The Story of Dota

This is the opening to a novel that I am writing. It is based off of a video game (Dota 2) but I wrote it so that even if you haven't played the game, you will still enjoy the story.

Traxex Fasudan strolled along the outside of the gate, an innocent townsfolk, probably wanting to shake hands with the king.  The guards ignored her, as they had been doing for a day or so, but suspicion was growing inside of them.  One night, as the guard left for his break, he was approached by his commander.  He saluted, and immediately told the tall, broad woman about the girl that had been patiently pacing, seemingly calculating her next move, staring blindly at the tall towers surrounding Castle Dota.  The commander asked to go see her (like she needed permission) and continued on her way.  Three days later, Traxex was sitting calmly in her cottage, carefully taking note of all the details that she had found out about Castle Dota.  This is going to be the greatest murder in the history of this kingdom.  She thought, smiling to herself.  After fifteen more minutes of quiet planning, Traxex decided to get some rest before she started her mission the next day.

“The stalker has left, my lord” said Commander Tresdin, kneeling in front of the king.  “I was afraid that she would be another leader of the horde that struck years ago.”

       "Of course not, Tresdin" said the king, chuckling.  He stood, and walked over to the list of people living in the area.  It was written in red ink, which the commander was bothered by, for obvious reasons.

“The only one that I can think of that would be motivated enough to pace around the castle would be Traxex Fasudan, but of course, no one knows her ways, and I think that I’m the only one that knows her nickname of the Drow Ran--”  suddenly what seemed like a blue spike shot through the king’s chest and down the open doorway.  The last things that he saw were: a hooded figure with a bow behind him, and then an army of monsters in front.  “The horde…”  He rasped.  He then collapsed, never to get up again.

Legion Commander Tresdin also saw the hooded figure, but rage blotted out and overcame the sight of anything besides the girl that was now putting her bow on her back, along with a quiver full of icy-blue arrows.

“You son of a b***h!” The commander screamed while charging full speed with her sword raised.  Someone else however, was faster.  All she saw was a streak of blue light, then she was on her back, with all of the pain signals in every part of her body going off.  After many seconds of confusion, Tresdin finally came to herself and tried to force herself up onto her feet.  Immediately an object as hard as a stone landed hard on her chest, and the giant head of a cow bent down in front of her face.  The smell came then, exploding out of the cow’s mouth and into the face of the commander.  For a moment everything blurred and the commander thought that surely what she now smelled was worse than what came out of the other end.

“You have no right to be attacking the Drow Ranger!”  The cow breathed, about an inch away from her face.

Author's Note

Please, if you have constructive criticism, give it to me, and don't worry about hurting my feelings.

Reviews

[Cameron West]

Oh yeah, and, if you have played Dota 2, tell me how good of a job I did roleplaying Drow Ranger, Legion Commander, and Spirit Breaker.