It Is Your Fault

How to handle yourself when you try to find something to blame

I blame you for everything you put me through.

I find myself hearing the same rant over and over when I go out. I found myself doing this, I found my best friend in the world doing this, I find almost everyone blaming other people for how they feel in that moment. Why do we outsource faults and do not acknowledge our own. Why do we blame other people that have hurt us, and not try to figure out a reason why they did it. Maybe everyone around you is off to get you, maybe the world is just unfair, or just maybe you let people just get to you.

Now I am not saying people who actually wrong you on purpose is not accountable for there actions. I am saying why do we discount our own involvement on life changing situations. "It was your fault we were late to dinner" "You did this to me that is why I am like this" "I do not understand why are you doing this to me?" Holding someone accountable for how you been feeling is a slippery slope to a dark area in your brain. You tend to start victimizing yourself for everything that hasn't gone your way. You make excuses for yourself on why the other person just hurt you and not the other way around. In a way I just feel like its a natural human trait to be this way. But there are times where you just have to ask yourself if maybe it is only yourself that is making you feel the way that you feel. It is only you who is really hurt. And you find ways to goad other people around you to hate the person that wronged you.

You are probably thinking to yourself "So if a guy randomly punches me its my fault not his" Well try to use your brain on that one. Sometimes "life" just happens, the world we live in is not stagnant. Life flows through, it may go through different areas but its constantly going forward. And when I mean forward I mean towards your death. But the great thing about our lives is that it will be in constant change. Physically, mentally, spiritually. You will change. Lets say you stop exercising and you lay in bed for years. Physically you will start to deteriorate. You start studying more, your mind changes with knowledge. You suffer through a traumatic event, you either pull through it or you let it hinder you. But still you change. Just remember good things and bad things, be prepared for it. Be prepared for a bad thing to happen in your life, it will happen. Also every event you perceive to be suffering, good will come out of it. Maybe not now, but luck always has its way to change misfortunes into great blessings. How do I know this? Because I have been beaten down physically, mentally, and emotionally throughout my life, but I always pull through. Why do this when life beats you down? Well because I have nothing else better to do. And even if I quit when things didn't go my way I still deal with it sooner or later.

Like most people I made excuses and blamed other people for my problems. "My dad was to controlling when I was young so that is why I rebelled so hard" "The guy I wrestled today beat me only because I was his first person to train with, I wrestled three other guys before" "How could you do this to me? I gave you my all, I sacrificed everything It is your fault this happened" Sound familiar? Outsourcing your misgivings to the people around you so you can slightly feel good about yourself. I re learned something important that my wrestling coach told me when I was about ten years old. "Things will never go your way all the time, so when it does not go your way, find it within yourself to learn, and adapt. After you do that I want you to suplex that motherf*$#ker" (Yeah he cursed to kids) I believe he was telling me a life lesson, I believe he was telling everyone in that gym a life lesson that day in wrestling terms. Some things do not work out in your life, you are going to struggle. Fix the problem yourself and then take action. And that holds true to the present moment. Wrestling has played a big part on how I tackle things in my life, and I believe without it I would have probably mentally broke already. 

We all must learn that life will never give us what we want sometimes. It is unforgiving, it is solid, and it is sudden. S**t happens. I knew this and I was afraid of it, in fact I was scared to lose everything I hold dear. I didn't want the things I had go away. Money, objects, circumstances, friends, love. All these things I wanted to keep as close as possible because they all made me happy inside. I wanted to tightly hold the things I love. But that is never the case, when you fear something it tends to happen. I lost all my money at one point. A substantial amount I might add, but I blamed my parents for not taking care of it when I was away. I lost things that meant a lot to me. And I blamed it on the weather. When I was given a aisle seat on a plane. I blamed it on the ticket counter for not liking me. When all my friends left me. I blamed it on a situation. And when I lost someone I loved. I blamed how she felt as selfish. Do you get my pattern? I didn't take any mature responsibility or blame. I went out of my way to believe that life was just cruel to me, that everyone was just out to get me. No it was because I was afraid of knowing that my circumstances were because of my doing. It happened because I made it so.

Life hit me hard, and I didn't handle it well. Wayne Dyer had me in tears when I heard him say this "We have to learn to let go of the things we love the most". My whole life I was afraid of suffering. And though to myself "I do not want anything in my life that I love to go away" Even though throughout all my pain and suffering in my life. I still found a way to wiggle and excuse myself to thinking it was not my fault. Well here is me owning up to all the things that bad happened to my life. Even though a lot of them may come up even if I had nothing to do with them, its how I react after is what matters. I leave myself no more room to make excuses. 

Mom and Dad I am sorry I blamed you for losing all my money, it was my fault, it was my money and I should have taken care of it. It wasn't under my watch so I cannot keep blaming you for it.

Nice white button up shirt. Maybe it was a bad idea wearing you in a muddy area after it rained. I will miss you a lot... *Crying*

Ticket clerk. Honestly I just think you were having a bad day. I am sorry bro whatever it was.

Ronald I am sorry that we got into that big fist fight at Firefly. (You got a mean kick) I am sorry that you dropped everything and I let you down. I was in a bad state of mind. I know there is no excuses and our friendship was tested after all these years of not fighting. I love you and even though things didn't happen the way I wanted things to happen you got the backlash of it all. Know that I am happy we work things out.. But just know I will drop your a*s if we fail the escape room this month. And also you are paying for Cheesecake factory. I have paid the last two times, its starting to piss me off. But hey no excuses right... *ahem*

And lastly I am so sorry Madison. I should have been a better listener, I should have not tried to change little things about you, and I should have not blamed you for things you didn't do. I shouldn't have blamed you for leaving me. Just know I accept all my actions, and was the cause of the break-up. I do not blame you anymore for all that has happened (besides my wallet in the dryer) kidding. I was a bad boyfriend and a even worst fiance. You deserve only the best. I did what I thought was best for us, but soon realized after It was more for my happiness then yours. I am sorry I was not a good man to you.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how I own up to all things that happened in my life. Sometimes you can't blame anyone on how you feel but yourself. Try to own up once in a while. You will realize that some things will happen and there is really nothing you can do about it. But just accept it, and see if there is anything you did that may have caused the situation. And stop being a victim and then SUPLEX THAT M**********R!

"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." -John Burroughs 

-Andrew Paul Caasi