Senica Lee Scott explains it all

A Story by Capaneus

Senica Lee Scott meets Missionaries

The sun was overbearing in the early afternoon and johnny and Tom hadn't saved a soul yet when the large green door opened to their surprise.

"hello sir, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior?"

"Oy, Kunt say as I'ave, but chur moren welcome come splain it at may." A refreshingly cool breeze beckoned the tired young missionaries, and so they entered to a sitting room of books and plants framing a large tank where an array of colors meandered peacefully about rocks and shells and more plants. Cushy recliners rung round a coffee table covered in scrap paper and they were comforted to see a large well worn bible atop other holy books.

Ken I offer ya a wiskey?

ha, ah na no, no thank you sir

“Suture selves.” he said gently tilting the jug and sucking till an air bubble bobbled up the glass half gallon.

Ahhh

um, I’m not sure if...

Well course you’re not, now lets get dissa here book club started on count I got me some questions fur yer answers. Now in da beginin dare weren’t not, den Him pay da power bill eh?

Well sir,

Well sir nuttin, dat what page 1 tellin taint it

Ah yes, yes sir the Lord said...

And den him made da heaven n da dry land n it were good eh

Ah yes sir he separated the firma...

“And den Him made da plants n herbs n such n demmer good.” He confirmed cocking his head to the right with a slight smile for the strangely hypnotic plant flourishing in the corner.

well, taint dey?

Well yes sir but...

But nuttin cause den Him sprung up the fishes and da beasts n dem little critter what is all good too aint dey?

Yes and then...

And den dare be one man and one woman and it were very good on count dey got da lot n dare weren’t no bullshittin cause dare wornt not ta steal and none other fur bugg*rin n dat how him endin chapter 1, very good wern it?

Glancing quickly at each other then back to the light sparkling blue eyes they nodded synchronously

Does Him say it again?

Excuse me sir?

Good boy, does Him call it good one more time?

Well sir He loved us so much he sends Jesus Him only i mean His

Jesus taint fer another seven hundred and sixty-six chapters o da Lord dissillusionin Himself with Him special little critter. Him go from all is very good, and we’re not even discussin da conflictin story on page 2 o yer infallible book, Him go from very good ta get da fook out, quit dat, drown um, not dare, like dis, dats yer aunty, stone um, beat um, ban em, caint we just has a pic nik and what a special day when da Lord had to weigh in in levidicus 18:23 on the duck fookin issue. All dis on Him way ta decimatin Job's family, servant n health on a bet wit dark lord Satan before splainin ta dat most righteous man alive and I quote, “who da fook are you to question me”

No ah, not like, I’m sorry you're so angry inside sir but if you’ll let Jesus into

Ya try touchin me inner pain again boy and I’ll cut ya, I’ll cut cha deep. Now ya mentioned Jesus earlier did ja

Oy ken only imagine me Good Lord's humor on hearin dat, “yaw, sure, mmm hmm, you'll show me sport. I been recomendin da killins, beatins, bannins, break a hymen ya bought it and a week off for da w****s, butchu go try dis turnin cheek business. Least den you’ll believe in me.

And perhaps jew can shed light on how dat one story take 3 rout in 4 versions and last either 1 nor 3 years n end with da Roman’s takin ya down off da cross when the whole point ta let da bird peck atcha corps?

They glanced confusedly back to one another

N virgin bert, uh huh, or perhaps dare be a woman what would rather hurl a lie down eternity den fess up. And what a good lookin tall blonde jew him grown ta be, but disregardin dat on count Mary a good woman and wez known dat on count dem b*stard kill 'er boy but we got Muslims blowin dey selve to kindom come tonight and lions knawin on Christian smiling face not a century later, ba da 12 what knows him runnin like hell, denying da whole way, knowin full well dat him da only way ta posthumous justice. Seen im raise dead, cure leper, feed 7000 twice wit 2 fish, walk on da water and dey cain back stab 'im fast enough n you goin tell me da Good Lord only wanna hang with dem dat didn’t notice n won’t fight fer nuttin?

Well,

dats whatcha sellin taint it?

Sir, Jesus…

GET THE FOOK OUT O ME GARDEN

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firss dare be da chain letter

den dare be da disinfranchize

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Spellin be goof ball Shiite anywho

truely a bain on communicatin if der be won way spellin da word n' dat way doan make noe sense haff time. n dat why people not understandin no, cause ought have an E on it end. otherwise ought be said naw in dat doan like ya sure.

n den dares da silent letter like dat 'r' dem wantin in febuary. what da hell is who would do dat tryin do?

n what is dat letter c fer anywho when wez da K n' da S? whole tang ring devil, arsk mee. bunch falutin basterd makin rulz cain noe won member n say nuttin wort noein noe how anywho. n none dem arsk da Scott how noise ought look nor da southern man neether

den day chuck da hiffin at cha n' some time to word is real won word n dey call u dum u downt care differn but dey aint but so much room in da noggin n' ya poot all dat in der ya not be havin da room fer nottin else

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nothin say da sincere appology to mee like when da repentant reedin da preppared statement from him lawslur from behind da podium dat him quickly flee. special when it got words him doan noe.

dat make mee noe him had da transfermational.

