The Demon That Is Me (Revised)

"So if you meet me, have some courtesy, have some sympathy and some taste..." -Sympathy for the Devil, The Rolling Stones

What is this that has happened to me?
I've tried so hard but I cannot see,
The beginning or the end.
Was I not free of those Chains of Misery?

What evils have I done,
That I have wandered far,
Far from the light of the sun?

What is missing from my mind?
Where is the tortured soul that I can't find?

A knife held within my hand, bloody,
And life emptied out upon the sand.
Is it mine or yours?
Tell me, what will set us upon this course?

My once innocent heart,
That pain and hate has torn apart.
Damaged, ravaged, and yet it beats still,
Alone and cold, in the dark of the vault
Which dozens more have filled.

How can I redeem my soul,
When evil seeks to swallow me whole?
Is it even possible for an angel's evil twin,
To alter his very role,
And cast away the darkness of his sin?

Perhaps though, it is better to be banished.
To rule in the Crimson Night,
Than to wallow, anguished
Begging, hollow, a pitiful servant of the light.

Am I really lost somewhere in the dark?
Or simply another warrior,
Bound eternally to wear the Mark.

Into the mirror did peer,
Searching for the source of my own fear.
I learned it was the Abyss that I had seen.
And for long, into me, had it gazed,
Setting all my hopes and dreams ablaze.
Because what has been seen cannot be unseen.

So now I ask; how can I be free?
Caught in those familiar chains of agony.
Is it any wonder then, what I have become?
A devil that wears this face,
The Demon That Is Me...

Author's Note

A revision of an older poem.

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

this one has me conflicted.. servant of the light, or prisoner of the dark?.. is he the warrior?.. is he the ruler?... or is he just another servant there as well.. are both prisons with different pains?.. does he get any pleasure out of either?.. why ask the question is it mine or is it yours?.. who are they talking to?.. are there two sides to this person?.. self reflection done skillfully and imagery is vivid and powerful.. I like how you had the "mirror peer"... creative and clever... the rhymes and flow are enchanting and keep the reader captivated.. why do we always look for redemption in another.. are those pieces really missing, or do we deny in forsaken faith or bury them underneath the scars and hurt..... definitely one of my favorites of yours.. I felt this one.. amazing writing my friend..

[Caradoc]

Thanks, April. :) I'm glad you liked this one.

In a nutshell, this piece, as well as several others I've written, are about the narrator's inner struggle with being a good person and trying to get what they want. It's a very psychological, introspective write. Desire vs decency.

[AprilRN1210]

desire vs decency.. where is the line that makes desire indecent?.. who decides what is and isn't?.. when does getting what you want make you not a good person?.. what defines bad?.. always make me think with your writes.. always a pleasure.. you are more than welcome :)

[Caradoc]

Yea. I like to be philosophical with my writing. :)

[AprilRN1210]

and you do it with such skill and creativity.. delicious dark imagery and wicked intellectual stimulation.. awesome combination :)

[Caradoc]

Aww...stop it. You're gonna make me blush. :P

[AprilRN1210]

oh shush!.. just speaking truth.. and wouldn't be the first time.. nor the last :P

[Caradoc]

Such a tease. lol

[AprilRN1210]

who me?.. nuh uh!.. see this innocent face?.. nope... :D

[Caradoc]

Innocent face? Suuuure. lol

[AprilRN1210]

heck yea!.. angelic.... one might even argue :)

[Caradoc]

All the better to distract one from the horns and spade tipped tail. :P

[AprilRN1210]

both are retractable and hidden beneath the wings and halo.. duuuuh.. of course this is only reserved for the best and brightest..:P

[Rene Salinas]

At some stage in our life we seem to get given the possibility for us to embed ourselves into the darkness within. I am only saying that out of common ground between experiences. It doesn't matter how devoted has our lifes been we still face this stage. By now I have seen it as if given by grace, but obviously some of us are made to go through experiences so hard to understand that defy the term "grace" and become more like torturous, unfair so on so forth. We are made to wear that cloak of darkness and to stare into the abyss and I am not sure from then on what is one suppossed to do or not to do. Simple logic will say change and bring light about but honestly I don't adhere to that and I for once have learned to embrace that dark apsects realizing that they have their time and place.

At least you know you are not alone walking the path I am just straight behind you

Thankyou

[Caradoc]

Thank you.

I think, perhaps, yes, there is some "good" in the darkness. I've heard plenty of talk about balance, and of course "to everything there is a season". Just have to figure out how to make it hurt less.

[Rene Salinas]

Not sure if your subject at all, maybe it proves over religious, but there is a stage cllaed " the dark night of the soul" maybe if it does ring truth for you reading a few lines may bring a different angle into it....

[Caradoc]

Hmm...I'll have to give it a look.