Part One Book Three Your Lethal Life and Further Versified Fragments

Book Three

Your Lethal Life and Further Versified Fragments

 

First (Versified) Fragments

Wicked Cahoots

 

When he made

his first personal appearance

in the dirty alley

on someone else's rusty bike,

screaming along

in a cloud of dust,

it rendered us all

speechless and motionless.

But I was amazed

that despite his grey-faced surliness,

he was very affable with us...

the bully with a naive

and sentimental heart.

He was so happy

to hear that I liked his dad,

or that my mum liked him,

and he was welcome

to come to tea

with us at five twenty five...

Our adventures were spectacular:

chasing after other bikesters,

screaming at the top

of our lungs

into blocks of flats

and then running

as our echoed waves of terror

blended with incoherent threats...

"I'll call the Police, I'll..."

Wicked cahoots.

The Woodville Hall Soul Boys

 

Soon after I'd paid

My sixty

Or seventy pence,

I found myself

In what I thought

Was a miniature London.

I saw girls

In chandelier earrings,

In stiletto heels,

Wearing evening

Dresses,

Which contrasted with

The bizarre

Hair colours

They favoured:

Jet black

Or bleach blonde,

With flashes of

Red, Purple

Or green.

Some wore large

Bow ties,

Others unceremoniously

Hanged

Their school ties

Round their

Necks.

Eye make-up

Was exaggerated.

The boys all had

Short hair,

Wore mohair sweaters,

Thin ties,

Baggy,

Peg-top trousers

And winklepicker shoes.

A band playing

Raw street rock

At a frantic speed

Came to a sudden,

Violent climax...

Melodic, rhythmic,

Highly danceable

Soul music

Was now beginning

To fill the hall,

With another group

Of short-haired youths...

Smoother, more elegant,

Less menacing

Than the previous ones.

These well-dressed

Street boys

Wore well-pressed pegs

Of red or blue...

They pirouetted

And posed...

Pirouetted and posed.

Some Perverse Will

 

I'm a restless man

I am never

Still

I'm always spurred on

By some perverse

Will

The grass is never

Green

No peace here

To find

Some demon

Of motion's

At work within my

Mind

No bed is too soft

That I won't

Abandon

Its sweet calm

And comfort

For a softer

One

I'm a restless man

I am never

Still

I'm always spurred on

By some perverse will.

 

Tales of a Paris Flaneur

Early days as a flaneur;

I recall the couple

On the Metro

When I was still innocent

Of its labyrinthine complexities;

Slim pretty white girl,

Clad head to toe

In new blue denim,

Wistfully smiling

While her muscular black beau

Stared straight through me

With fathomless, fulgorous orbs;

And one of them spoke

(Almost in a whisper):

"Qu'est-ce que t'en pense?"

Then it dawned on me...

The slender young Parisienne

With the distant desirous eyes

Was no less male than I.

Being screamed at in Pigalle,

And then howled at again

By some kind of wild-eyed

Drifter who told me to go

To the Bois de Boulogne to seek

What he clearly saw as my destiny;

Getting soused in Les Halles

With Sara

Who'd just seen Dillon as

Rusty James,

And was walking around in a daze;

Sara again with Jade

At the Caveau de la Huchette.

 

Cash squandered

On a cheap gold-plated toothbrush,

Portrait sketched at the Place du Tertre,

Paperback books

By Symbolist poets,

Second hand volumes

By Trakl and Deleve,

And a leather jacket from

The flea market

At the Porte de Clignancourt.

 

Metro taken to Montparnasse,

Where I slowly sipped

A demi-blonde

In one of those brasseries

(Perhaps)

Immortalised by Brassai;

Bewhiskered old man

In a naval officer's cap,

His table bestrewn

With empty wine bottles

And cigarette butts,

Repeatedly screeched the name

"Phillippe!" until a bartender

With patent leather hair,

Filled his wineglass to the brim,

With a mock-obsequious:

"Voila, mon Captaine!"

