainly expect an exceptionally gussied up girl to follow 40 minutes later. I’ll admit, after the creeps leave I’m always scared I’ll find a body in the closet, or in the ice machine outside.

Nothing real bad ever happened until that one morning, when I found that poor girl bound with duct tape, and washed up in the river behind the motel. She was a young girl with blond hair and green eyes. Even though her body was blue and cold, I thought she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. I felt my heart break when the paramedics took her body away. Who would do that to an innocent little girl? The girl’s death came as a big scare to everyone. After that day, the staff left. There wasn’t much of a staff anyway, apart from a few maids, and Oscar who tended to the grounds. I figured I could take on the work myself. I’m 78 years old, no wife, no children, I’ve poured my heart and soul into this motel, and I’ll care for it until the day I die.

It had been a few days since the girl’s passing when Morty Darnell checked in. He was the first guest we had since the incident. He looked young enough to be my son, but old enough to have the world wear on him. He was pale and unkempt, with dark circles under his icy blue eyes. I remember watching him saunter up to the check in desk with one tattered suitcase in his hand.

“Room 9 please.” He said to me with a weak smile.

 “Why room 9?” I asked suspiciously. Room 9 was right next to the room I stayed in at the far end of the motel. In all the time that I’ve worked here nobody’s ever requested it. Nobody has ever requested any room, for that matter.

“I had a friend stay here once.” He said with a twinkle in his eye. “He recommended it.”

“Really now? Well I’ll be. That’ll be $53 for the night” I said as I got the guest book.

“Thank you.” He said as he handed me his money.

“What’s your name?”

“Morty, Morty Darnell”

“Well nice to meet you Morty Darnell. I’m Archie. Enjoy your stay.”

I didn’t hear much from Morty that first night he stayed. I heard him turn on the television around 8pm, and turn it off again half an hour later. I heard his alarm go off at 7am, which was followed by a shower. At 8 I stood in my kitchenette making eggs. I wondered if Morty wanted some.  I usually didn’t fraternize with the guests, but it was lonely around here these days. I went over to room 9, and knocked on the door.

“Well hello Archie.” Morty said as he opened the door.

“Hey Morty” I replied “Would you like some eggs? It seems I made too much. My eyes are bigger than my stomach these days.”

Morty looked at me if he was about to deny my offer, but then nodded.

“Yeah, Archie” he said “Eggs sound fantastic”

I led him into room 10, which was my room. It was modest, but functional.

“Have a seat.” I said to him.

He sat down, and I set a plate in front of him.

“So where’d you come from Morty?”

“Oh, here and there. I travel a lot”

I nodded. I was used to the vague answers of guests here. I didn’t pry. If he wanted to tell me about his past, he would.

“So how long have you owned this motel Archie?” He asked wiping the corners of his mouth.

“Oh it’s been about 52 years now since I took it over from my father.” I said “I had just gotten back from Vietnam, my mother had passed years ago, and my poor old dad was too sick to take care of this place. It was in better shape before that. I guess it’s kind of gone downhill.”

Morty looked at me with concerned eyes, and then he said something unexpected.

“Well, if you need any work done around here, I’m happy to help you out.”

“Really?” I said, “Well I could use an honest worker around here that’s for sure.”

“I noticed the roof was getting leaky in the lobby. How about after we finish these eggs, I’ll go take a look at it?” He asked with a smile.

“That would be just great!”

I couldn’t help but be happy. I didn’t realize how much I really missed the staff. I knew I was at the end of my life, and I didn’t want to spend it alone. Morty fixed the place up pretty quick. He was a hard worker, and within days the place looked better. I was a little discouraged because we still hadn’t had a guest. The girl’s death was in the local news, and I guess it wasn’t the best tourist attraction. Maybe they were right to stay away. Some strange things started taking place around the motel. I would hear footsteps all day. At first I thought it was just that I wasn’t used to having another person in the motel with me, but then one day I heard them while Morty was outside tending to the lawn. If that wasn’t strange enough, everything was always misplaced. I’d put the guest ledger down somewhere, and before I knew it, it’d be across the room! It was just my mind going, I reckon. 78 years has put a lot of wear on this old brain.

One morning I went around checking all the rooms like I did every once and a while, and found the door to room 2 unlocked. That’s strange, I thought to myself. I hesitantly opened the door only to see a mussed comforter, and an apple core on the dresser. What was this from? I walked in to fix the comforter, and I heard the door slam behind me. I abruptly turned, and went out in the hall to investigate. There was nobody in sight! Something spooky was going on, and I didn’t like it.

Later that day I went outside to tell Morty about what I found. He was up on the roof cleaning out the rain gutters.

“Morty, can you come down here?” I called up to him

 Even from up way up there he could tell that I was upset.

