when it all breaks down

when reading this poem it must be read rapidly, thus the rhythm can be heard. So I don't know how my reading it and your reading it will affect its meanings. But it's the state of my mind as of late. written between9-25-09 and 9-26-09

A blank page
a full head

A blank stare
internal chaos
wrestling ones self
stuck in the steel trap
you've created

the more you struggle
the worse it gets

thoughts running rampant
releasing
memories and emotions

knocking over walls
shorting out defenses

The gremlins are
loose in the machinery

jumping around at random
wrecking havoc
rattling the beast's chains

The beast rampaging
rage exploding outward
adreneline pumping

redirecting it all
inward, overloading
emotions.

Breakers tripping

Breaking down
from the inside out

overloaded, shutting down

feeling all alone
in my time of need

wishing for a flashlight
fumbling for the fuse box

overstressed, under slept
trying desperately to fix
the machinery

stuck in a
self imposed misery
a chemical defect

causing sporadic
breakdowns
with no exit strategy

keeps me trapped
within myself
from time to time

when it all breaks down