Resolving A Dream

A dreamlike walk

You can always make something out of nothing

Everyone dreams, and sometimes dreams are meaningless. I do believe sometimes you can find meaning in the meaningless. That being said some dreams may be your subconscious trying to explain something to you through images that have played out through your life. Let me explain my dream.

This dream came out of nowhere to be really frank with you, even though I have been through some emotional trauma in the past, it now has subsided into something that hurts only when thinking about the dark moments of it. Yet there was so much positive growth that came out of it, I cannot really say it was not necessary for myself to go through such internal pain.

On a average day of nothing worthwhile to even remember in my brain I went to bed. But in the morning when I awoke, I was confused on what just happened to me when I drifted into deep sleep. I asked myself "I wonder what that was all about" or "This makes no sense why I am having this dream" The dream stuck with me to the point where I asked my friends who are psychologist, and they helped me interpret it.

In my dream I was on a commercial plane, I was on the aisle seat and I just awoke like my reality was sleep and this dream was real life. I looked around and it was jammed packed with all these people. I knew none of them, they all had blank faces with really no emotion. We were most likely mid-flight to a destination that I assumed is where I wanted to go (I am not to sure where exactly)

And it happened the planes wings exploded and in a instant it ripped off. The plane was twisting and turning in a chaotic dive to my supposed death. There was no way out, and nothing anyone could do but scream and be frightened till their deaths. With the feeling of no control and wondering why this event even happened I was frightened to near panic. I felt every "falling sensation" all the rolls and the flips it felt so real.

I knew that there was nothing really I could, In that moment of panicked I asked myself a question. "Have I lived a good life for the short twenty-five years I have been on this earth?" I thought of everything I have accomplished throughout all my life. And for some odd reason the fear of dying subsided. I made peace with my death and accepted that there was really nothing I could do but seat there and feel happy that for the most of it I lived and experienced as much as I could in that short time. 

I saw the ground getting closer and closer people still screaming in a huge panic, but instead of me panicking I just sat quietly looked out the window calmly. And then blank. I woke up in my dream. And the plane was completely destroyed and burning. There was no people dead people, it was just me. Getting up I was surprised I even survived. I was not happy that I was alive I was more so confused how I even survived the crash. And then at the pinnacle of my confused state in my dream. I woke up!

When I awoke I was extremely confused. Firstly I was wondering why I would have such a dream. I thought to myself nothing drastic has happened to me in months. It was borderline disturbing to me that I would dream something like that. At first I was scared that the interpretation of that dream was suicide related, but I quickly dismissed that fact being that I wouldn't think that I am even capable of something like that. I continued my day and again nothing drastic happened.

A few days passed and still I would recall the dream and wonder what was that all about. And finally I started talking to my close friends about my confusing dream. Keep in mind that most of my friends are very "grounded" people. I am more so the different one in the group so I knew they could possibly give me a logical explanation on why this dream stayed with me after all these days. Finally after about a hour of talking and dissecting it. It all made sense to me.

The "plane" was a metaphor on my ideals on where I wanted my life to go. The aisle seat represented the order in which I was just a passenger in my pursuit of my ideals. Meaning that I really just assumed I was going to get what I wanted without any hiccups on the "Ride". You see like everyone I had this idea in my head where I wanted my life to end up. I was in love with a girl in Australia and I wanted to marry her, I wanted to work for a good company that would give me a six figure salary. I wanted a life that was what I pictured in my adolescent life. And to be honest everything was in motion to what I wanted but not what a needed.

Hence the abrupt wings exploding and ripping off. If you can guess it was my life taking a drastic chaotic dip to the "ground" the unknown to be specific. Obviously when you are on a plane that is going on there is seriously no escape, your life is basically forfeit to chaos it isn't in your hands anymore. No matter if you want to live or die you have zero choice in the matter, you are going down. And that was what happened to me. She left me the girl who I assumed was going to be my future. 

Me being in a panic and everyone else on the plane was actually me and all my personas and insecurities my ideals. The passengers and myself was all me. They all thought I was progressing in life. I had my insecurities on board, my virtues, the good and the bad. Obviously when she left my whole life turned chaotic from my physical mental and even financial. My insecurities went rampant on was I ever good enough, will she meet someone better then me? Why did this happen to me? Am I just another person she dated that she will forget over time. 

With all my subconscious going through a dark dive to destruction with nothing anyone could do about it my true self "The person I woke up as" reflected on my life if I did everything in my power to live a fulfilled life. If my insecure self got the best of me when things came up. I reflected and this is what I saw.

I saw my young self going through the struggles of trying to fit in, to being hurt from the bullies and naysayers. I saw myself striving to improve myself, I saw myself taking initiative in my predicament. But I also saw the insecurities and shadow forms growing as I grew. You see I prided myself and taking initiative on what I could with my short comings, but as I improved my social standing. That being physical looks, and financial standing. I was doing it somewhat for all the wrong reasons. I did it to be validated by my peers. Though being a outcast I always showed compassion to people who were also insecure and also struggling to fit in a social group they deemed unfit to converse with. There was good to me.

And through my work I was blessed with a partner who saw my good side and manifested in a lot of my growth. Though my shadow form with the fear of not being equal to my partner always feared she would leave throughout the relationship. Sometimes I did things genuinely out of kindness and love for her, but other times it was a bribe because of fear she would leave me for a better match for her.

See the journey was a future with her and even though she was my everything I unintentionally destroyed the plane myself and did this to myself. Yes she was the one who broke it off and my life did take a dip, but I believe it was needed in my life. Yes maybe the shadow form of myself destroyed the intimacy we once had with each other but when she left I finally saw what I was. I tried to control the life I wanted and guess what happened it didn't work out.

So when I finally reflected and looked at my past the good and bad I became calm and accepted my fate which was death "the unknown" I was not happy that the plane was going down, And I was not happy that this happened to me. I accepted my fate because I finally saw all of myself and who I am as person. I accepted my flaws and at that precise moment I became okay that this was happening to me. 

Yes my ideals crashed and was in shattered pieces burning, but I was alive. Meaning that me living was me getting back up and realizing that sometimes even when life seems certain it could change because you can make it so or its just bad luck. But now I know. I didn't see any dead bodies because they were all me. And they are all still alive and well in me. But now I have somewhat of a handle in them. 

I am living in a new beginning I suppose. I made peace with my past and saw the good and the bad. And realized its best to let go of the things you hold dearly sometimes. I feared a lot but now I just let go and see where life takes me.

Now me dreaming that in a uneventful day... Well I guess that will always be a mystery. :)