Chapter 5

Am I the junkman or the Darbys?

The Darbys were only there to seek gold, but the junkman was there to become a gold miner. The Darbys never learned about mining, they just wanted the gold. The junkman hired a mining engineer and counsel with him for advice, he learned about mining. The Darbys gave up three feet from gold and the junkman ended up getting it all.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was more like the Darbys than the junkman. I didn't study the process of publishing or marketing books. Even though I may be a good writer in class, this was something completely different. I was only in this to get the money, and I felt like it made more sense to give up. I didn't ask for advice from someone who I knew had published and sold millions of books. I was the Darbys, and if I don't change soon, a junkman will come and take my gold!

That realization woke me from my ignorance. It was time to swallow my pride. I needed to become the junkman. The first step was to get the advice from an expert, but I doubt that he would agree to meet me again. I felt shame. I acted the way I did because of the pain I couldn't let go. I know that I had to make things right, starting with the past.

I swallowed my pride and dialed the number. "Jenna, would it be possible to schedule another appointment with my dad?" It was the first time in years that I had called him dad. There was a brief silence at the other end for a while. Maybe Jenna was shocked as well.

"I'll tell him about it and get back to you," she replied. "Okay, thank you,"

It might felt bad in the beginning, but I feel better now. Maybe I had been angry for long enough. I was time to move on. It never occurred to me why I chose to publish and sell books to make my fortune. I guessed it was because of the books I saw in my dad's library. I had always felt closer to him when I read or wrote. I never admitted it to anyone before, not even to myself, I just wanted to be with my dad again. I missed spending time with him. I did all this because I wanted to let him know that I am valuable. I am just as valuable, if not more than the money he makes. I deserve to be in his life!

I placed my arms and head on the desk and wept. It felt good to let it out. All this time, I thought that weakness was showing the pain I had, but, it was actually not showing the pain. Strength is not the absence of pain, but the endurance of it.

My phone rang. I regained composure and asked, "What did my dad said, Jenna?"

"He had agreed to meet you. "

"That's great. How much time do I have with him this time?"

"He cleared his entire Saturday for you."

I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. I just froze there without uttering a word. Jenna noticed the silence and asked, "Is that okay with you?

"Yes, of course. Thank you, Jenna," I replied. So I would have an entire day with him. This was a first. I wondered what would happen next.