 

I cut into the Rue du Bac,

Traversed the Pont Royal,

Briefly beheld

Saint-Germain-l'Auxerrois,

With its gothic tower,

Constructed only latterly,

In order that

The 6th Century church

Might complement

The style of the remainder

Of the 1er Arrondissement,

Before steering for the

Place du Chatelet,

And onwards...Les Halles!

 

Spark of Youth Long Gone

 

Two days ago, I decided

To realise

Some cherished memories

Of my beloved little pueblo;

So I drank about five glasses

Of Monteviejo

In preparation for

The rediscovery of

The town of my heart.

Firstly, I sat in the bar

Where I used to meet

All my friends,

And was assaulted

By the prices of the drinks

And the volume of the music.

I searched the place

With my eyes

For the innocence and laughter

Of yesteryear, but in vain

The young people are forced

Into tight little groups

So atmosphere

Is ponderous and alienating.

Where is the fun?

The wild and foolish socialising?

The comic local music?

All gone. I could cry.

Oh, these nerves, this living death.

I am so full of fear,

Lethargy and fury

I can hardly function.

There's a lack of innocence

Of simplicity

And is this change

From deep within me?

The freedom,

The spark of youth

Is gone

Or have I merely lost it?

Sophistication spoils

The city ravages

Senses refined

By knowledge and wine.

 

London as the Lieu

 

Until recently, I had the impression

Of decaying

Along with the moral standards

Of contemporary Europe

With London as the lieu

To which all Autoroutes lead.

 

In my room, I was surrounded

By debris

Of my existence,

Lacking the will even to clear

The carpet, whose colour,

Incidentally I came to forget.

 

I ceaselessly tampered with my hair,

Growing it long,

Having it cropped, hennaing it red,

Dyeing it blue-black, bleaching it near-white;

It fell out in bunches,

Dessicated and exhausted.

 

My face grew sallow and haggard,

With bloodshot, inflamed,

Glazed, blue-ringed orbs

And bitten, bloated, ravaged lips.

My body lost its athletic aspect,

And became shapeless and emaciated.

 

Lone Birthday Boy Dancing

Yesterday for my birthday,

I started off

with a bottle of wine...

I took the train

into town...

I had half a bitter

at the Cafe de Piaf

in Waterloo...

I went to work

for a couple of hours or so;

I had a pint after work;

I went for an audition;

after the audition,

I had another pint

and a half;

I had another half,

before meeting my mates,

for my b'day celebrations;

we had a pint together;

we went into

the night club,

where we had champagne

(I had three glasses);

I had a further

glass of vino,

by which time,

I was so gone

that I drew an audience

of about thirty

by performing a solo

dancing spot

in the middle

of the disco floor...

We all piled off to the pub

after that,

where I had another drink

(I can't remember

what it was)...

I then made my way home,

took the bus from Surbiton,

but ended up

in the wilds of Surrey;

I took another bus home,

and watched some telly

and had something to eat

before crashing out...

I really, really enjoyed

the eve, but today,

I've been walking around

like a zomb;

I've had only one drink today,

an early morning

restorative effort;

I spent the day working,

then I went to a bookshop,

where, like a monk,

I go for a day's

drying out session...

Drying out is really awful;

you jump at every shadow;

you feel dizzy,

you notice everything;

very often,

I don't follow through.

More (Lyrical) Fragments

Stevie B and Me

 

Stevie, we were free,

Stevie, you and me,

On that golden day,

Was it '68?

The decade's last few days,

The whole wild world was crazed,

But where we were was peace

For you and me at least.

 

If I stop for a moment,

I dream groves and country paths,

Green's Albatross is playing

In this our past,

Whole empires were falling,

The old ways were fading fast,

Things never last,

But you and I

Found pleasant peace at last.