“What’s wrong Archie?” He said climbing down the ladder.

“Did you go into room 2 today?” I asked in a stern tone.

“No…” He replied as he wiped his face with a handkerchief “Why do you ask?”

“It was unlocked, and I found this.” I said holding up the apple core.

Morty still looked at me confused.

“I didn’t go in there.” He said “Are you sure it’s not old?”

“No Morty.” I replied “The apple is perfectly preserved. Of course it’s not old.”

Morty looked at me with confused eyes. I was at a loss. He genuinely didn’t know what I was talking about.

“Okay.” I said “Have you noticed the funny things going on around here? Like the footsteps, or things being misplaced?”

“Actually Archie.” Morty said “I believe I have”

I was relieved to hear that I wasn’t the only one. I got real close to Morty and looked him in the eyes.

“Do you believe in ghosts Morty?”

Morty looked down at his shoes, and then back up at me.

“Is that what you think is going on here? Do you think it’s that girl?”

My head snapped up to look at him.

“How do you know about the girl?” I asked briskly.

“Because” Morty said “I think I’ve seen her.”

My heart froze. Was Morty telling the truth? My heart dropped. A ghost in my motel? It couldn’t be. At that moment, we heard a door inside slam shut, and footsteps run up and down the hall. Morty and I looked at each other, and ran inside. Suddenly the door to room 3 opened, and we heard footsteps leave it. There was nobody there! My heart was pounding, and my whole body was shaking. I had never experienced anything like this before.

“Let’s go check it out” Morty said.

I followed him to the room with hesitant steps. We opened the door to find the whole room in disarray. The bed was disheveled, the TV was on. There was garbage and papers all over the floor. I backed up against the wall to steady myself. This was not okay. My motel is haunted. I looked over at Morty with pleading eyes.

“Please” I said to him “Help me get rid of this”

 “I know somebody who can help.” He replied “Don’t worry this will all be over soon”

That night I couldn’t sleep. I sat up in bed with the blankets pulled up to my chin. I shook so vigorously that the bed shook with me. For the first time in forever, I did not feel safe in this place. I felt the blood leave my face as my dresser drawer opened and slammed shut. I winced and curled up into a ball. I felt like a scared child. Then I felt my blankets being slowly pulled off of me. Why? Why were they doing this to me?

“Leave me alone!” I screamed.

I felt a presence. It was as if someone had gotten in bed with me. I could feel warm breath against my cheek. I could hear the raspy breathing as clear as day. I bolted out of bed and out of my room. I proceeded to pound on Morty’s door. A sleepy Morty answered.

“What’s wrong?” He asked through a yawn.

“She’s in my room! The girl is in my room!” I yelled.

“Alright come inside.” He said looking concerned.

I went inside his room and slumped down on his bed. My hands still shaking I reached for Morty’s arm.

“Please.” I said “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t” Morty said shaking his head “Would you like some tea?”

“That would be great.” I replied “I need to calm my nerves.”

Morty turned to the kitchenette to make the tea. I saw the drawer to his bedside table open. We kept a little bible in each one. I reached inside to retrieve it. I figured it could only help me at this point. When I put my hand in I felt a folded up piece of paper. I pulled it out to discover that it was a newspaper article. I looked over at Morty, he was still fixing the tea. I unfolded the paper. It was an obituary. It was an obituary for Mortimer James Darnell (1903- 1954). Was this his father maybe? Then I looked at the picture. It was identical to Morty! I could feel my fear strangling me; its cold hands wrapped around my neck. I managed a gasp and Morty turned around hastily.

“You’re dead!” I stammered as I backed up against the wall.

Morty calmly sipped at his tea and looked me right in the eyes.

“Well” he said “I guess it’s time you figured it out.”

I let out a scream, and I ran out of that room as fast as my 78 year old bones would let me. I went to the back of the motel to my truck. I heard noise coming from the river by where my truck was parked. Then I heard a splash. I turned to face the river. A girl emerged from the water. She walked towards me with silver drops of water dripping from her blond hair. I turned to run the other way, and ran right into Morty. I was trapped. I was terrified. I had nowhere to go.

“Don’t be afraid Archie” said Morty “We’re not going to hurt you.”

“He doesn’t remember?” The girl asked Morty “How can he not remember?”

“Remember what?!” I yelled “Why are you haunting me?”

“Remember Archie!” The girl said putting her icy hands on my shoulders. “Morty can help you just like he helped me! Close your eyes and remember!”

