Calvin Meets a Girl at the Bar

A Story by Calvin

Excerpt from my real story of meeting a girl at the bar in the spring of 2011.

For those of you who don’t know, taking turns ordering rounds at the bar is the worst f*****g thing you could ever do. Do not do it. By the end of the night the drunkest person always gets fucked over and pays way more than their buddy.

11:50pm: Karl and I are playing “Semi Charmed Life” on the juke box. We continue chugging beers like we just ate a Shamwow or some s**t.

12:15am: We are beginning to get obnoxiously drunk. Our inner d****e is starting to show itself. We are beginning to do the Bernie dance to every song that comes on.

12:43am: We are catching our breath at the bar. A girl pulls up a stool next to Karl.

The description of the girl is as follows:

· She has dark hair that resembles a pack of over-cooked Ramen Noodles on her head.

· She has overly tan skin.

· She’s wearing a red velvet jacket that screams “I’m like a blow job vending machine. Give me money and I’ll blow you.”

· She had DSL’s. (dick sucking lips)

She was an attractive girl from what I could tell. Then again, I could have had a bad case of the beer goggles. She might have been 300lbs for all I know. I did notice that her skin looked as dry as Betty White’s vagina. Leather Face had softer skin than she had. She should have stayed home that night and overdosed on Aloe Vera.