The tree that learned how to walk

A Story by CaptainWak

This is a story about a tree that I am completely making up in all of five minutes. I haven't written anything in at least 2-3 months...

Once upon a time there was a tree. It wasn't a big tree, like the 80 meter tall behemoths of the Amazon, nor was it a small tree, like one of those elaborate hoaxes they put in cities to cover up deforestation. No, this is a tree that was somewhere in between, like those trees that kids would climb when they were kids. Day in and day out, this tree would stand tall, blow in the wind, and do the things that trees do.

One day, the tree spontaneously became self aware. Nobody knows why, all we know is that it did. The first thing the tree did was notice a squirrel that was climbing it.

OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM

Now sustained, the tree decided to explore this world that conveniently had one less squirrel in it. The tree quickly realized that it was stuck. It quickly got to the root of the problem and uprooted itself. It then decided to leaf its troubles behind and go on an adventure.

As the old addage goes, we must learn to crawl before we can walk. This tree defied that by somehow walking straight toward the largest nearby generator of Carbon Dioxide. By walk I mean it staggered around like a dazed teenager who saw what their parents REALLY bought that goat for.

The store was called "Step On It" and it was a shoe store. Today was a special day, because not only did they have special size 87 shoes on display, but the store lived up to its name via a 40 foot tall tree. Miles away, Koolaid Man felt a shiver go down whatever his version of a spine was.

After causing several thousand dollars in damages, the tree stumbled away in shiny new shoes. The store manager asked a cashier, "you think the tree would care to do some cleanup for this at least?" with an incredulous expression. The cashier calmly replied, "well, you remember how we slipped some cake ingredients in those shoes? I guess you could say the tree had an egg in its shoe and it has to beat it."

Seeing a tree going down the street had quite an effect. In many, it planted the idea that trees would be taking over the world like how alcoholics take over my fridge. People quickly shook off this idea after seeing the tree crash into a gas station. The ensuing fireball was devastating.