A Personal Musing

A series of thoughts I needed to get out.

When you’re waiting on a day to end, it feels like it never will. When you’re waiting for a day to start, it feels like it never will. No matter what you do, you wait for every passing moment to be the next…. Until there is one moment that’s set apart from the rest. It’s set apart from the rest because this moment is the one where you stop waiting for the next day. You get so caught up in the moment that time passes in the blink of an eye and yet feels like it could go on forever. The best part is that it does. In your heart, you feel lifted up forever. You feel weightless, not a care in the world, but for what you feel in those eternal moments. Then the moment falls and you scrabble to keep it with you; it fades like mist between your fingers and you wonder how you ever let it go. Back to the endless waiting. Only now, instead of waiting for moments to pass, you’re waiting for another moment like the one you let go of. This time you’re determined to hold onto it. You know you will. You can’t let go of it this time, not when you know how precious it is. You won’t give up your grip on it when you finally grasp it. The only problem is, trying to force this moment is as fruitless as hoping to entice a bird by screaming at it. The tighter you squeeze, the farther away it seems. Now this either leads to a downward spiral or a loosening of your grip. The spiral is common and easy, but treacherous. The release of your grip is rare and difficult. Most tend to not be out of control. It feeds your fear, this inability to command in some way or another. To let go is foreign to you. You might as well be asking someone to breathe in when they’re drowning and drowning they are. Everyone needs help to find their clenched hands easing and to find the forced becoming the real. You might not know it, but you’re in that boat just the same as everyone else.