 

We weren't friends for long,

These things aren't too strong,

We were far from home,

Together less alone,

We drifted far apart,

Hardened up our hearts,

We had so far to fall,

Four years took their toll.

 

We walked and talked

For many hours,

Safe under Blue Berkshire Skies.

 

Stevie, we were free,

Like we'd never been,

On that halcyon day,

Stevie B and me.

The decade's last few days,

The whole wild world was crazed,

But where we were was peace

For you and me at least.

The Ones We Love

 

Though we fight every day

I can say Honey

I do love you

With a love

A burning love

A tender love

A kind of love

That's forever true

 

It seems that it's the truth

Between man

And woman

And age and youth

It's true that we do

Hurt most the one we love

 

So many times I've let you down

I've messed you 'round

And I still do

I know it's weird

It seems absurd,

But I never ever wanted to

 

You know it's often said

And I've seen it

Many times

In all the books I've read

It's true that we do

Hurt most the ones we love

 

You've got to forgive me, babe

Sometimes it's hard

To control the things

I do and say

I'm just a weak and sinful man

Yes I am

Trying to do the best I can

 

It seems that it's the truth

Between man

And woman

And age and youth

It's true that we do

Hurt most the one we love.

 

It Wasn't So Long Ago

 

I shaped a heart outside her door

With the matches I'd procured

We had our season in the sun

Our romance when we were young

 

It wasn't so long ago

A new time may have grown

And so many tears have flown

But it wasn't so long ago

 

A melody plays from time gone by

All the years between them fly

I'm back in her tender arms once again

Embracing in the summer rain

 

It wasn't so long ago

A new time may have grown

And so many tears have flown

But it wasn't so long ago

 

Time rushes by like a hurricane

And leaves so much chaos in its wake

Run to the one you love tonight

Say something tender

Find it in your heart

Don't wait too long

 

Two lovers kissed on a summer morn

And a lifetime love was born

A love that makes a man a king

And a maid's heart start to sing

 

It wasn't so long ago

A new time may have grown

And so many tears have flown

But it wasn't so long ago.

Time Travel

 

Time Travel's set me free

And sunk its

Sharpest hooks in me

 

In disguise as a young man

In the city

But the bright young lights

No longer belong to me

I'm not a London man

I'm just a carbon copy

Doing some travelling

 

Time Travel's set me free

And sunk its

Sharpest hooks in me

 

Seeing faces that I knew in '77

When I was young

And in love with London town

But please don't ask me

Where those thirty years

Have flown to

They've just gone travelling.

 

Time Travel's set me free

And sunk its

Sharpest hooks in me

 

Lady, though your sweetness

Is such a blessing

Tender angel

Please don't lose your heart to me

For I'm a visitor

From a distant generation

Doing some travelling

 

Time Travel's set me free

And sunk its

Sharpest hooks in me.

 

All Through the Ages

 

All through the ages

I have faithfully waited

Now I'm ready

For you

To make this dream come true

All through the ages

I have faithfully prayed

You'd come and rescue me

You've been

So far away

All through the ages

I have faithfully kept

Myself so pure for you

Except a crush or two...

All through the ages

I have faithfully waited

Now I'm ready

For you

To make this dream come true.

 

Toilers of the Sea

 

Come away with me

To toil upon the sea,

Come away and see

How sweet sea life can be,

I'll sing Bonnie Dundee

Off the coast of Old Guernsey,

You and me

Are toilers of the sea, toilers of the sea.

 

Help me put that wrecked

Romance away from me,

Help me understand

How it was lost at sea,

It wasn't destined to be,

She belonged to another not me,

So I let them be,

Whatever will be will be

For the salty old likes of me,

For toilers of the sea, for toilers of the sea.

 

I can stand it if you're

There with me,

For the solitary life at sea

Is enough to make you sea crazy,

With the whales and gulls for company.

 

We can ponder on

The ocean's mysteries,

I'll unveil a few of

My old sea stories,

You'll see how kind a tar can be,

I promise you'll be safe with me,

When we're out at sea

As toilers of the sea, as toilers of the sea.