I squeezed my eyes shut, and felt a great pain in my chest. I felt my memory rewind, and I was back at that sorrowful day. It was like I was looking at myself from above. I watched myself standing by the ambulance as they took the girl’s body away. A tear fell from my cheek, as I grabbed my chest and fell to the ground. I saw buttons flying in the air, as one young man ripped open my shirt. The paramedics surrounded me, and retrieved some kind of machine from their truck.. They hooked it up to my chest, and yelled “Clear!” as my body writhed around on the ground. They tried again and again. Then they gave up. The light left my eyes, and head hung limp.

“I’m dead too.” I said with a sigh of realization. “I’m dead.”

“Yes Archie.” Morty said “You’re dead.”

I fell to my knees, and sobbed in to the ground. As overwhelming as it was, I felt relieved. I felt free! I’m dead. I died of a heart attack on October 8^th 2012. I remember what it felt like to die. I remember the pain of my soul being torn from my body as we parted ways. I pressed my hands together. They were frigid, and hard as stone. I held two fingers up to my neck. No pulse. I stood up and composed myself.

 “So who are you?” I asked Morty.

“I help people move on. I help them see what has happened to them.”

“What about the stuff happening in the motel?”

“Well” Morty chuckled “In a way, we are kind of haunted by the living. They go about living their lives, and we go about existing. We can’t see each other, but once in a while we can feel each other’s presence.”

“So what happens now?”

“You just exist. You’ll be stuck in this place for a while, but once it’s time you’ll move on to a better place. It takes some a little longer than others, so don’t get discouraged if you stick around for a while.”

 “Well what happens to you?” I asked him.

Morty was the only friend I had. I didn’t want him gone.

“I’ve got to go on and help more spirits like you.” He said with a smile. “But I’m really going to miss your company Archie.”

“Thank you for helping me Morty.” I said as I gave him a hug goodbye.

Then I watched him walk off alongside the river. A tear fell from my cheek as he faded into the darkness.

The girl and I continued to exist in the motel for a little while. Her name was Caroline, and she was a really sweet girl. She was only 18 when she passed. She told me about how her mom died when she was a baby, and how her daddy wasn’t very nice to her. As soon as she mustered up the courage, she up and left. The only things she brought with her were the clothes on her back and a pretty gold locket her mother left behind. She hitchhiked from Iowa all the way here to Pennsylvania in just a couple weeks. Then one day she hopped in the cab of Gary Damon’s truck, and he drove half a mile down the road before pulling over and wrapping her up in duct tape. She kicked him square in the jaw and escaped. She ran and ran as fast as she could. It was a real dark night that night, not a star in the sky. Caroline couldn’t see where she was going, and she ran herself right in to the river, and drowned. It made her upset to talk about, so I never brought it up. She spent a lot of her time sad. Eventually I started to see a twinkle in her eye, and she started to laugh again. She had a beautiful laugh. One day she was gone. I went to the river and called out for her, but I knew she was gone for good. Then something caught my eye. Caroline’s locket lay at my feet. I picked it up and held it to my heart. Wherever she went, I wished her the best.

Most nights I would sit in the rocking chair in the lobby. I would listen for footsteps walking back and forth. I’d rock in my chair and wonder what the living people were thinking. Sometimes I would feel their presence. I would hear a child’s faint laughter, or feel someone walk right through me. It was strange, and difficult to get used to. However, the new owners seemed to take good care of the place. The whole place was repainted, and the furniture was reupholstered. Once in a while I would leave little candies on the pillows of the guests because that’s what my father did. I took pleasure in my daily activities. It had been a while since Caroline left, but I figured I would move on in my own time, just like Morty said. I was very at peace with what happened to me. Being dead isn’t all that bad. You should try it sometime.

Author's Note

I tried a couple different ways to end the story. Does this one work?

Reviews

[Kelsey]

I really liked the last paragraph. It was lighthearted and a good ending. There's something that may need to be fixed in the middle era. There was all of this information and I didn't connect to Morty and I couldn't see why Archie did either. Yes, he was alone and wanted somebody to be with him, but I couldn't see the appeal of Morty. Instead, he seemed a bit creepy. Maybe Archie saw the same solitude that Archie enjoys as well and thought to change it up? I'm glad there wasn't too much about the girl when he did meet her. More information would clutter.
My personal advice would be to work on the relationship between Morty and Archie so the readers can connect with both characters. I really enjoyed the ending, so I hope you keep that.

[Carly]

I think Archie really connected with Morty because he's lonely, and Morty is someone who is willing to spend time with him and help him. After re-reading I realize that I do need to do something to make Morty seem less "creepy"

[Richard Man]

I am not sure whether it's me or your writing but once Archie realised he was dead he didn't seem to feel his age any more: this I think is as it should be. I liked the format of the story but I felt it lacked a little of the brilliance of Marie's flat. I feel you could have related the story of the drowned girl as a newspaper report and then allowed her, ironically, to bring it to life. But hey ho that's my thoughts.