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well iffin dat own dare done beat da all. I mean dem cain be greein on da Laveedeecussah 18:23 n' den ya comb in with da tears on ya o'r what dem dum been tinkin. n dey not noen fer tinkin much nor well atall.

I meana maybe noe won sayn so but chu cain betcha dares a duck somewhere what been mighty confussid by da days event. N' dat truern da law genst it

an boy in ya cain becha him a voiter to

koodya put da duckah down a bit mr. schmit n pick me leader? ya taint put no whoopin on none dem feller citizens has ya mr. duckfooker has ya? oy fine den, dat a gooten puppet dare i agree.

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N whilst weez comittin all otter sacrelidge, let make an Eve. we see da mytocondrial DNA, let make one. I'm currious, I'd stay tooned through da commercial break on dat episode

10 buck

ape critter

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n anywho got da Honorable in him Job title

I wann see him pee

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fook it, I ken do all da time dey give, me pecker legiondary as is and me style get better wit age n' da viagra. whole legion has tried to errase da memory o me peeker n' still da b***h textn me. coalitions conjoined n vain attempt ta convince da puss it doan wish me were fookin it so

Check in da box

whom yer poet now?

hmm?

whom hurtin him self fer ya own good?

hmm

whom smashin ya face in da mirror sayn

"dare u is,

dat u,

why

ugly"

hmm?

whom doin it fer da proper burrial 100 year pawsthumerous

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da fetal possitin mean ya got stop slappin son

dat her beater meter

dat hown she tell ya she learn

anymore be abusin

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Oy, n tellyas anodder, dems insinsaratease offendin mee. So now dat got be ban on count won fooker offendid by dat

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N da furthermore, been enjoying dat spellin bee. Watchin dem youngin regurgatatin what dey say da word lookin like, but ya Cain fill da noggin wit all dat and dare bee da room fur not else. I'm mean deez da brilliant younginz, n where dey go? Hole ting ring devil.

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N oy be wondern, what da right? Ought bee pert near terrofied bee infringin o dat but oy bee pert fookin confussid what infringin bee noe how. Damn Moslems hatin free dumb Iz sure to blame, dey all mad like someone took dey land n give it to dare sworn enemies err sometin. Does bee mighty comfortin noewn DAT da ignorant angry loud mouth is good nuff fur da cruise miss ill. Miss'll come screamin outta noe where n fook your house all ta poot, datn sure.

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Now Iz bee enjoy da zombie picture film like any lad, but me always been trouble by da genra. Might suprize one learn yer Great Uncle Seneca manned him a machine gun, n I'd off remonis in me leasure how what wonderful'd be have me big bunch o unarmed citizen runnin right at me. Iz meanin dare be nottin all dem fallutin basterd do bettern den mow down dey own. Whatsa zombie goin do when da Abram roll by?

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N da aye hear tell justice bee blind, n muss be, Jew can look at da guilty fooker n tell right ways, but now da basterd done made er deff n dumb wit suprisin little feeling, but buy God ya betcha she got er self n our sin'll

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N an udder, I been hear dem say da Shakespeare feller couldn't be one what wrote dem art on count him da commoner. Now just when done da aristocrats made any?

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why da simian outburst we call juss been human? Means weren't DAT Ghandi feller da human? N DAT mom Tarrasa? DAT no human. We been da only critter what done dem kinds n be plenty irrate emotin n da jungle. Seem me da moes human human got da control o da emotion n would da perty good ol bridge from thinking ta doins. Mean dat Jesus feller sleep on it den go have him da human outburst o dem money muckers n den dare knock on me door some faker wan me fake along wittum on count make im feel gooder

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n why im on topic Oy see dem sighin tall o jess shutda hell up n me watchin DAT south park what explainin da L Ron n me get ta wondern why da dumber sometin been da more like ta spur da ferventcy

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Den dat dare witch doctor tryn give mee da auntie depressant, say him make mee not capable o da depression while da whole lot going ta poot n da damnedest ting is the holy water I spit in his face not burn da devil like n da movie.

Not one good martar weren't pert damn depress for he done some bout

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N don't not be done dem growing w***e moans boy, you getchu a 50 game suspendin. End up like dat sorry biker feller juss moapin bout him estate.

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N speakin o da profetteerin fookers, I be watchin da news tryin lern up on mee Muslim what all ravenous murdern liar n den dey break n wit da poppa kardashin catlyn Jenner, n dat be fine nuff I'd change dat too, but dey telling it a woman now what won da decathlin 2 score go n den dey say him preopp. Trying tell make me new vocab but not be needin cause weez already made up da cross dresser homosexual. Him not transitioned nutton till da pay per view reassignin. N I be callin bull shiite till him got balls to off him balls cause dat be sometin da lady not hazzin cept on loan.

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"Eat be what gotten to'm, Iz be'in well wit me an days not. Been sat dare lawn day. Fookin fat fooker too aunty?"

Rolled Seneca back in his chair agreeing with himself in hindsight that he was wise not to mention fat chicks in front of the Mrs.

There'd been a lengthy pause

Dare be cocksuckers and m***********s and there's even cocksuckin-m***********s, they're the worst, but that's all there is, so find yourself a mother and f**k the f****n dog s**t outta her, cause it gets no better than mother f****n m**********r, unless you're some kinda cocksucker.