The Flame

haha..take it however you want.

The flame burns

brightly in the

middle of a cold

dark night.

The flame burns

your hand as I

drop it on you

this dark cold night.

The flame burns

her eyes 'cause I

made her look too close

this dark cold night.

The flame burns

my skin after I

spilled the hot wax

on me

this dark cold night.

 

Reviews

[Kevin Andros]

The burning image has been portayed very well indeed. It's like that there is still hope left even in the darkest period of one's life. smoothly written. ~KA~

[THE BLACK SEAL]

wow this one conjures up so many images. well done one of your best i think

[Static C]

Evocative, playful. Almost like playing to discover flames secrets. With images of pain the discovery costs. Nice contrast between light and dark imagery.

[Spoken]

too me it seems like a metaphor.. the flame being a secret or a truth revealed and how it impacted you and others. Interesting.. well written!

[Wolfwind Words]

I like it the way it is. The image of to sadist vampires playing with candles and hot wax comes to mind! lol
The only thing i would suggest is, in the first two sections you speak of the "her" as "you, yet in the 3rd section, it becomes 3rd party and replaces "You" with "her" it would be a little more constant and flow a little better if they were "you" all the way through till the end, when you talked about yourself.
Good write here! Full of waxing imagery" lol

[LostCauze[:P]]

I thought this piece was very creative and somewhat filled with details. The imagery was their but i think you need to add more details into some sentences. Some metaphors and bigger vocab to make the poem more complex. Add commas for pauses in your poem, and restructure it so it flows better. Either way this is a great poem with a lot of potential, and your a great writer with a lot of potential. So shine. Keep writing.

[TheodoreBlack]

It feels like you're playing with words, which is fine. But I'm not sure there's more to be found in it than that. The reason I wrote to you about the differene in word order from the first 'cold dark night' to the other 'dark cold night' was to check if it wasn't a typo. I have to be honest, I don't think it adds anything by mixing the word order.

I like the image of the flame buring her eye. Reminds me of some of the avant-garde films I watched a Art College. And the contrast between the flame and the cold dark night works to increase the effect of the flame's heat. It's a interesting context for it.

This is what I get from it. The cold dark night is life. The flame is the search for something, passion, a thrill, someone to cling to, to help pass the night. But all of these things burn us, and yet we are compelled to keep playing with them.

Ok, so playing with words was a little harsh ;) There is more there. I think you need to redraft it a little though. The presentation doesn't help what is actually an interesting idea and a powerful image for life. I'd like to see you have another crack at this one. I think you're selling it short.