Calvin's experience in a haunted house

Details from my real-life experiences working in a haunted house at an amusement park.

The masks that covered our faces in the house were the worst part.  If you came out of the haunted house and didn’t have acne all over your skin you were lucky as s**t.  Workers would come out of the place looking like they had a bad case of Chicken Pox.  The sweaty costumes made it a horrible experience.  It smelled like someone was deep-frying Chewbaca’s dick throughout the facility.

At one point, while I was wearing the costume of an oversized window-licking baby doll, a little girl came through the haunted house. Surprisingly, the lingering smell of fermented ball-sack throughout the house didn’t seem to faze her. Nothing did. She came through the scare house without showing any signs of fear. I was determined to make her cry as soon as I saw her walk in.  As soon as I found a perfect hiding spot, she ran right up to me and yelled out “Daddy, this one smells like BO!”  Needless to say, she wasn’t scared of my appearance at all.  The look of disgust her dad gave me was similar to the look you’d give someone if you caught them shitting in a urinal at a five star restaurant.  It was then that I realized I hadn’t put on deodorant that morning.

  After attempting to scare people all day, we finally got off for the night around 10:00 PM.  At that point we decided that we needed to get blackout drunk and hopefully forget the sad existence of our lives.  The five of us made our way to a small gas station in the middle of Bum-Fucked Egypt. 

Author's Note

Let me know if this is funny/if you would keep reading! I know it is fucked up humor, but some people like that kind of stuff. Especially people my age (college kids)