Remorse

A true struggle with remorse

The remorse is furiously ravaging
torment passes through my mind as I lay awake at night
gathered in my guilt are the acts I have carried out
yet I love what I did but my emotions are raw 
pleasured moments have led to my downfall

This grief of my soul has edged away in times of lewdness
This guilt i speak of is in me but i learn to control it 
I want to be punished but I still want my life 
releasing this pain will only end my life, is it pain i deserve
 
I have so much goodness in me but this dreaded curse I have just will not dissolve 
I am a human of many sides taken in by beauty and feckless towards one's feelings 
I observe then seek my capabilities in such twisted rage 
grant me a way through to be better.. But don't forgive me
 
I want to be so much yet I am cornered,trapped by my life's choices 
I could have been so much,doubting even my forgiveness would make me feel happy 
I hunger for a new start of a different life other than my own
I wish to be someone else now, i wanted to change once 
taking the moment to understand why..why me..why them 
I have so much emotion that my eyes stay open at night 
maybe what I'm looking for is the night to end and my eyes to close

Reviews

[richieb]

Strong feelings in a constant struggle. Your poem captures all of us, the degree's of guilt vary. Your words are heartfelt and honesty pleads to be heard. Your poem talks to deep inner core that only we can visit and face up to Well done, sir.
Blessings,
Richie b.

[Chris Shaw]

A strong write about a guilty conscience and the havoc it can cause. I think you have conveyed this brilliantly Carl. Well done.

Chris

[bigfootprint]

"REMORSE" IS EXCELLENT WORK -- A guilty conscience is God's way of keeping us mindful that our words, actions, and their impact last forever in our minds. Without such, the human race would have self-destructed in Eden. Our errors of judgment and our conscious indiscretions lead us to seek divine mercy and providence -- and make us far better poets. Divine mercy heals the soul, giving us a clean place to start over in faith and ascendance -- or reincarnation, as some believe. This piece turns on the innate goodness of the soul that gives the ethicists whole philosophies to sort out. The guilt, lewdness, twisted rage, etc. test our faith and ultimately define our mortality -- and vitalize the world of writings and dramas that amuse us because we all identify. Well done. Now close your eyes and focus your mind on seeking God's grace and mercy, then doze off into blessed assurance.

[John the Baptist]

If this is true it is damned scary.

[Carl Douglas Sinderby]

ahh Thank you, it is all thoughts but thankfully not what i myself have experienced but yet these thought came through for me to write. Thanks for reading. :)