Undivided True Love

Helping a fighter

Being in the Philippines I have found a lot of peace in traveling. Meeting other travelers, meeting the locals and talking to everyone has made me reaffirm the idea of how everyone is more or less the same. Yes there are differences but we all want the same thing. We all want to live in peace and happiness. I have been doing some fighting and training in Baguio, getting to know the fighters I got into a huge talk with this one fighter about moving on. We both had a similar break-up.

When we talked he was going through all the same emotions I was going through. He felt like he was in the present but emotionally he was living in the past. He wondered if she ever really loved him, and he feared the idea of her moving on. He told me how he felt lost and even though he tried to focus on fighting, he could not shake the fact that she was always in his head. Oh how I was excited I was to tell him that I went through all these emotions. I told him "I still feel pain every now and then, but now I just think of one thing to remove the negative thoughts. If I truly love her I want her happiness no matter what." When you learn and accept that concept it is the most freeing feeling to have. You stop comparing yourself to your ex, you stop having anxiety, and you just overall feel this heavy burden lift off of you.

Though I know one conversation wont fully heal someone of break up depression, I do believe I helped him move towards the right direction to heal correctly. I know that I write a lot about relationships and my break up. But being in a truly loving wonderful relationship and having it end in a sad way for both parties made me grow into something more then I was. It was the biggest learning experience of my young life. Having someone love me with all there heart was amazing, and loving someone so much you give your all is a true gift. But sometimes things just happen and it doesn't always work out. So since all this has happened to me I have become way more passionate about giving advice and helping other people as much as I can. So here are three steps to help you fully heal the right way (no rebound sex needed)

You can never think of your ex partner as you did when you were with them.

Meaning you cannot emotionally see your ex partner as he/she was when you were with them. You have to see them as they are now, good or bad. Now I am not saying don't think about the good times of your past relationships, no not at all. I am just telling you cannot go on thinking and trying to relive everything that you and your partner had together. It does suck I know, but whatever memories you guys shared together you will always have them. Most relationship are wonderful, hence the reason why we sometimes can only live in our past and not feel present. The best thing to do is realize whatever happens at that moment in time you guys were in love and you guys shared a lot of happiness with each other. It is a truly beautiful feeling sharing a relationship with someone, it should be always cherished but never relived. Once you start reliving the past and not emotionally be present it will only hinder you from fully enjoying life. So in short accept that your time as a couple is over, you can always cherish it but never try to relive it.

You cannot force anyone to still love you after, but.

After a couple of months have passed and you start wondering if they still love you. STOP thinking that! Reason being is that it really doesn't matter what they feel about you. They can hate you, they could even not even have a single thought about you anymore. Most people start to crumble after that thought starts to play out in there head. "OH how could he/she". A lot of people start feeling shame that they still have very strong feelings for there ex. They want the whole world to know that they are doing just fine without them, but inside they still have strong feelings for there ex. I am here to tell you there is no shame that you still care strongly about your ex. It just shows you truly do care about the person. (As long as your not physically calling them and stalking them all the time) I still care and very much love my ex fiance, I am not sure if she feels the same but again like I said it doesn't matter how she feels about me. Because love is given it can never be forced. You choose the people you love, no one forces you. And you can't force the person you love to love you back the same way. Love truly frees the other person. Be always happy for them!

Accept that they will eventually move on to another partner and be happy 

Wooo that is a hurtful feeling, that suffocating feeling that your ex has found someone, and oh my God he/she seems way better in every way then you. Not a great thought to have seeing the person you once shared intimate moments and memories with have new ones with another person. I personally struggled a lot with this one. And I can admit still sometimes that idea will hurt me for a bit. The hard truth is that you are not the only suitable partner for your once lover, there are billions of people capable of making your partner happy and have them fall deeply in love. So really dig deep and don't fear that they will eventually move on, actually wish they would. Because at the end of they day if you really love them you want there happiness no matter what. I know its harder to implement then actually read so here are a few tips and thoughts you can put in your head. 

Hope that when they go on a date that the other person is awesome and that they have a really good time, that the other person has good morals and has good intentions. You know that if you really love (I keep repeating) someone you want them smiling and not sad. And that gives you the freedom to let go and move on yourself. So if your partner is on the lookout or has already found someone be happy for them, let go and move on yourself. Or you can choose to be jealous for the rest of your life and not live. At the end of the day you choose how you feel. Also Id like to input that if you see your ex with someone, don't go all apeshit and try to find someone quickly to, relax someone will always come through your life when you least expect it. And who knows it might even be your ex.

"Love someone till the moon and back and then some more" -Andrew Paul Caasi

P.S travelling and writing on a island is so dope ha!