Book Two Chapter Eleven Some Sad and Dark Secret

Chapter Eleven Some Sad and Dark Secret

Some Sad and Dark Secret was forged using creative methods scrupulously described elsewhere. It was based on notes contained within a single piece of scrap paper which I recently unearthed, and probably dating from 1982 or '83. The first three sections contain words of advice imparted to me by Dr Elizabeth Lang, who was my principle tutor during my final year at Leftfield, and under whose galvanising direction I studied as my main subject the controversial and often disturbing writings of André Gide. Throughout the year, she tirelessly encouraged my intellectual and literary inclinations, determined that I should go on to become a professional academic. She also believed that I had the makings of a successful writer, informing me at one point that if creative writing is of a sufficiently sensational nature, it is guaranteed to be read by a ravenously curious public, and so to be financially successful, or something similar. The fourth and fifth sections have as their basis words once spoken to me by another of my Leftfield tutors. They refer to my former desire to shock by the affectation of an almost hysterical vehemence of tone in my writings, as well as the endless inclusion of ranting lists.

Some Sad Dark Secret

Dr Lang said:

“Temper

Your enthusiasm,

The extremes

Of your

reactions,

You should have

A more

Conventional

Frame

On which to

Hang your

unconventionality.”

The tone of some

Of my work

Is often

A little dubious,

She said.

She thought

That there

Was something

Wrong,

That I’m hiding

Some sad and dark

Secret

From the world.

She told me

Not to rhapsodise,

That it would be

Difficult,

Impossible, perhaps,

For me to

Harness

My dynamism.

“Don’t push People”,

She said.

“You make

Yourself

Vulnerable.”

Dr H. said:

“By the third page,

I felt I’d been

Bulldozed.

I can almost see

Your soapbox.

Like Rousseau,

You’re telling us

What to do.

You seem to

Work yourself

Into such an

Emotional pitch…

And this

Extraordinary

Capacity for lists.”