Control

It's almost robotic,
The way I feel,
The way I express.
It's a constant effort,
Only to show empathy
Or surprise.
Genuine things,
Emotion and reaction.
They are buried deep.

This whole life,
I've only known
Control.
Control of myself.
Such to the point where
I simply cannot act out.
Never being able to just,
Run or shout,
Feel joy or show anger.
It's all calculated.
Regulated.

It's very frustrating.
Being in control.
Because ironically,
I can't control
My own power
Over myself.
To maintain,
Is to be.
It is,
Well,
My nature.

Some would love
To be able to do this,
But,
I think I'd rather…
Live.