Painful Memories...

J.M.A.M. do you not see what your doing to me? I love you

Here we go again,
You're here with me, at last.
No matter how hard I try,
I remember our past,
Memories flowing through my veins,
When will I have control, control of these pains,
I know when you're pushed against me,
I feel like never before,
but my heart is all too sore from before,
When I look at you I see something
spontaneous and beautiful,
I don't have control over the way I feel for you.
I hope that finally we can start new.
When will this not hurt?
When will this not bother my heart,
will we restart, retry, Make another go?
Will we take this slow, Will our love grow, or fade?
Things use to be perfectly made,
How am I suppose to trust when my heart feels like it's going to bust, I don't know whether it going to bust from the love I feel for you,
or because the threads I used to mend my heart over and over with are all starting to come lose.
I feel like you're killing me, You've gone from loving me to hurting me...
But this life is impossible without you here,
Everything you now say brings me to tears,
So I'm left to wonder if what you feel for me is real,
I trusted you enough to let you have my heart,
take it as if it were your own, I never asked for it back,
for I never will. I want you to keep it,
but not manipulate me because you're now the keeper of it.

Author's Note

i know i havent been a saint and i know
you have so many reasions not to love me but please J.M.A.M just see im am sorry and would do any thing to change