Where were you?

          

Mommy where were you?
  cuz you were there you just werent... there..
mommy we needed you
brother was trying , sissy was trying, i was crying
mommy where were you?
on my first day of kindergarten scared to death of what was to come and you wouldnt even get up to tie my shoes
mommy where were you?
you were shipping us off everytime you got tired
like we were some unwanted rag doll that even a dog wouldnt pick up
pushing us off on anybody who
was willing to except  the peices
mommy why wouldnt you listen
all we wanted was your acceptance
now i walk around a grin tattoed on my face trying to show im worthy of acceptance
but not getting it
why wouldnt you listen to my sister when she was screaming at you telling you what happened
but you brushed her off saying she was lying because you didnt want to beleive it
leaving a hand print across her face as if that could undo what happened to her
and daddy where were you
you left us with only a few phone calls and fake laughs
daddy where were you?
were the drugs and girls more important than us
daddy where were you?
cuz now I'm trying to figure out what its like to go to a father daughter dance
daddy now your locked up
we are left tying to figure out why we werent a good enough reason to stay straight
mommy daddy where were you?
now your kids are grown up scarred
but strong because you taught us what not to be.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Mommy where were you?
You were there.
You are just not there...
Mommy we needed you.
Brother was trying, sissy was trying, I was crying
Mommy where were you?
On my first day of kindergarten scared to death.
What was to come?
You did not even get up to tie my shoes.
Mommy where were you?
You were shipping us off every time you got tired.
We were some unwanted rag doll.
That even a dog wouldn’t pick up.
Push us off on anybody.
Who was willing to except the pieces?
Mommy why wouldn’t you listen.
All we wanted was your acceptance.
Now I walk around a grin tattooed on my face.
Trying to show I’m worthy of acceptance not getting it.
Why did you not listen to my sister?
She was screaming at you.
Telling you what happened.
You brushed her off saying she was lying.
You didn’t want to believe it
Leaving a hand print across her face.
Could undo what happened to her.
Daddy where were you?
We left with only a few phone calls…fake laughs.
Daddy where were you?
Were the drugs and girls more important than us?
Daddy where were you?
Now I'm trying to figure out.
What it’s like to go to a father daughter dance.
Daddy now you’re locked up.
We are left trying to figure out.
Why we aren't a good enough reason to stay straight.
Mommy…daddy where were you?
Now your kids are grown up scarred.
Strong…you taught us what not to be.

I have to say the convictions in the lines read like a typical everyday childhood nowadays…where are the parents...where are the responsibilities for their children…but you left a positive in all those lines…that they became strong even with the adversities of the conflicts they endure….and as I was editing this…I got the verse more…and could reflect on the lines…for what they spoke…I hope this gives you a starting point…there’s nothing more than the beauty of words…but there is also the part we do not like to do is the editing/grammar/spelling…if we chose to look at one’s work only on face value…great…but I believe a writer/hobbyist should also take into account the complete nature of the aspects of writing… then we have more time to look in depth in the creation and not the editorial means to gain the defining moment of the story line…

[Carley S.]

Alright, I understand. Thank you very much for the edit and the feed back.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Reminded me much of a write I did...with Filipino American Dream Series: Unscripted... with the title "Sister"...I have the experience of being left without a parent and the piece hits home with me...and I wanted to hear the words for what they are worth...I was a latch key kid growing up...with one parent...back in the 80's...now if you had a parent do that...she would be in jail...along with my 2 sisters...in a small apartment building...

[Carley S.]

I was like that luckely I had an older brother and sister looking out for me. We really only had each other

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I hear you...this was a good read...

[Carley S.]

please tell me what you think i could use a lot of feed back.