 

Under Summer's Sun

 

Faith, where's your smile,

Don't be a melancholy child,

Can't you see

That the summer's come?

 

Stuck in your room

With your winter curtains drawn,

While the suburbs

Are all bathed in sun.

 

No more winter time lows,

Only joy now because

We can shake off the blues,

Faith, there's no time to lose.

 

We can go for a cruise

Down the Thames

Or down the Ouse,

Or just snooze under summer's sun,

 

Find a village green,

Watch some cricket,

Take some tea, as you please,

Summer's made for fun.

 

Get some sweet summer air,

Feel the breeze in your hair,

Forget that sad old affair,

He's not worth all the tears.

 

Cast you cares on me,

I can set you free,

Don't let me wait too long,

Summer will soon be gone.

 

No more winter time lows,

Only joy now because,

We can shake off the blues,

Faith, there's no time to lose.

 

We can go for a cruise

Down the Thames

Or down the Ouse,

Or just snooze under summer's sun.

 

Like all the Moonstruck Do

 

If I fell in love with you

I would like to

Make my dreams come true

You could fulfil all yours too

So come on angel

Just one look will do

I'll lose my heart to you

Like all the moonstruck do

 

We could go all round the world

Just like other

Moonstruck girls and boys

So come on angel

Don't be scared

We are only young once

Say the word

I'll lose my heart to you

Like all the moonstruck do

 

Bali Frisco Rio or wherever

You may choose

The world's our oyster angel

There'll be no more bad news

We could escape tomorrow

I tell you we can't lose

We will soon be

Saying bye bye to those blues

 

If I fell in love with you

I would like to

Make my dreams come true

You could fulfil all yours too

So come on angel

Just one look will do

I'll lose my heart to you

Like all the moonstruck do.

 

I Let You Go

 

What was I thinking

I let you go

I wasn't drinking still

I let you go

Where was my head at to

Let you go

I can't accept that I just

Let you go

 

I wish I could make

Amends

So we could at least

Be friends

I have no real

Reason why

I let you say goodbye

 

Did I confuse you when

I let you go

Such a fool to have

Let you go

You were so precious still

I let you go

Worth more than jewels still

I let you go

 

I wish we could start again

I'd be quite a different man

I've learned quite a lot

Since then

I know how to keep a friend

 

We could meet up in the

Centre of town

And I'd explain my motivations

About how I came

To let you down

And all those other

Explications and complications

 

I'm not asking for

Romance

Just give me half

A chance

Cos I got a real

Good heart

So how 'bout

A brand new start

 

What was I thinking

I let you go

I wasn't drinking still

I let you go

Where was my head at

To let you go

I can't accept

That I just let you go.

 

Time Was I Was (A Wand'rin' Star)

 

Time was I was a wandering star

With a restless quenchless soul

Time was I had an unquiet heart

And from dream to dream I'd roam

 

Well I thought I was a free bird

And I didn't have a worldly care

Till I found myself abandoned and

Alone I cried but you weren't there

 

Now all I really want is you is you is you

 

Time was I played the gadabout

Thought I did not need a home

Time was I thought I was so smart

I could do it all alone

 

Till it dawned on me that there would

Come a time when you would say OK

If that's the way you want it babe

I'll leave you to go on your way

 

Now all I really want is you is you is you.

(Your Beautiful) Lethal Life

 

Shooting star

With a quicksilver mind,

You deserve to go so far,

Can't someone stop you

Before you ruin your soul

With irreversible harm?

 

Drinking all day,

Every single day,

Out of your head on booze,

Is this the life,

Is this the way,

A gifted child should choose?

 

Your beautiful lethal life

My friend,

Has sent you around the bend,

Your foolish defiant

Dionysian dance

Could soon be at an end.

 

But you don't care

Do you, shooting star?

As you drift in your blissful dream.