[Carly]

Very interesting. I wrote this story nearly a year ago. I have a lot to think about when I go back to work on it again!

[cas_write]

You sure know how to use the English language. You mastered Archie's voice. He has a great voice. But I feel like you know way more about Archie than the rest of us (well of course you do, you created him) But let your audience in a little more. Same with Morty. You can give us some more about him while still keeping him mysterious. The story is already long, so a little more detail won't hurt you.

[Carly]

Thanks!!

[Icelanna]

I like this piece although it does appear to be very factual almost all of the time, as a first person character there is a lack of opinion and personal thought I think. The context at the beginning is a bit drab, the beginning of it didn't make me want to read on until I read where the girl was in the lake, it just didn't capture my attention until something which obviously would grab your attention was written ie a death of a teen. The beginning needs to be more engaging. The opening line isn't very interesting for example. You can't really think much into it except for the reason why, there are a number of reasons why hotels/motels don't do well, economy/advertising/reputation etc and you have the reputation bit which is carried through the whole thing because of the death.
The story is centred around the hotel, which is the scene/setting but you've made it the most important aspect of the entire piece. What we are really looking at is the death of a teenaged girl, the lack of customers and the new guy. You do need to include the creepy goings on with the ghosts etc which is using the motel but you should focus more on the story of what has happened rather than where it is happening.
There is almost too much detail, but the detail ins't a matter of description, if it were it would be much better. For example when you are talking about the girl at the end where she kicked the guy in the jaw, there's no written emotion of panic, i'm not saying the panic should come from the narrator but in the words to get that other persons perspective, especially since it's "hard to talk about". There's a lack of emotion in that bit and during the bit where he finds the body. I'd be so creeped out and shocked and scared and so many other emotions I wouldn't know what to do if that was me, you need to bring the inner characters out, creating deeper personalities by using emotion because right now it's dry and considering it's length, it's going to make people stop reading half way through.
Hope this helps.
Love to you x

[Carly]

No, the story is not about the girl's death at all, which is why I did not go into detail about her. It would have been interesting to hear her tell the story about her being kidnapped, but she's not our main focus, and the story was already getting long, so I didn't think it was fitting for a short story. The story is about Archie and his death, which is what I focused on. It may seem like it's about the motel, but at the end, you can see that it is really about him, and how he passes on. But you're right, I should think of a new opening line to catch the reader's attention. That doesn't really happen until the second paragraph.

[Icelanna]

The girl's death plays a central role in the whole of it whether it is the main theme or not. The death of the girl leads to lack of customers, which leads to a quick bond being made with someone, also when he doesn't know he's dead and there are hauntings the reader assumes it's the little girl and that she is haunting them for a possible reason, then we find out what actually happened to her from someone else's perspective and she also becomes a character. So her role is heavy in the content whether intended or not. The story is about archie/his death but we don't know about his death until the end and during the main body of it it focusses more on the fascination of hauntings and of his new friend, creating a "bonding period" which is not a singular task because it's not all about Archie, if it were it wouldn't focus so much on the interest of someone else being around in my opinion. Yes in the end we do see it's about him and his death, but only at the end, that's when the "conclusion" comes into it, enlightening us with what it's really about, however before we find out at least 1500 words are centred around the setting of the motel specifically. Why not "hauntings" outside for example? The direction of it is angled wrong, it's not so much about Archie but more about friendship and hauntings.
Sorry x

[Carly]

I mean, I see what you're trying to say, but as the writer, I chose not to take the story down that path. I see how that could have worked, but that's not where I was going.

Obviously The girl's death plays a big role, but she is not the focus of the story. I could write a piece about her tragic death, but that's not the story I'm writing. The story is about Archie's experience with the hauntings, and how he comes realize he's dead, and how he passes on. I realize experiencing the hauntings is not a singular task because Morty and Archie are in it together, but it is written in first person, which means you experience it through Archie's perspective. Plus, it is his story to begin with.

Morty told Archie that he knew someone who could help. It seemed that at that point you would find out more about the girl, and her death, but instead Archie finds out about his death. It's not angled wrong, it's a twist. If I were to turn this into something longer, it could be more appropriate to add more about the girl, but it's not fitting for a short story format.

And don't be sorry. Although I disagree with a lot of what you're saying, it is good to hear feedback like this because I can see where my reader's are getting confused, and I can add things to solidify my intentions. I'm not going to change the angle or focus of my story, but you have given me a lot of things to think about, and I think it will reflect well on my story. Thank you for taking the time and energy to work this out with me!

[Marie]

THis one works as well as any other would. It's just that the story is very long. It happens to me sometimes. I've written enough, and then I just don't know how to finish.