Lost by pain

Lost you to screams

and yes I still dream.

Giving birth to one

so fragile and sweet.

 

I remember the times

you always dreamed.

With spoken words like:

"oh how I wish you could see"

 

Wander where he was

when you gave birth.

All alone on this place

called earth.

 

You held on tight screaming

towards the brightest light.

I looked at you and feared

Only to notice your painful tears.

 

You held my arm now

and forced the pain.

To my excite she appeared

with the room filled with tears

 

You smiled broadly, then I noticed

your hold on me was gone.

I quickly looked and saw

how your head went down.

 

I held your hand in both of mine

You simply smiled and said:

It will all be fine.

your hand slowly slipped out of mine

 

This can't be right,

something is wrong!!

No one noticed

and now you're gone.

Reviews

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Carl, you are brilliant, you do know that right? I think you don't.

You are a bestie a sweetheart, and here you prove your soul is caring, full of love, and this is a beautiful writing, selfless, and reality what I like the most.

However your ending is speaking of death, there is beauty, and personally I know this moment, this feeling, so I can only applaud you. Great thought provoking, serious, emphatic writing.. here.

- Elisa

[Carl Drake Barnard]

My dear Eli hehe was just abt to go to review some of your work hehe. Thank you for this fantastic review much adored and appreciated :)

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Hehe and I dont think i'm that brilliant hehe ;)

You are brilliant, please do think and believe you are sweet skattie.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

In depth with the way this comes about in the lines...
has a passive feel throughout the entire reading...
yet the visual and intended meaning is quite visible...
and a tragic ending with the way this transfers in the end...

[Carl Drake Barnard]

yap you are correct brother that is how I indented to write for a bit more feel :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Ditto...keep it up...

[Rachel P]

Beautiful write, and very touching. I have tears in my eyes from reading this. This is heartbreaking and I'm speechless from the beauty of it... This area for me is recently very raw and it's very emotional... beautiful.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Omg you read hehe thank and for such an intense and intriguing review

[Rachel P]

You're welcome. This is a beautiful poem and I can't stop reading it and I am actually crying now I am sorry for being so emotional. I love this.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Imagine me writing it ... Took a lot out of me :) Thanks again and enjoy :)

[Blue]

You almost commanded my tears out of their dwelling place. This is a heartbreaking write, Carl.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Thank you :)

[realmwriter]

Ouch. I lost a daughter and had a daughter on Valentines day, I somewhat know this pain. Excellent write.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

I'm sorry my friend I feel your pain* May she be in a happy place waiting for you to return and take care of her :)

[realmwriter]

I will be with her again and you as well

[Eden Falls]

A beautiful thing, about a beautiful thing.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Thank you Eden *

[Tarella]

Wow,that was such a rush...its like I was there.

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Hehe have you read my status hehe,Thank you lovey for your much appreciated review :)

[NeiL ArandA]

And never seen ever again... Sounds very tragic. Just vanished without a trace.huh

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Haha I appreciate your comment though it's sounds a bit sarcastic hehe thanks

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Had to edit this a little,I got so bord of the small little letters hehe