Reality's Nightmare

A dream I had

 

 

     "I don't remember how I got there..." A.J. started, lying on the soft blue couch in her therapist’s office. She closed her bright green eyes so she could recall more from that day.
"Think deep, A.J., dig for it in that hidden place. It's there and you know it." Dr. Mary Jo Sullivan encouraged A.J.
"...But I was in a mall. A mall that I've seen before...maybe in a dream? It was so familiar. There were other people in the mall, but I couldn't see their faces. I remember my friend Eric was there. It was the last time I saw him before he left for college four years ago. I haven't talked to him since. I feel bad. But anyway where was I?"
"You saw your friend Eric." Dr. Sullivan reminded A.J.
     "Oh yeah, thanks." A.J. directed a smile at Dr. Sullivan and some of her jet black hair hid her left eye. "As I was saying, I was with Eric. He's one of my best friends...I've known him since I was a freshman in high school...but at the same time, I never got the time to have deep conversations with him."
"Does that effect your friendship between the two of you?"
"Does what effect our friendship?"
"Not having the deep conversations. Maybe not talking to him in four years too."
"Oh. Well, maybe. I don't know. I'm kind of afraid to talk to him..." A.J.'s voice faded.
"Fear is a wall that one can knock down only themselves. A.J., you know you have to call him and make up for those lost times." Dr. Sullivan told her.
"I know, Mary. Can you please stop interrupting me while I'm trying to tell you a damn story?!" A.J.'s bipolarity gave her it's visit at that moment. Dr. Sullivan was used to it by now, but still jumped at the sudden mood change. A.J. continued. "Eric and I hung out for what felt like a little while. My best friend Sally was with us too. We went into Spencer's. It's a store just to let you know. And he gave me a piggyback ride. But as we were walking out, me still on his back, his dad came around the corner. He had black hair and was pretty tall. He had tan skin that matched Eric's. Eric's dad told him it was time for him to leave. Then he just...disappeared..."
     "Disappeared?" Dr. Sullivan questioned.
"Yeah. I saw him, and then he was gone in no less than 3 seconds." A.J. said flatly.
"Continue." Dr. Sullivan gestured with her hand and looked defeated.
"After that, when I blinked my eyes, I was at my old elementary school's playground. I was waiting there with someone named Matt."
"What were you waiting for?"
"A bus...but the bus stop sign was a stop sign."
"Okay."
"The bus came and it was white, black and well it just looked like those Greyhound busses. That's what picked us up."
"Did you know where you were going, A.J.?" Dr. Sullivan asked.
"I was going to this boarding school. I don't know why I had to, but I just knew that's where I had to be."
     A.J. closed her eyes again. Her red lips quivered a little bit as she shook a little. Dr. Sullivan sat calmly looking at A.J. until she opened her eyes again. Dr. Sullivan looked eager to hear more of A.J.'s story.
"I didn't see Matt on the bus; I was the only one on there. I don't think I even took a seat because once I got on, I was at the school." Fear took over A.J.'s being; a lonely tear ran down her right cheek. Dr. Sullivan didn't say anything to disturb A.J.; she just shifted silently in her seat. A.J.'s eyes slowly opened and she went on with the story. "When I got in the school, I only saw one set of bunk beds in front of a navy blue curtain in a dark room. A lot of kids my age and younger than me were there. Then to my right was an assembly line. It was moving, but nothing was on them at the time and no one was at the sides. Afterwards when I looked at the bunks again and then looked back at the assembly line, there were children on it. And at the end where they were being sent, there was something that when it went down it would crush and kill the children."
     Dr. Sullivan looked at A.J. with a shocked look on her thin face. A.J. stared back at her with a look of sympathy and a nod.
"After that, I looked to find a way out of there. So, I looked at the ground and saw a pile of pennies going down into the ground.....like there was a hole there or something. As a result, I got down on my knees and ultimately wanted to dig for a way out. But instead of a hole there was a puddle of water that appeared once I put my hand in it. Next a skull and a piece of paper appeared from the black puddle of water. I don't know how I knew this but the information just came to me.....the skull was the skull of someone who tried to escape from the school years ago. I couldn't see what the paper said and I feared to put my hand in again just to look at what it said. And then I had this crazy idea..." A.J. stopped for a moment. Dr. Sullivan looked intrigued. A.J. noticed and sustained with the story.
     "I looked at where the dead children were being dumped after being on the assembly line. I saw that there was light, and I immediately recognized it as outside and a way out. I figured if I timed it right and went through while this thing was up I could make it........I didn't do it. Everything was a blur after that."

Reviews

[No one]

Maybe I'm distracted by the crickets outside or maybe wine's dulled my senses or maybe my eyes are tired or maybe, maybe, maybe... All those are just excuses. Maybe my reading comprehension is not as great as I always thought.
Correct me if I'm wrong. This is all a dream? Or does this all happen in an alternate universe where people just suddenly appear places when they blink? Dream sequences are usually frowned upon as easy-ways-out.

I thought the dialogue was believable. That's the hardest part about writing for most writers. Usually as a rule you, though, want to give each speaker his own paragraph.

The ending lacked closure and needs reworking.
Overall, I liked the story. You have talent and a keen ear for dialogue.
I look forward to reading more of your work.

[THE BLACK SEAL]

you ave a knack for storytelling