Untold

Fallen tears for broken dreams;

ugly scars and broken wings

Memories fade into the past;

but the sorrow seems to last

 

Tattered pages of a soul;

bitter tears, Forgotten Roads

The Untold story of a girl

who lived her life in distant world

 

Faded memories of the sea;

curious words and melodies

 

Seasons pass and years unfold,

but the story remains, on the pages,

Untold…

 

Reviews

[Liv]

This is absolutely beautiful, relating the girl to the pages of a book especially speaks to me. The rhyming is also superb. The only thing I would criticize is some of the timing is (slightly) off. Like, try adding "always" to the fourth line, after "to," and see how the timing works just a little bit better? The same with the second to last line, it's a little longer than it should be. But that's the only bad thing I have to say about this fantastic poem!

[Calissa Knox]

I appreciate your input. Thanks for the review, Liv!

[MerylDivya]

This is almost lyrical. Well done!

[Calissa Knox]

Thanks, DivyaGurl! :)

[Neon]

Memories fade into the past;
but the sorrow seems to last .. I love these lines. Many myths as well as mysteries of love`s being hidden into the grave of history that can only be reveled by calling the winds of past to get touched into the face with smile because, the words (in love) are always "unspoken" .. may be, cause they`re meant to be "untold" all the time. Very heartfelt write! :)

[Calissa Knox]

Very true. Thank you, my friend! :)

[Adam Whitworth]

I agree... those lines...

[Calissa Knox]

So beautiful Cali, I know this is "The Forgotten Road" as, you with a few words, did explain here your whole musical album, and my goodness, I'm a fan... There are so many notes you play, as you write the perfect words, but yes... the story is indeed untold... untold is what you behold, and that makes it interesting for us, and to feel this raw and real pain, you share, is beauty my dear friend...
Thank you as always for your work of art.

- Elisa

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you so much, Elisa. You inspire and encourage me so much with your words. I can't wait to write music with you, someday... :)

I can't wait to have that moment we can work together! :) and make music!! Much love -xx-

[Half Dream]

"Seasons pass and years unfold,
but the story remains, on the pages,
Untold…"

Wow!! This is absolutely amazing. I enjoyed reading this Feather. You're a talented writer! I loved this! Keep up the good work. :)

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you! You keep it up, too. :)

[absmith]

This is brilliant ! Love the last stanza (:

[Calissa Knox]

Thanks so much, Absmith! :)

[Piper Migee]

This is beautiful... You truly have a gift, a way with words to make them flow into poems.
I love it.
Just a few comments...
I kind of disagree with 1Disawsum
I think the last line of the first stanza is fine stayed the same, the rhythm works.
For the last line of the second stanza, is it supposed to be
"...life in distant world"?
I feel like it should be "life in a distant world".... Dunno though.
I love the poem though!

[Calissa Knox]

Yes, the last line of the second is supposed to be that way. Distant world has a story and meaning attached. Thanks so much for such an inspiring review, Piper!

[Trace]

Very nice. Enjoyed the rhyme and flow of this poem.
Trace

[Calissa Knox]

Thank you, Trace!

[1Disawsum]

The flow of this poem is awesome, very graceful sounding. The last lines in the last stanza could flow better though, it sounds broken at the end, and the second last line sounds like there are too many words spoken. Also, the first stanza last line, add an extra word in maybe? It seems like it might flow a little better. Maybe...
"...but loneliness and sorrow, always last"?
I don't know, just some suggestions, but I'm not the best poet who gets the flow of lines good in my own poems aha love this poem though, SHELVED!!!

[Calissa Knox]

I agree. Thanks for the helpful review!