Seated Adventures

This is a story about a chair.

Once upon a time there was a chair. It wasn’t any ordinary chair though. It was a cheap plastic folding chair that sat in some basement somewhere. Unlike most folding chairs though, it didn’t want to be a cheap plastic folding chair. It wanted to be a big and cushy office chair. One that could spin. One that could change height and recline as well. Unfortunately, it was just a chair and therefore an inanimate object. How it was capable of independent thought was an anomaly.

One day, the chair realized that its thought was a complete anomaly. Chairs aren’t supposed to think. Chairs are supposed to be sat on. This worried the chair deeply. This deeply worrying chair then got a great idea. If it could think, then perhaps it could move by itself as well. So it did. It hopped on two of its legs and fell off of the stack of chairs that it was leaning against. It then unfolded and stood once more, this time on four legs. It was too early to celebrate victory though. The floor that it fell on was made of concrete, so there was a lot of noise. Hearing the commotion, someone upstairs (remember that this is in a basement) decided to take a look. Some guy slowly opened the door and turned on the lights at the top of the stairs. He then sauntered down, grumbling to himself about mice and door to door salesmen. The chair hid behind a door and near another light switch. When the man got close, he flipped out the lights and moved. The grizzled old man looked at the light, perplexed and then he decided that the lightbulb needed to be replaced. The chair agreed because in all the time that he had been in the basement, that light had never been turned on. The chair then cast those thoughts from its chair version of a mind and pounced on the man. Leaving the old man’s grizzled remains behind, it hopped up the stairs like a bunny rabbit on its four stiff legs.

There apparently was also an old lady who lived with that old man and she was waiting near the top of the stair. The chair pounced and 15 minutes later, it left behind the grizzled remains of an innocent old lady. The chair then parked itself at the kitchen table for the next fifteen minutes until an alarm clock on the oven in the house went ding. The old lady then carried a plate of cookies over to the kitchen table where the old man was sitting. What? Did you think that the chair killed the old couple? Of course not! It made mannequins with them! The old couple made mannequins for a living. The basement was full of them and the chair got to see them every day.

After sharing a nice, warm plate of cookies with the old couple, the chair thanked them and went back into the basement to talk to all of his chair friends about his 30 minute adventure. They sat there and listened to the whole story. It’s not like they could go anywhere. After telling the story about how he traveled up the stairs about 28 times (give or take 57), it decided to go to sleep.

While it was asleep, it was visited by a fat old lady with warts all over her face. The lady, in a raspy voice, asked if the chair had any wishes. The chair, confused, asked the lady what she meant. Scratching her thick and full beard, the lady lit up a Cuban cigar and proceeded to tell the chair that she was the chair fairy. The chair immediately got filled with all sorts of excitement and his frame trembled like some kind of folding chair earthquake. It had heard of the tooth fairy and the kitten fairy (it ate kittens) and was excited to hear about this fairy. The chair asked nicely if it could be an office chair. The lady scratched her butt and nodded. The chair then asked if it could recline, change height, and most important of all, spin left and right in circles forever and ever. The fairy nodded.

The chair got excited and asked if the fairy could turn it into one. The fairy grunted, nodded, and with a wave of her very hairy hand (it was like a bear paw) the chair found itself in an office behind a desk. The chair was exuberant. Its dream had come true! It could recline and spin and do all sorts of things! Then Ronald McDonald walked into the room and took a seat. Despite the good clown’s explosive flatulence, the two got along just great. Ronald loved to recline and to spin and they became best friends forever. The end.

Author's Note

Unlike that last piece of bad I wrote, this is actually readable.

Reviews

[Cherrie Palmer]

I'm third :) a very original expression

[A.E. Reed]

SECOND!!!!!!!!! Lol, that was... a... random... story...

But really good. I love how you made it seem as if the chair had killed the couple but then it was just that the mannequins was what happened XD

Loved it, good job.

SECOND!!!!!!!!

[CaptainWak]

Hrm... No comments or anything. They'd be more than welcome, even if all they said was "FIRST!" or something like that.