A Letter to Myself

Venting last summer..

I just love it when people who I’ve believed to be my friends, disregard me. It puts me in the happiest state of mind. I don’t think I could tell you how marvelous it makes me feel.

I’m tired of those useless glances from across the hall. I’m tired of trying to find the right place. I’m tired of everything. I’m longing the time we had was forever, but now I just feel like a mere memory. Hidden in the past of summer. My heart’s desires want to rip out the lungs in your body….but I’m not a violent person.

Chiodos was right. Maybe we should stop, drop everything, forget each other’s names, and just walk away. But I don’t want to. I like you as a person too much to do that. I have deep love for you, and a connection that’ll always be there. This is my last year with you and I don’t know if I’ll see you after this. Your image is fading in my mind and the lump in my throat is starting to come back…..great. I’ll always remember your scent…your touch, those lips….I’m getting carried away in nostalgia. I apologize.

The truth is…I miss you. I just don’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry I never got the chance to know you sooner. For some reason I feel like I know you more than some people. But then I see you with your friends and I pity myself for thinking like that. I’m too foolish. How dense could I be to think that we were on the same level?

Silly Scorpio girl, not every Cancer will be your best friend. Why did you look back when I was behind you? You were too busy finding a place to get stoned. I really don’t need that in my life. You told me you’d quit…HA yeah right. Saying that to my face…when in reality you probably don’t plan on it. “I’ll call you later” you told me. I hate to use a word like this to describe you, but you’re a liar. I also don’t need that in my life either. Now after talking to your girlfriend I don’t know whether to believe you or her. I’ve only known you a year and I’ve known her since fourth grade. She tells me she doesn’t trust you. My beliefs of you are starting to turn. It shouldn’t be like this, but I’m sorry because that’s what it’s spiraling to.

Goodbye.

Have a great life.

Maybe keep in touch?

That would be nice.

Just give me a call anytime.

I wonder if you still remember my number.

Huh, that’s something to ponder.

Love,

J.L.A.