Wow. This is amazing! I don't usually see works on this site that I like (including my own). But WOW!
Ok anyways; I do think you could change one very minor thing:
"I run faster
"and my spirit soars."
The "and" throws off the rhythm slightly (in my opinion). I would just add a comma after "faster" and then take out "and". But really, this is super minor so if you don't like changing your work, I understand. :)
Again, brilliant poem.
Keep writing!
~Patricia
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much for this helpful, encouraging review, Patricia. :) You keep writing, too!
Wow. This is amazing! I don't usually see works on this site that I like (including my own). But WOW!
Ok anyways; I do think you could change one very minor thing:
"I run faster
"and my spirit soars."
The "and" throws off the rhythm slightly (in my opinion). I would just add a comma after "faster" and then take out "and". But really, this is super minor so if you don't like changing your work, I understand. :)
Again, brilliant poem.
Keep writing!
~Patricia
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much for this helpful, encouraging review, Patricia. :) You keep writing, too!
This is a really nice poem. I love the flow and pace to this - it reads quite quick (if that makes sense?) I feel like the reader is just swept up in the piece from the first line to the last - it's great!
Quite an interesting piece. I like the imagery and the way you build up the emotion. The rhymes weren't bad either. The title drop was awesome and the singular word at the end was powerful.
I wonder though, who will emerge the victor? Storms are a primal force of nature and can be quite powerful. Is the human soul strong enough to conquer nature? Or is it even victory this particular soul seeks? Perhaps in raging against such a formidable opponent, it is really their own destruction that the narrator seeks.
This is a very thought provoking poem, with multiple avenues of perspective that can be taken on it.
Well done.
-Caradoc
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thank you very much for the review! I didn't write this to conquer the storm. I'm talking about my.. read moreThank you very much for the review! I didn't write this to conquer the storm. I'm talking about my love for the storm. When I said, "collide", I meant it to express the storm and I becoming like one. When I was running with the storm, it was to be with it. I'm expressing my understanding of the storm's anger, not my wish to conquer the storm.
As I said, multiple avenues of perspective. The best art shows something, means something, different.. read moreAs I said, multiple avenues of perspective. The best art shows something, means something, different to every person that comes across it.
To you it is the desire to become one with the storm, to another it is an expression of rage, another a vision of a dream they once had, and still to another; the answer to a problem they've long had.
Awesome poem. It's almost as if I can feel the storm and it's giving me strength. I love the ending - So simple but so powerful. Thank you for sharing!
Posted 10 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the review!
Welcome to my page! I'm Calissa, pianist/composer/writer from Seattle, WA.
This is where I post writing inspired by my own heartfelt experiences and stories.
Send me a message or friend reques.. more..